To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

No, the family is worse off with both parents working, so both parents need to look at flexible working, staggered shifts, etc. Eg DP and I work so he does an early start early finish, I do a late start late finish, so we can use a shorter childcare day, which works out £10 per day cheaper.

Framing the cost as “worse off with mum working” still suggests the issue is the woman’s to solve, generally by quitting. Nothing to stop men asking for flexible working or adjusting their working pattern to try to reduce the childcare bill.

In OPs situation though her family is “worse off with mum working” if she takes the receptionist job.

If OP wants to work full time and her partner quits work or reduces hours then they would be even worse off as she’s said he’s a much higher earner than her.

It does apply to fathers. If you notice, I did not specify mother or father in my post. Both mother and father should prioritize their children when navigating a balance between being with their children and making enough to pay bills and have fulfilling careers. Sometimes the father is better suited to care for the children while the mother works.

A big part of the reason mothers take care of babies is because they breastfeed them, this is simply a fact. Logic.

I have the same work pattern as you. Initially I worked 2 weekdays and a weekend. Dh wfh on the two weekdays to support me. He then compressed his hours so our current baby does not need childcare. We too have no family support. We've both made sacrifices. I decided to reduce my hours because when we met I was already earning at the ceiling in my profession. Dh was earning a lot less than me. Dh has the capacity to earn a lot more through promotions, has a payrise every year and gets a sizeable bonus every year whereas it just isn't a thing in my industry. Overall that is better for our family than if I was still working fulltime. He has always supported me working whatever hours I choose and now I'm freelance will change his day off (with enough notice) if I need to pick up a shift on a different day.

It's about what works best for your family and supporting each other.

Our breastfeeding rates are terrible though. By 6 weeks, the majority of babies are formula fed.

"Our breastfeeding rates are terrible though. By 6 weeks, the majority of babies are formula fed."

This is not a reason or excuse to put babies in day centres though.

The reason is usually because both parents need or want to work.

Ask yourself why this is the case. There are several possibilities, some of which include the pushing of formula at new mothers and the political left’s contempt for motherhood while simultaneously going after children with trans ideology. Who Even the word mother is under assault. As is the word woman.

Ponder until the light begins to dawn.

Oh give me a break, how on earth is formula pushed in the uk? It’s illegal to advertise it, you can’t run any offers on it and midwives aren’t even allowed to give out advice on how to use formula safely. So which bit pushes formula?

The reality is breastfeeding is irrelevant when it comes to women in the workforce given maternity leave in the uk can be 12 months plus annual leave is accrued, and a 1 year old won’t need to be fed throughout the day.

It's really interesting how emotive this topic is. If this was a men's forum I really think there would be genuine "you do you" sentiment.

We seem to feel ashamed if we work, ashamed if we don't, and it makes everyone very defensive.

It would be nice if childcare costs were such that average income families had more choices on this subject at the early years stage.

Don’t talk rubbish. Noone is pushing formula. Breastfeeding is rammed down women’s throats in the uk. Even so we have the legal right to a year off and even if you wanted to breastfeed after that it could be done outside working hours for a one year old.

Noone needs to go back to work before six months nor is it common to do so

I don't feel ashamed at all to be a working parent. I also don't think it's defensive to challenge comments such as working parents don't raise their children.

I went back at 3 months. I didn't need to but I wanted to.

I totally agree that it's not defensive to challenge that comment. I think the coment itself comes from a defensive place from the person making it.

Have you looked at the long term? You mention summer holidays costing a lot for childcare, but what about September onwards? And I'd look into the pay rises as a receptionist - because working in a cafe 2 days a week might be ok now but it's really a stopgap type of job. If you're not planning more kids, I'd look at what you want to be doing in another say 3 years when the little one starts school. Do you need to study to retrain?

They don't have to.

We have 2 under 3 so have to pay for both to go to a childminder. We both work full time. We have no help. I've actually just taken on a new job, better money and can work 1-2 days a week from home.

We are skint and really have to reign it all in, we live a simple life for now but in another year the hard work will pay off.

Going back to work at 6 weeks is incredibly unusual in the UK and has very little to do with our poor breastfeeding rates.

You dont have to sacrifice your career but then again why have kids if you want a career

🙄🙄🙄🙄

How many times have you said that to a man then? Do they need to give up work to be a real father? Or is that somehow ~not the same~

I know. I brought up the breastfeeding rates because a pp said it is usually women who look after babies because they breastfeed.

That isn't true because by 6 weeks, most babies are formula fed and like someone else said, it isn't relevant due to how long mothers usually take for maternity leave.

"I went back at 3 months. I didn't need to but I wanted to."

Could I ask why you felt you wanted to @SouthLondonMum22? Don't reply if you'd rather not.

I was bored out of my mind. I was ready to get back to some kind of normal and craved the mental stimulation work gives me.

Haven't you already posted about this new job?

YABU simply for having a misleading title. I might be mistaken but it doesnt sound like you sacrificed your career, because you didnt have one. People have choices and you didnt establish yourself in a career because you didnt want to wait to start a family. Of course there could be specific reasons why, but now you can start working towards your career goals you seem annoyed you need to pay for childcare.
Plenty of women have careers and children. Men are less likely to give up their careers for the family because they're less invested in having children.
Is your real gripethe lack of cheap childcare?