To speak to 10 yr old like this is not ok

[bendywendy26]

DH has just told our 10 year old daughter to “stop that shit”. She was kicking him (more pushing him with her feet) as he lay across the sofa in front of her.
I think this is totally wrong - she was shocked and told me afterwards she felt sad that Daddy had used a swear word at her.
I have lost my perspective in my relationship with him - we think very differently about what kind of behaviour is acceptable.
AIBU to say he should have apologised to her, as this was a wrong thing to do?

His language wasn’t ideal but even less ideal was a 10 year old kicking people.

I don't think it is awful tbh. It sounds like she needed to be told to stop kicking him, that is behaviour that needs to be managed and honesty stop that shot is pretty mild. I mean time plays a part but unless he was very mean and aggressive I don't think I could get too worked up. I certainly wouldn't be undermining him with forced apologies.

I agree OP it is wrong, he is a grown man and should be modelling how he wants his DD to behave and yes he should apologise.

But want to caveat this and say, we are all human and we sometimes say things we should nt in anger. The important thing is that he owns up to the mistake.

I think they should have both apologised. Yes swearing at a child isn’t ideal but sometimes said child needs to see how their behaviour affects others.

It’s not ideal but at 10 you’re old enough to know that adults swear when they get annoyed and that if you behave annoyingly then there are consequences.

we think very differently about what kind of behaviour is acceptable.

You seemingly think kicking someone is okay?
Is swearing an ideal solution? Of course not. Is 10 years old enough to do things like this on purpose to push parents buttons? Absolutely.

Not ideal but hardly shocking. 10 year olds will have heard worse in the playground, they know swear words.

I don't think she should have been kicking him and I don't think what he said in response was particularly awful.

Well, it sounds like she was being a shit.

Wow. You’ve made it to age 10 without your child being sworn at (a fairly mild swear tbh).
Congrats. Well done you.
It’s not perfect but seriously she was being annoying by kicking him.

Dc are allowed to see adults are human too. Dd wasn't exactly being respectful was she?

Your 10 year old was kicking her Dad, and you want HIM to apologise for using a fairly tame swear word?

Riiiiight.

She shouldn’t have been kicking him, serves her right, she’s 10 not 2

She was, and he didn’t even call her a shit, just ‘stop that shot’.

He was absolutely fine to say what he said she's 10 not 2!

I have no idea what differing parenting strategies you have but a firm line for kicking is absolutely ok. Although I do find it interesting that you immediately minimise what she is doing with your comment about more pushing him with her foot.

*that shit

You should be telling the 10 year old that it’s not ok to be kicking or pushing her dad with her feet. I wouldn’t have put up with that behaviour either.

It isn't ideal but nobody's perfect. It is your dd who should be apologising.

She was 'sad' was she? Tell her to imagine how she'd feel if she was being kicked! 😂

It's not ideal to say shit in front of her but it's not the end of the world. If she hasn't said shit already when she's with her friends, it won't be long.

I wouldn't even consider that she was being sworn "at", just that the behaviour was shit. If he called her "a little shit" I might muster up the enthusiasm to act annoyed. Despite the fact that at 10yrs old and kicking her dad that is exactly how she was acting

She feels “sad”?
Sounds a tad manipulative to me, and you fell for it.
Her behaviour was poor.
Some households are more sweary than others 🤷🏻‍♀️
We’ve always said in our household that language needs to be proportionate - I think his was.
Even if it isn’t it your view, she rather neatly turned the focus away from her behaviour, hasn’t she? 🧐

”Look kiddo, sometimes adults swear. It’s not always ideal, but it’s not something to feel “sad” about. He should have said, “stop that nonsense”, but actually - he shouldn’t have had to say anything to you at all should he?. Don’t do it again.”

I have a 10 year old, I'm pretty sure him and his mates swear like troopers when they think adults can't hear them. Plus, my 10 year old would never kick me like that, if he did, I'd probably tell him to pack the fuck in. He would also never pull the 'I'm sad Daddy swore at me' card because he's not a manipulative brat. He'd know he was in the wrong for kicking!

It’s a fairly standard reaction I’d say, he needs to apologise for rude language, but it sounds like she was being really annoying!

@Stressfordays - two posts in a row calling it manipulative. It needs the, “🤨 how about you be sad about your behaviour?” treatment.

Thanks all for the responses - consensus seems to be I’m over-reacting!

He has a history of shouting/swearing at me in front of the kids when he loses his temper, so I’m probably over-protective of her being treated with any kind of similar behaviour….