Husband annoyed that my family haven't arranged to celebrate DCs birthday

[HailHale]

Will try to keep it short. My husband and I share a child and he also has an older child with his ex. Our child is 3 and SS is 8.

The children's birthdays are about 2 weeks apart.

For my toddlers birthday my family came round and we all had a food together, my grandma made a cake, family members all brought a dish kind of thing. It wasn't extravagant but it was a nice day/evening.

I need to preface this with saying I have never arranged or planned anything for my SS for his birthday before as its always been between DH and his mum and this is the first year I've done something like this for our toddler as other years they were just too young to really care.

This year unfortunately his mum is away looking after a very unwell family member and so SS is with us over his birthday (which is tomorrow).

DH randomly asked me this morning whether I'd planned anything for it and when I said no why? He said i should have asked my family to do the same for SS. He works all week and apparently doesn't have the time to be planning parties (I'm part time). I will add here that DH has no family here, they are all abroad and not close.

Aibu to not have arranged anything with my family for SS and to not rush around doing it now? Happy to go for a meal just us but not asking my family to mess around now at the last minute because he's not done anything for his own son.

@tidalway will you be getting royalties for your latest fantasy offering? Or simply sharing whatever your myopic imagination stretches to for our amusement and entertainment?

@tidalway The boy they'd already bought presents for, and took out for a meal per OPs assumption? He was fine.

Your made up oliver twist-esque creature certainly suffered. He's not real or based in fact, but yes- in your fictitious world the made up boy probably continues to struggle through his miserable unloved existence.

As I mentioned upthread, no you really didn't put the child first. For the sake of blindly going with your assumption that OP was lying about something that was completely plausible and logical, you've contributed to a culture where step parents will hate and resent their position because of the ridiculous mud slinging they receive even when they do nothing wrong, and no doubt that will no doubt filter down into their relationship with their SC and how much they have to do with them.

Well done you, I'm sure it was worth it to berate someone with complete confidence that your wild hunch was correct, over something that made zero material difference to the child getting a nice birthday anyway!

Goodness me that's quite a work of fiction 🤣

😂 you honestly sound like a conspiracy theorist at this point.

I'm sure many of us on here can attest that we would and probably have given minimal thought to the planning of other people's kids birthday's we've never been involved with before, especially more than a couple of days in advance. Absolutely no trouble believing that that is what happened.

@tidalway

you ok Hun?

This. Is. Amazing.

Well...that explains a lot.

Gosh, I wonder if the nutters can keep this thread going until his 9th birthday. The kid sounds like he had a fun day and it was clearly always the case he would from the OP’s posts. What he didn’t get was a party, cobbled together by the OP at the last minute, where the invitees would be a bunch of virtual strangers to her DSS, as per the DH’s petulant request. I’m pretty sure most 8 year olds would be bloody relieved they didn’t have to endure that, versus what he actually got and would always be getting in the OP’s mind - a day out, a treat meal of his choosing and presents.

When’s the sequel out tho?

I think there’s been a lack of communication all round and you and your husband are in blame mode and not taking responsibility. Put your heads together and converse properly putting feelings aside. It’s not about you. SS’s self esteem and self worth is at stake.

if at all possible, ask your SS what he’d like, you’ve still time.
also, and I appreciate this is a long shot, do you have a reasonable relationship with the mum? You could phone her to see how she’s coping, chat about your dilemma and ask for advice.