Anyone else just feel so ugly? Need advice

[Boooooooring]

I know it's a stupid thing to say and I'm sure I am not objectively. I also don't have a lot of money to 'fix' things which doesn't help.
My chin has a lot of acne, I use cerave BHA on it but doesn't seem to do anything. I put tea tree oil on, it does dry them up but they always come back. I'm on the mini pill, not sure what else would help.
I'm 32 which I know is still young and I'm sure older people will tell me I'm being ridiculous. However it's that age where you're conscious you're not in your 20s anymore and notice the first signs of ageing.
I've got small crows' feet, marionette lines and dark circles under my eyes/lines underneath.
I had filler on my nasolabial folds because they really got me down. However I don't want to start having it everywhere as it's expensive to maintain.
Anyway, I've been using tretinoin (a dermatica) subscription for around 5 months and I've honestly not noticed any improvements in the lines. Maybe a slight improvement in the dark circles but it's hard to tell.
I wear SPF 50 every day and have done since I was about 19, don't sunbathe, don't drink, never smoked etc.
I've also got a lot of open pores on my cheeks and they always seem to be red.
I've got hooded eyelids which already seem to be sagging.
My teeth could do with whitening.
I've been growing out a pixie cut for around 5.5 months, it's now into a very short bob but I just don't think it suits me. I don't really know what does.
Sorry for the rant, I just feel that if I had a lot of money I could 'fix' all this but I can't.
I see so many attractive women around and I feel so bland in comparison.

I use products from The Ordinary. They're really good. You send pictures to them of your face and they will recommend treatments. My skin is so much better using their products than anything expensive

Also, I have been on keto for weight loss the last month and that has made a MASSIVE improvement to the texture - I don’t need any foundation at all.

The ordinary, for me, was terrible. Bought me out on all sorts of rashes and reactions. Apparently it's called, "purging" but it was awful for my sensitive skin. I binned the lot.

Now I use Neals Yard Rose range and I am all set. It's organic and I just get on with it much better. Also tried taking collagen but it made me look soooooooooooooooooooo(!) old. I stopped and I've gone back to normal. Collagen supplements made me loo about 500 yrs older!

Find what works for you x

The only thing that sorted my acne was completely stop eating sugar and carbs, this was after years of medication, serums, acne gels etc
very hormonal acne around my jawline and nose which used to get me very down. Took about a month

Thanks everyone, this is really helping!
I brush my teeth 3 times a day, don't smoke, don't drink tea, coffee or any alcohol yet my teeth still have this yellow ish tinge, it's so frustrating.
Wow that's so strange the collagen affected you like that! I wonder what happened?

@Merryoldgoat I agree. Your 40s brings acceptance. I am currently on holiday in a v warm city on the med. My bikini/tiny dress years are long gone but feel happy going out for drinks and dinner in an elegant, deep green, low backed kaftan from Other Stories.

That's great you were able to cut out the sugar and carbs. I really need to, I managed it for a month last year but fell off the wagon again.

It’s really hard but my consultant recommended it and it does make me feel better.

It’s not easy but I’m 12lb down in 5 weeks which I’m happy with.

But I miss chocolate A LOT.

Look at ur diet OP- I'm nearly 37 and 6 months ago increased my fruit and veg intake 10 fold and reduced the processed food. I've lost over a stone and my skin is much better.

Have a go at giving up dairy for a month to see if that helps for acne.

Best reply I’ve ever seen on mumsnet for anything ever. You sound ace.

I found an antibiotic lotion the best for acne. Dalacin t on prescription.

Post of the year!

@Ginmonkeyagain

I totally agree. I need to lose a significant amount of weight but I’m much more likely to be successful being kind to myself.

@Bumblenums

Yes - this last month I’ve had hardly any processed food and loads of fresh veg and fruit and I just ‘look’ better. Weight loss isn’t noticeable yet but there’s an almost imperceptible improvement.

So true. I used to think my brothers ex was really beautiful. Then I got to know her and her, and her nastiness started to shine through. Now all I see is an awful bully. Attractiveness is in the whole package, so work on being happy, healthy and fulfilled, it will shine out of you

Which exfoliator are you using?... is it an aha/BHA?

Using exfoliator every day is not good for your skin, particularly if you are using a strong vitamin A such as Tret....

Exfoliate max twice per week.

Your skin is a living organ and should largely be left to get on with it by itself. We don’t bother our kidneys or our lungs in the same way.

I don’t think it’s as simple as ‘use these products’ and you will look younger. Your skin will express the life you are living. I got a heavy forehead line in the course of a fortnight, when I was in my late twenties, because my parent had died. I could literally see it appearing on my face - not that I cared much at the time. At other times, when I have been happy, relaxed and rested, I look years younger.

I’m now in my late forties and about five years ago I pretty much gave up on cleansing and exfoliation. I came to the conclusion that it was making my face redder than it needed to be. I used one (albeit expensive) moisturiser and infrequently cleanse my face with a gentle gel-based cleanser. I treat my skin a lot more gently.

I notice not a jot of difference from this reduced routine.

My skin routine is:

In the morning my face gets wet in the shower.
I put on some Dermalogica Active Moist

In the evening I take a tissue and gently blot off any excess oil before bed. Occasionally I actually massage the excess oil from my forehead into any areas that are a bit drier.

There’s a tip the cosmetics industry won’t give you!

I am vigilant about staying out of the sun but use sunscreen only when I’m on holiday or going to be spending a lot of time outside.

If you’re working as a landscape gardener, sure, but for an office job you probably don’t need it.

I totally get it, OP. I was given medication to plunge me into the menopause last year at 37 due to severe gynae issues. Leaving aside the utter head-fuck of it all, my looks have taken a hit and I've lost a lot of confidence. Obviously ageing is something we all have to accept but in my case it wasn't a gradual thing, it was "we'll give you these injections to stop your periods" "sounds great, thanks very much"... BOOM now you're old! This time last year I couldn't buy a bottle of wine without getting asked for ID, men in their twenties would flirt with me thinking I was the same age as them. Now I look haggard, tired and frumpy.

I've found that I have to spend time and money just to look ok now, whereas I used to look stunning with no effort whatsoever. Having my hair professionally coloured every 5-6 weeks, good quality make up and skincare products, a supplement for healthy skin, hair and nails, nice clothes and jewellery make me feel, not exactly good about myself, but definitely better. I'd love to be the sort of person who says "fuck it" and genuine doesn't care, but I'm not. I'm reluctant to go down the road of botox and fillers as it's expensive to maintain and I'd still end up doing the other stuff listed above anyway.

Sometimes I wonder if I really do look as bad as I think I do, or if hormones and a growing awareness that my youth is behind me has made me scrutinise my appearance more? Because it's not just about looks is it? When I look in the mirror and think "god I look old" it's not just my vanity that stirs up negative emotions. There's an element of that, sure, but it's mixed up with other stuff. There's regret, about the time I wasted on stuff and people that didn't matter, chances I didn't take, things I took for granted. There's anxiety, about the future, ageing parents, DC growing up and going out into the world, whether DH and I will both remain healthy, so many unknowns. There's a sadness there too, because although I'm grateful for the stability, security and comfort of my life now and I wouldn't wish to return to the chaos of my early 20's, I also don't feel things as deeply. There's no cream for any of that that though is there, so I suppose it's easier to obsess about fine lines and wrinkles!

@Whitecup24 @42isthemeaning

Thanks! 💐💐Absolutely lovely comments, thought I was gonna be told off again for being unrealistic 🙈😂
I hope @Boooooooring is feeling more herself today! ❤

Seeing women so down on themselves really upsets me, I'd love a MN thread where posters who feel this way could show their faces and we could tell them, "lass, your cheekbones/eyebrow game/smile" is stunning! Stop being mean to yourself!". (Understandably trolls/journos make this impossible, which is so sad.)
Because no way would you catch one of these posters being so hard on their friend or anyone else really. We're programmed to go hard on ourselves.
Many years ago I suffered with agoraphobia after one particularly cruel comment shouted at me from a van.
Years later I was telling a wonderful Locum GP who asked me about it just in passing, she said, I quote, "I suppose he was magic fucking Mike?" And you know what, he absolutely wasn't. He wasn't more than Mediocre Mike 😂
Her eyeroll and her just whole seeing through this insecure little weasel changed me. I never saw her again but that one sentence made me determined to never let someone else's shitty behaviour or words make me feel how I spent years feeling.
I just hope that all people who felt who I felt one day experience that eureka moment of, "well, they're no magic Mike!"

I had bad acne as a teenager (40 now) and it's left my skin scarred and red looking. I don't get spots anymore but my skin will never look good. I over plucked my eyebrows in the 90s so I have nothing to work with, I have the worst eyebrows of anyone I know.

I'm also over weight, full of cellulite everywhere, extremely pale. I've never been attractive, it massively affected my mental health growing up, I hated myself. I could look good when I was out because of the dim lighting but I would never agree to meet anyone in the day time. It was horrible.

I'm more at ease with myself now but I'm definitely unattractive, I used to have beautiful teeth but during covid I got a mouth infection and my gums started to recede, they aren't awful but they aren't like they used to be.

My husband is quite attractive and our daughter looks like him but I can see me in her too and I worry that she'll have my skin and the effect it could have on her.

Dianette cleared my acne, if only I'd been given it earlier, I didn't get it til I was 22 and by then my skin had been ruined. I also used silver serum which was great and tropic blue lagoon serum.

Teeth whitening kit? I got mine it was around £400 from dentist but I paid it up over a year as it was something I’d always wanted, it’s really made a difference and I’ve smoked and also drink loads of coffee and coke !!

You haven't mentioned your health. What do you eat and drink? What are your stress levels? How do you sleep? What do you do for relaxation and self care?

Crest whitestrips really work and are cheap.

I very much doubt you are ugly though!

I think this could be where you're going wrong. A face wipe won't remove Spf so you're blocking your pores. I would use an oil cleanser, massage for 1 minute then rinse with water then use something like the cerave face wash. Then use your Tret over entire face. Then moisturiser. Nothing else. Try that for a month. (With Spf in day time)

I'm 41 and know exactly what you mean. I think if you're an acne sufferer its really hard to adjust when you have the early years with both acne and signs of ageing. I have quite clear age lines by my eyes and on my forehead now (Botox isn't really my thing so just going with it) but still tackling blemishes.

First of all I personally find SPF a real disaster for my skin. There are very few I can tolerate without cystic acne breaking out. I only ever wear it on my face when it's really sunny and I'm likely to burn on. I know that's against advice on ageing but the acne is so painful and is now leaving scars, so ageing faster matters less to me than trying to keep it at bay.

I have recently starting using 47 Skin (only tried the serum and the mask) and it's made a bit difference to my skin.