Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else just feel so ugly? Need advice

82 replies

Boooooooring · 08/07/2023 18:13

I know it's a stupid thing to say and I'm sure I am not objectively. I also don't have a lot of money to 'fix' things which doesn't help.
My chin has a lot of acne, I use cerave BHA on it but doesn't seem to do anything. I put tea tree oil on, it does dry them up but they always come back. I'm on the mini pill, not sure what else would help.
I'm 32 which I know is still young and I'm sure older people will tell me I'm being ridiculous. However it's that age where you're conscious you're not in your 20s anymore and notice the first signs of ageing.
I've got small crows' feet, marionette lines and dark circles under my eyes/lines underneath.
I had filler on my nasolabial folds because they really got me down. However I don't want to start having it everywhere as it's expensive to maintain.
Anyway, I've been using tretinoin (a dermatica) subscription for around 5 months and I've honestly not noticed any improvements in the lines. Maybe a slight improvement in the dark circles but it's hard to tell.
I wear SPF 50 every day and have done since I was about 19, don't sunbathe, don't drink, never smoked etc.
I've also got a lot of open pores on my cheeks and they always seem to be red.
I've got hooded eyelids which already seem to be sagging.
My teeth could do with whitening.
I've been growing out a pixie cut for around 5.5 months, it's now into a very short bob but I just don't think it suits me. I don't really know what does.
Sorry for the rant, I just feel that if I had a lot of money I could 'fix' all this but I can't.
I see so many attractive women around and I feel so bland in comparison.

OP posts:
NobblyBob · 09/07/2023 16:13

Lwrenagain · 08/07/2023 19:33

Firstly, you're going to feel crap whilst your hair is in that shitty in-between length, I'm not sure why, but it's an unwritten rule isn't? Growing out short hair cuts until it's in the "nice new style" phase, we're programmed to feel shit.
You're so young, get some cute clips and have a mess around getting it into some easy to manage and grow styles. Have a Google.

Stop having breaks with your mini pill if you can? I know mine was one I wasn't supposed to stop, (I was taking it for acne at 35, mostly on my chin too!) Look into that, it really helped.
Also, if its getting you down that much, ask your GP for some cream, often that's stronger than the stuff we buy online.

Botox/fillers/filters/whatever - you can't afford them so stick that idea into a box in the back of your head, I can't afford loads of crap that would make me feel better either, so let's just not give that head space.

Right, Jennifer Lawrence has hooded eyes, mine are slightly hooded, so you're in good company.
If you wear make up have a look at how Wayne Goss's technique for hooded eyes on YouTube, game changer!

White teeth are easy enough to achieve, just be very careful you're not wrecking your enamels.

I want you ask you questions about your style, how do you dress? Who's clothing styles do you like?
Maybe a slow change in bringing more cheerful pieces of clothing into your wardrobe might really benefit you?
I think the younguns call it dopamine dressing, in my day it was "a splash of colour" but dopamine dressing sounds fab to me.

Please realise how young you are when I say this, you've not even likely completely even half of your life. Let's not go into 33 feeling ugly over a few spots and some small crows feet pal, it's not fair on yourself.

Also, do you have people around you to cheerlead for you a bit? I found that I felt my worst when my tribe weren't actually very nice. Since leaving and making a smaller group of supportive friends my confidence went from shite to off the scale.

The style and beauty board I find really helpful also, nice and chatty & friendly and full of advice!

The massive insecure bellend on FB can just fuck off and die quietly in his mam's basement surrounded by his incel friends encouraging him to have a wank with a dressing gown belt around his neck.
Absolute fucking prick has nothing to offer you or anyone else. His words don't matter. If they did, he'd not use them to boost his own pathetic ego, because he'd not need too. We don't dwell on these gobshites @Boooooooring, they aren't worthy of our head space.

And lastly, I've been absolutely dragged for being unrealistic and unhelpful on here for saying this, but you know what? You won't be ugly. You just won't be. It's rare as unicorn shit people are genuinely ugly, we have too many nice features to be ugly! Smiles, kind eyes, freckles etc, the only truly ugly ones are the ones who end up wearing their god awful personalities on their faces.
Men in boardrooms profit from you feeling ugly, nobody else. 💐

I just wanted to say this is one of the nicest posts I have read on here. What a kind and supportive reply. 💜

Boooooooring · 09/07/2023 16:20

Thanks so much for all taking the time to give me advice, really makes me feel that there are very kind and helpful people out there.
I sleep well generally, no very late nights, I do plenty of exercise, I'm a healthy weight. My diet is something I need to work on as I eat too much sugar unfortunately. I'm going to try and start a new plan tomorrow!
I'm always slightly stressed as that's my personality I feel! Usually about money.
I'm just quite an anxious person, and atm about lack of friends.
My style is very laid back, usually leggings and a top. Don't wear make up apart from concealer on the spots as I can't apply it well and don't know what suits me.

OP posts:
Boooooooring · 09/07/2023 16:21

The SPF may well be clogging up my pores, I need to invest in some decent skincare.

OP posts:
Astsjakksmso · 09/07/2023 16:25

I don't know if this sounds helpful or patronising, feel free to ignore/delete if it's the latter but I have met people with all of the above.. I haven't thought them ugly. Their eyes sparkle and when they smile their mouths curve gracefully still.

Of course we all have eyes and can see when some people have more or less 'physical flaws'. But PP have already given useful advice.

I have nothing to add but hope this makes you feel better about yourself.

bryceQ · 09/07/2023 16:25

I think decent is just something you'll stick to consistently. I use loads of Korean brands that aren't expensive. It's just a long term thing not a quick fix

MissingMoominMamma · 09/07/2023 16:33

Lwrenagain · 08/07/2023 19:33

Firstly, you're going to feel crap whilst your hair is in that shitty in-between length, I'm not sure why, but it's an unwritten rule isn't? Growing out short hair cuts until it's in the "nice new style" phase, we're programmed to feel shit.
You're so young, get some cute clips and have a mess around getting it into some easy to manage and grow styles. Have a Google.

Stop having breaks with your mini pill if you can? I know mine was one I wasn't supposed to stop, (I was taking it for acne at 35, mostly on my chin too!) Look into that, it really helped.
Also, if its getting you down that much, ask your GP for some cream, often that's stronger than the stuff we buy online.

Botox/fillers/filters/whatever - you can't afford them so stick that idea into a box in the back of your head, I can't afford loads of crap that would make me feel better either, so let's just not give that head space.

Right, Jennifer Lawrence has hooded eyes, mine are slightly hooded, so you're in good company.
If you wear make up have a look at how Wayne Goss's technique for hooded eyes on YouTube, game changer!

White teeth are easy enough to achieve, just be very careful you're not wrecking your enamels.

I want you ask you questions about your style, how do you dress? Who's clothing styles do you like?
Maybe a slow change in bringing more cheerful pieces of clothing into your wardrobe might really benefit you?
I think the younguns call it dopamine dressing, in my day it was "a splash of colour" but dopamine dressing sounds fab to me.

Please realise how young you are when I say this, you've not even likely completely even half of your life. Let's not go into 33 feeling ugly over a few spots and some small crows feet pal, it's not fair on yourself.

Also, do you have people around you to cheerlead for you a bit? I found that I felt my worst when my tribe weren't actually very nice. Since leaving and making a smaller group of supportive friends my confidence went from shite to off the scale.

The style and beauty board I find really helpful also, nice and chatty & friendly and full of advice!

The massive insecure bellend on FB can just fuck off and die quietly in his mam's basement surrounded by his incel friends encouraging him to have a wank with a dressing gown belt around his neck.
Absolute fucking prick has nothing to offer you or anyone else. His words don't matter. If they did, he'd not use them to boost his own pathetic ego, because he'd not need too. We don't dwell on these gobshites @Boooooooring, they aren't worthy of our head space.

And lastly, I've been absolutely dragged for being unrealistic and unhelpful on here for saying this, but you know what? You won't be ugly. You just won't be. It's rare as unicorn shit people are genuinely ugly, we have too many nice features to be ugly! Smiles, kind eyes, freckles etc, the only truly ugly ones are the ones who end up wearing their god awful personalities on their faces.
Men in boardrooms profit from you feeling ugly, nobody else. 💐

You… are awesome!!

verabarbleen · 09/07/2023 19:22

One fail safe thing that makes me feel less ugly is if I get my eyebrows wakes and tinted . Find the best shape for you and it really helps. Also use a tinted moisturiser rather than foundation.
Also having nice nails . This can be expensive something I never really do but give your self a mini manicure.
Also exfoliate your face and body! And put a really nice moisturiser all over .

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread