To Ask if You are Materialistic?

[BeLikeThatSometimes]

And if so, is there anything wrong with it?

I have dreamt about nice clothes and “stuff” in general as far as I remember back, perhaps because we had limited budget growing up and nobody was spoilt.

Now reasonably successful professional, my tastes and aspirations are different but I still think a lot about material things and how they make life more enjoyable and beautiful. My friends and parents are not like this, my mother is big on culture, my grown up daughter values experiences more, and I feel shallow and indulgent I’m comparison, obsessing over prospect of new hand towels, shoes, body lotion, bedding, garden furniture etc. Not a hoarder but always something “next on the list” to research, check out etc - not always buy!

Anyone else like this?

I think I probably am, but only to a certain extent.
I could comfortably afford to work part time, but choose not to, and that's because I enjoy my high disposable income. And what do I want to do with it? Save, pay down the mortgage, have experiences and buy nice things.
BUT - I'm fairly minimalist, and have a one-in-one-out policy on clothes and items for the house. I only buy good quality that lasts. I'm not into 'going shopping' generally and for no purpose - I always go wanting to buy one specific item that I really want. I'm not into owning loads of shoes, handbags, jewellery, tech, or anything along those lines. I drive a crap car that I own outright. I never experience envy of what others have.
But yes, I'm always researching the next purchase - which might be an item of furniture for the house, a new rug, a plant for the garden, or a 'key' clothing item that I think I will get lots of wear out of - such as a winter coat or great pair of jeans.

I was very materialistic when I was working in a successful career. Since having to give up work due to ill health I don’t care so much, I have a limited budget and much prefer spending it going out and seeing friends and family, having experiences and travelling when I can. I also feel a weight has been lifted owing less stuff, and I always search for the cheapest way to buy something if I need/want it. For example I used to fill 3 double wardrobes with clothes plus multiple storage boxes. Now I have one double wardrobe and one storage box with my ‘holiday clothes’. I feel like there’s less maintenance, tidying, replacing, I actually used to worry more about what I’d wear as I was overwhelmed with choices. Now I have a handful of outfits and just go with them.

What an interesting thread, thanks OP!

To meet me I doubt you'd know the chaos and poverty and squalor I was raised in, unless I told you prior.
I was raised by violent alcoholic parents in one of the roughest council estates in the UK.

My father would destroy everything we owned in temper, from toys, to televisions. We had very little.

We also weren't allowed to cook food that had a smell, so no garlic, nothing he didn't like, even if it wasn't something that smelt such as pasta, as he hated it, he'd literally throw it in the bin or against a wall as we ate it, sorry for grim back story, but it's relevant to answer this question.

Now, in everyday life my friends don't know this, I'm not ashamed, I just don't want to be labeled as some kind of DV victim.

So my biggest material love is my kitchen. I grow herbs, I will spend money on bulk buying spices and herbs.

I love my fresh produce, I love trying new foods, I have cook books I research before buying. Food from the globe. Tony Bourdaine was/still is a huge hero of mine.
I adore my kitchen gadgets, fancy peelers, my TK maxx le crustet casserole dishes.
Fancy table cloths, making my table up for Christmas Dinner knowing it isn't going to end in my mother being blue lighted to A&E after an attack from my father, it just soothes me.

I also enjoy making sure my DC have lovely bedrooms, nice cosy bedding, plenty of books to read.

I have a woman who lives a few miles away I met on FB market place who I buy my DCs clothes from, she only buys really expensive cotton clothes for her DC and they'd ordinarily be too expensive for me, but I asked her once after purchasing a bundle of beautiful clothes would she consider just selling to me. She has for many years now. And once my DC are done the clothes are still in wonderful condition and I donate them to our local women's aid place.

So I have very specific things I care about and source myself as much as I can. But maybe I'd get less pleasure in those things was it not for the experiences I faced as a child?

I've really enjoyed reading everyone's replies to this and have genuinely found it thought provoking.

I was, but not so much these days, I'm in my 50s and experiences are more important to me now. But maybe that's because I'm financially stable, in my forever home etc. saying that my dh and df clubbed together to buy me a designer watch I'd always wanted for my 50th, which I adore

I LOVE this!

Really interesting thread. I am borderline obsessed with bargains and having a beautiful house. Everything I buy is second hand - eBay/charity shops/antique shops and I will rarely splurge on a big item but it is a bone of contention with my husband. I am beginning to see that my weekly bargains add up to a lot of spending (we are fairly well off so not impacting on anything else) and my husband also despises clutter so it is definitely problematic.

People say my house is beautiful and I am very influenced by Instagram/magazines etc but with a real sense of satisfaction that (for example) I have upholstered a headboard myself with a few metres of designer fabric that I bought from the Haines collection so all in all representing real value for money. It is addictive though - walking into a charity shop brings me a sense of peace and finding the diamond in the rough releases the same serotonins I imagine an addict would get from a fix. I'm not sure what the answer is but I'm sure it's not altogether healthy trying to get a mood altering fix from "stuff" however benign it may seem. It has removed me from my family while I'm fantasising about the next change I'm making to the house/hanging out on Pinterest rather than engaging with my family etc.

One example is that I need to go abroad to see my brother next year (will cost approx £10k for the family) as I haven't been since he's lived abroad for 15 years although he has been here. I am already bemoaning the cost of tickets and comparing them to what I could do to the house instead which shows that I have my priorities wrong 😔

No. I go out of my way not to be. The only materialistic weakness I have is fine art and fine art equipment. I avoid status symbols like the plague. I love old things - old clothes, old furniture, old books. I don't buy new things. I fix stuff. This country's way of living is now based on people buying stuff - which is mainly made in Chinese slave factories- and pretending to be richer that they are. I've been to the countries where the stuff is made like China and Bangladesh. It takes the shine off when you see kids in a sweatshops making clothes that wealthy middle class women buy for "status". Laughable and desperately sad culture.

I like good quality things but that’s more because I want things that’ll last and I just don’t see the point of buying cheap stuff that you have to replace, but I wouldn’t say I’m materialistic.

I do like a nice house etc. though and nicely decorated house but I think that’s more because of the environment it creates so you can relax more easily.

One thing I’m definitely not materialistic about is cars!!!!! Do not give a crap about cars. We have a 2018 Vauxhall Astra we bought for £8k outright and we’ll have it until it’s up to 100m miles. But I can’t understand people who get brand new cars on finance that cost more than the deposit on their house!

How do you manage. What if one of you is ill?

No, not at all. I almost wish I was a bit more materialistic but it’s not me and it never will be. I do like collecting books though but other than that I don’t do stuff. My car functions and is economical. I dress for comfort not fashion and buy new clothes when they rip or start to look tatty 🤦‍♀️.

I have literally thousands in the bank just sitting there but I do spend a lot on multiple holidays so I guess I am more experience based.

To add to my earlier post, my house earns me a lot of money (without outing myself it is partly based on design and interiors) so it means I justify my obsession but this still makes me uncomfortable.

All our furniture is second hand except the electrical goods and beds.
I buy my clothes from supermarkets, Vinted and charity shops.
My car is very small and old.

This describes me too. I do covet lovely things though. I love finding something special in a charity shop or car boot and I also prefer a bit too much clutter over minimalism.

I’m not materialistic at all.
The most expensive thing in my home (apart from my car) is my PS4 which is several years old now anyway.

I am not well off but even if I was I wouldn’t be materialistic.

The majority of things in my home are second hand or free.
The only time I usually buy new is for kitchen appliances just because they’re so heavy and come with a warranty.

I personally don’t see the point in buying a £500+ sofa when I can get a gorgeous one for cheap or free because someone else is getting rid of theirs.

I grew up very poor (1 towel for 6 of us to share) and I still struggle for money now.
My mum is now a massive hoarder and will spend until she literally has no money left.
So I’m not sure which makes me like this.

I definitely prefer experiences over things.
And if I had the money I would go on holiday and see the world.

If I won the lottery there is nothing I would want to buy (apart from a house eventually) and I still wouldn’t buy designer clothes or anything. I would just travel constantly for a few years.

I suppose I am in some ways, but not in others.

For context, I grew up in a Hoarder's Hovel where nothing was as important as having the maximum amount of the cheapest Stuff possible and things were never repaired, thrown out or replaced, they were only ever added to. And then I was absolutely skint for many years as an adult, so sometimes had to put up with things that cost me more in the long run because they were cheap and had to be replaced/never quite worked properly/self destructed within 24 minutes of the warranty expiring (or were free).

I work bloody hard for my money and if I have to buy something, whilst it's still only Stuff, I'll be buggered if I'm going to make do with the cheapest, least useful, least efficient, poorly made shit.

So I will take as long as it takes to plan, research, consider, add in an 'I'm thinking about it' period (that can last years if it's not an urgent, pressing need), and only when I am sure that it is definitely Right, I'll buy it. Once I've got to that point, the price isn't that much of a concern - but I won't buy for the sake of buying, I don't go for particular brands on the basis of marketing and I never, ever, trust a yellow sticker or 'special offer'.

Ahh this is lovely to read. I grew up with not much money and a chaotic household.
I love nice stuff and we have managed to have a nice house and go on exotic holidays. Also putting our kids through uni was a big thing for me as I couldn’t afford to go when I was younger.
my kids seem to have grown up well rounded and appreciative of what we do for them.
your post just resonated with me ❤️

I am extremely materialistic about my two bikes and my instruments, too! Planning on not owning a car, so can have a third bike! (all with different purposes)

When it comes to clothes, I dislike the lack of workmanship that goes into mass production, even of expensive brands, so make my own! And I am then very materialist about those!

If I want something, I can afford it and I have a genuine use for it I buy it. I spent a lot of money on my house, partly as an investment and partly because it’s my home and I want to live in a nice place. I buy good quality things and make them last where I can. I love culture and experiencing things so I go to the theatre and concerts a lot with family and friends. I wouldn’t say I was materialistic as such, I don’t value objects for their own sake. But I do value their use, if that makes sense.

I don’t think I had a specific “awakening” such as this, but quite similar to this I’d say I was fairly materialistic (probably in my late teens, early twenties) and now am not at all. It’s all stuff to me now too and I feel bad buying anything new really (environmentally) - everything really has to be justified.. how many times will it get worn? Can I pass it down between kids or will it likely be wanted by someone else etc?

There is nothing wrong with it unless people get into debt. My mother used to love going to clothes designer sales and to get bargains. I am pretty minimalist but that is just a different personality - nothing wrong me people being different. I and at least one of my children don't really like having to buy things. I just find it a hassle so eg would tend to wear clothes until there are holes in them and not buy many things at all really.

However I have bought things others might not have like house, school/ university fees. I probably spend more on food than some. People just differ.

I grew up poor but I'm not materialistic. I genuinely don't care about 'things' though I do want them to do what they're supposed to do and not break after 5 minutes or feel uncomfortable etc.

I do really, really value being able to 'do' stuff though, probably because 'doing' was such a rare treat when I was a kid. So eating out, staying at a Hotel after a night out because it's nicer than getting the last train, spending silly money on an artisan croissant rather than a Tesco one, buying whatever Theatre tickets I fancy etc

It's probably the same impulse just expressed differently.

Nothing wrong with it! As long as it doesn’t harm others.

I grew up poor in a different country. Now make a lot of money and I like the sense of security and freedom it gives me (yes I don’t have freedom from my employer but neither did my mum who was making peanuts and whereas we never went hungry, were dressed often shabbily and sometimes medicine was major expense if someone got ill and overall life was constant worry for her). I rather tolerate long hours and stress from well paid job than from lack of money.

there was a time where I was into luxury clothes and bags and home stuff, bought a bit of them and “got this out of my system”.
now i am more about experiences (restaurants, travelling, culture) and convenience (cleaners, Uber). Most important for me is to be able to spend money if I feel it is necessary or pleasurable (gotta cut down for second mat leave, but it’s temporary). I hate to experience that feeling again when I went to a nice supermarket as a student to admire for hours their lovely mugs and homeware (Sainsbury’s equivalent) and feel like it was unattainable luxury.

I am ok with buying lots of second hand stuff now, but I still like quality stuff (solid middle class. Not luxury brands). especially on sale 😂 rarely buy stuff full price. Primark is ok too when feels right.

so im not into things per se. But I completely understand you and there is nothing wrong with that, unless - for example -you buy expensive furniture and then nag your family to be always careful around it for example (because that would valuing objects over people).

enjoy the fruits of your labour:)

Also our home was small, cramped and not ‘nice’ so I love researching how to make it nice and beautiful too and there is a next thing on the list too. (AND find cheaper ways to furnish it in styles) Show home is never going to happen but some people comment that my previous flat looked stylish, I was very proud because I grew in anything but stylish home).

As long as you're not in debt and are dealing with important finances first eg bills/savings/pension there's nothing wrong with treating yourself.

I also grew up with very little money, paid my way through uni, bought house alone, furnished it myself, bought my car myself. I made a lot of sacrifices, didnt have a holiday for 8 years, only got my hair cut every 2 years etc.

I now earn more yet still feel guilty buying a £20 handbag or £20 sandals etc. But will treat my family or god children no problem at all

I am but it a bit of a weird way. I prefer to wear high-end, well made clothing that lasts – but I hate paying for it, so most of it is from eBay, charity stores, and massive sales. I don't remember the last time I bought anything new that was less than 50% off and most of my wardrobe is second hand. I never buy fast fashion. I have bought nice bags but they are around the £180 (marked down or second hand from £600+). I do like buying nice things for the house but it's mainly practical things that I will spend money on (e.g. nice towels that will last years and still look good, a high end vacuum that will work well for a long time etc) as I much prefer having things that last rather than constantly buying new stuff. I can spend hours dreaming about / researching homewares 😂I get really upset when things don't live up to expectation – e.g. I bought a really lovely pair of boots on sale (£200 down from £700) and the stitching on the upper basically disintegrated after a few months of wear – the brand refused to do anything because I'd bought them from a retailer not directly through them, and the retailer offered a £5 refund?! I certainly won't every be buying from that brand again as the quality just isn't there.