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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men’s Asylum seeker accommodation next to school

569 replies

chibcha · 07/07/2023 22:36

I feel quite ashamed by how I feel but want to know if it warranted.

There has been an announcement that a 500 men’s asylum seeker accommodation is going ahead against councils decision (it was overruled on a national scale). This is Stafford btw

It will be butted up to (no gap) to my DCs school and opposite a nursery. It’s not because they are asylum seekers that concerns me. It’s the fact it’a 500 men unit, with many with no known history / criminal records/ mental state.

I work over an hour away and currently my daughter who is 12 walks to the bus etc, she also does after school clubs then walks home alone. Most parents at the school are talking about moving their kids but in reality and logistically that’s not going to happen.

I genuinely feel scared for her safety. AIBU?
Its the location of it that’s wrong and the fact the council stated issues and concerns so refused it but got overruled by the government…

OP posts:
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18
JudgeRudy · 08/07/2023 08:28

Ponoka7 · 08/07/2023 08:00

The issue is that in some cultures girls from 13 are seen as women. White women/girls are seen as fair game. As once was in our society. Read the thread on the most inappropriate thing to happen, the men in the 70/80's wasn't pedophiles, the attitudes around teen girls was different. It's a mind set. There doesn't seem to be any education going on in these centers. They've brushed over the issues in Knowsley. The police went into denial. Stayed with that, but then admitted that they did have to speak to some men about sexually harassing children and then moved the men. Ask African women about African men, most women's first sexual encounter is as a child/adult man and the men don't face consequences. There can be cultural differences at play in regards to attitudes towards women.

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I'm aware of cultural differences so effectively what you are saying is it's the fact that they're asylum seekers (of a different culture) rather than a group of men that is the issue. I don't think OP implied that.
My thoughts are that you shouldn't label a group of people potential sex offenders without good reason.
I'm imagining the children of this school picking up on their parents' alarm and forming negative views of 'foreigners' in general. This can't be a good thing.

Tiredmum100 · 08/07/2023 08:29

Beautiful3 · 08/07/2023 07:37

500 men with unknown backgrounds, from cultures where girls are seen as lower status and be married. Most of those countries have high sex crimes against children and women. These men are going to be unemployed and hanging around. My cousin lives in Liverpool, they've had big problems with them grooming local teen girls. There's been fighting and protests from the locals. It's shocking how the government tells us to accommodate, without caring what happens to our children.

Exactly. All the people shouting the op must be racist and needs to show compassion, are living in cookoo land. Would they want 500 men living next door to them..and I mean 500 men of any race or religion. No. Of course they wouldn't. 500 men will cause problems. Even if it's a lot of noise! Nor to mention the stats on male violence towards women. (ONS for reference). I live in a poorer class working area. We have only 2 really good hotels in the area. One has just been closed to house asylum seekers. So that means a loss of jobs. People's weddings cancelled. But hey, who cares. These people can no longer pay their bills, support their families etc, and we're already in a cost of living crisis. I guess someone will be along to say that we are selfish for having weddings in hotels when so many people have nothing, and we should give up everything to help others. But the people who already live here just don't matter. Not to the government anyway. Local businesses have been advertising to those who have lost their jobs to get in touch with them. I know of some people who were recently housed in an empty nursing home. That, to me, makes far more sense. We have plenty of empty buildings where I live that could be made safe and house people. And ffwi I believe they should be a mixture of men, women and children.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 08/07/2023 08:33

The issue isn't that OP is racist.

It's her double standards - she's happy to welcome migrants to the UK but she's not happy to have them near her or her children.

inamarina · 08/07/2023 08:38

BadgerFacedCoo · 08/07/2023 07:27

I've never worked asylum but I've worked homeless shelters.

Large groups of men housed like this is awful. I've walked through prisons and felt safe. The hostels and shelters were awful.

Large groups of bored angry men are terrifying.

Some very naive posters shouting racism here.

This.
People asking OP if she would have the same issue with other men living in her town seem so faux naive to me.
I‘d assume there is a difference between 500 single men with not much to do, all living together in a crowded environment or 500 men spread throughout the community, many with partners/ families, jobs etc.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 08/07/2023 08:42

We have an asylum seekers hotel with only men in it on the edge of our village & other than some issues with them wondering country lanes in the dark & nearly being run over, we’ve had no problems but a lot of effort has been put in by local charities & ppl in the village to support them. I can understand why the OP is concerned. It’s about 5 x more than we have and unless there is a concerted effort to put help & support in they’ll be bored & tbf with the community on edge even if they’re hanging about not doing anything, the mere fact they’re hanging about will cause tensions.

Boomboom22 · 08/07/2023 08:43

Gytgyt · 08/07/2023 08:27

I think this is wrong though. You can't assume that these people aren't in real danger or living in sheer poverty they probably are living in poverty. Who told you they have paid thousands to seek asylum?

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How do you think they pay? It's not free to get on a smugglers boat! Do you seriously think they just group together and get on a dinghy? Do you ever even listen to the news?

BadgerFacedCoo · 08/07/2023 08:43

EducatingArti · 08/07/2023 08:08

Not my experience at all. I've been in my local homeless hostel for men, many times. My experience is that the men are extremely anxious and shy. Before COVID we used to visit with buffet food and chat to them. Only a few would come and chat, others would stick their head round the door, then disappear very quickly. They are used to being treated as invisible or rejected and insulted so are very wary of others ( even a majority women group with an average age of over 60).
We used to leave the food out so that they could come and help themselves once we had left.

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I've never been in a men's a hostel as part of a group of mostly over 60 women.

Maybe that's why our experiences differ.

DontBeAPrickDarren · 08/07/2023 08:46

Just to reiterate:

  • there’s a planning condition that there can be no more than 481 residents - so that won’t be bunking them up two or three to a room as has happened elsewhere.
  • it is mixed use - so single men, women and families. The proposed layout of the building is such that areas can be restricted to certain groups.
  • the local council refused planning permission and opposed it on appeal. Reports suggest Serco had exceptional (expensive) legal representation. That fact this whole thing is profit driven and about who has the most money to throw around is repulsive in itself.
  • local MP is fucking useless and couldn’t point to Stafford on a map.
Lwrenagain · 08/07/2023 08:51

@chibcha I'd also hate 500 men living near my DC school. Culture completely aside, 1 in 30 men have a predisposition for children.
So IDC where these men are from, I care that there is a huge number of them, if you see what I'm saying?!

But saying that, I have worked in care my whole adult life and alot of the peadophiles I've worked with, which is many, sadly, with some form on learning difficulties or ND have been housed very close to schools.
One child sex offender I worked with had a bedroom overlooking a playground of juniors, absolutely disgusting that it was even allowed. His learning disability was as a mild as a korma and boiled rice, he really didn't need a support plan in place. He had full independence and just lucked out where he was homed. It was awful.
There are risks to children everywhere that parents have no idea about.
The system is flawed when it comes to child safety, (I once attended a meeting where a sex offender had been exposing himself and masturbating in his window to the child in the house opposite, this man's social worker had wanted the child to be given some responsibility for "teasing" him, as he was a vulnerable adult. I'm genuinely not fabricating/lying/exaggerating this in any way, it was about 18 years ago.)

Unfortunately when it comes to the safety of children, we're governed by people that couldn't give less of a fuck and were all surrounded by risks we're unaware of.

If nothing else, you know with 500 men there will be a risk and I'm hopeful that you will be able to work with other school parents to carpool etc?

Whilst it's wonderful we're helping asylum seekers, it's less wonderful we're not considering the risks posed by men. As others pointed out, women just don't carry the same threat.

pickledandpuzzled · 08/07/2023 09:25

It may well be mixed accommodation in principle, but the proportion of women and children arriving is extremely small in comparison to the men

Nevermind31 · 08/07/2023 09:36

miniegg3 · 08/07/2023 00:39

I wanted to add that many are from a culture that don't respect women, especially western woman.. but assumed I'd have everyone jump down my throat 🫣

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I’m not saying that that is the case for all male asylum seekers. And many men from this country don’t treat women well either, but it was my anecdotal experience. It wasn’t nice.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 08/07/2023 09:38

Sorry op but I would worry too - I would move my child but that’s me. 500 men that you have no idea backgrounds of?

VisionsOfSplendour · 08/07/2023 09:45

PriamFarrl · 07/07/2023 23:09

My town has asylum seekers housed in a hotel in the town centre. I’ve only ever seen about 3 people and I go past regularly. Over certainly not seen gangs of men hanging around.

What does that prove? My brother works in a place where there is an asylum hotel and there most definitely are groups of young men who have nothing to do hanging around the streets, intimidating women and children and generally being anti social

Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it isn't happening and isnt a very valid concern

Feckedupbundle · 08/07/2023 09:46

A hotel near our nearest town did this. Men only accomodation. There were problems with groups of men cat calling and harassing girls,and some boys. It was hushed up in general.
The same hotel is still being used,but for women and children only. Zero problems since then.
I'd be liasing with other parents to escort them to school and back.

Emmamoo89 · 08/07/2023 09:47

Yanbu

DisquietintheRanks · 08/07/2023 09:48

toffeeappleglow · 07/07/2023 23:32

You are not being unreasonable. Like it or not, there's no way of knowing which of these men will be a threat, but with 500 men and no way to ascertain possible criminal backgrounds or other problems, it's inevitable that some of them aren't safe around anyone, but especially not children.

So how does that differ from having a bog standard housing estate right next to your child's school?

redreal · 08/07/2023 09:52

I live near Bassingbourn and about a decade ago the locals were called nimbys, racists and bigots for expressing concern about the arrival of 300 libyans to train at Bassingbourn barracks.
You can guess the rest.....

www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-32687137.amp

VisionsOfSplendour · 08/07/2023 09:54

DisquietintheRanks · 08/07/2023 09:48

So how does that differ from having a bog standard housing estate right next to your child's school?

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Hmm, I don't know what could possibly be different between asylum seekers squashed in unsuitable accomodation not allowed to do anything with no money and homeowners/tenants in a new housing estate

That's quite the puzzler

KarmaStar · 08/07/2023 09:58

This reply has been deleted

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Naunet · 08/07/2023 10:04

JudgeRudy · 07/07/2023 23:58

Known paedophiles wouldnt be housed by a school but unless someone had a conviction you probably wouldn't know. There are sex offenders everywhere. I don't think you can just assume 'there might be' sex offender amongst them so let's move them away from the schools. What about all the other men that live near schools...or parks or anywhere.
Surely everyone's presumed innocent till shown otherwise.

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Surely everyone's presumed innocent till shown otherwise

No, that’s for court, not for the real world. It’s why you teach kids not to go off with strangers, why women shouldn’t accept lifts from men they don’t know, why we have safeguarding in place in various situations. We do not all go around giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.

landbeforegrime · 08/07/2023 10:05

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/07/2023 23:16

How on Earth would anyone know who’s a paedophile?

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"it's a well known fact that paedophiles who are not known to be paedophiles are really safe because no one knows about the abuse they perpetrate. except the victims. but so long as no one else finds out, we can guarantee they are 100% safe," said the village idiot.

JazbayGrapes · 08/07/2023 10:05

500 hundred men, young, single, and bored. Also from cultures which don't favour females and . Yeah, its racist to be less than enthusiastic.

ilovesooty · 08/07/2023 10:07

TooBigForMyBoots · 07/07/2023 23:53

No, it is not. That's why more than 80% of Mnetters who voted said the OP is not BU.

Most people know that we have a serious immigration problem. And we can all see why. Its not woke lefty liberal bullies or any other bogeyman. Its the Tory government's fault.

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Absolutely. This is a failing of the current government and its policies.

DontBeAPrickDarren · 08/07/2023 10:25

What I don’t understand is why Serco are being paid millions to house asylum seekers but are not being required to use any of that money to provide activities, English lessons, integration/British values type activity and mental health support. Everything that gets done seems to be down to the voluntary sector around the hotels, the local authority and NHS while Serco laugh all the way to the bank.

MostlyBlueberryFlavoured · 08/07/2023 10:30

redreal · 08/07/2023 09:52

I live near Bassingbourn and about a decade ago the locals were called nimbys, racists and bigots for expressing concern about the arrival of 300 libyans to train at Bassingbourn barracks.
You can guess the rest.....

www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-32687137.amp

Wandering the village and shopping for alcohol! What is the world coming to?!