To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

Yes I have had 2 cleaners who had both left jobs as nursery workers because the pay is just too low; the admin is ridiculous and the responsibility (if something goes wrong) is too much. These women have a massive amount of responsibility - far more than the vast majority of jobs / careers - and it's diabolical that they are paid peanuts for it. They need to be paid much more and it should be viewed as a skilled, specialist job.

We pay £2k a month for nursery and and it disgusts me that those who work in nurseries get paid so little in comparison.

They absolutely should be paid more.

Have you not heard the word? That's what women used to be - effectively the possessions of men. Couldn't own their own property, couldn't even have a bank account or a mortgage (and that was quite recent).

We've come a long way since then (though there's still plenty to do). Relying on a man for your wealth is a bad idea. All women should have some level of self-sufficiency and not have to ask their husbands if they want to buy a pair of knickers or a new top.

Their pay is abysmal I agree @SouthLondonMum22 but there’s also not always a big profit in it either - our nursery charges £60 a day (we’re in the NE) DS2 is there for 10 hours, that’s £6 an hour per child. Nmw is now £10.42 an hour 23 and over - most of the employees are contracted to 40 hours so salary of £21,600 plus ers NI and pensions now too, plus all of the overheads of the business. I had a look at their accounts on companies house and they barely break even the last 3 years.

Yes in other countries they are considered to be early years teachers and paid as such. I think the ratios are larger though.

You pay 2k a month and I get £11.50 an hour (L3, very experienced, SEND responsibilities). I am studying an MA which will make me L7 and too expensive for most nurseries but it's worth it to me personally. I will end up being paid as a L3 probably or be out of a job

However, a nursery is an expensive business to run, hence fees. The 'free hours' con doesn't help but I fundamentally disagree with the for profit model for something as important as early years provision. It will never deliver best quality or be inclusive because it's profit driven.

"All women should have some level of self-sufficiency and not have to ask their husbands if they want to buy a pair of knickers or a new top."

Is this really what you think happens lieselotte?

I'm sorry, but a career isn't something that pays £10.42 an hour.
Generally speaking, womens careers do take a bit of a hit, but if they're in an established career their earnings will not be totally outstripped by the cost of childcare, which it seems like yours would be every hour you pay for childcare.

Maybe you need to work evenings or train to do something that is better paid or a more flexible job.

Are you joking? Of course this happens.

Not working and depending on another human is precarious for all women/men. It's a risky choice financially, regardless of sex.

Those crying babies you mentioned - do you know what they are like at home? If you think it was down to the environment in nursery - did you report it?

Do you think children in nursery would have been better off with no roof over their heads, limited food, and stressed arguing parents as long as they aren't in childcare?

Does the state pay for you to stay at home? Or a man? Either way you aren't teaching your children independence or work ethic.

Does it have to be the mother staying at home?
Or is there a rule you subscribe to about dads not allowed being nurturing or full time caregivers to their own children? Nor must a man's career suffer?

Full time shool in the UK starts at 4, do you not think it would create immense trauma if the child hadn't been separated from the mother before?

Do you know it's not a new development, and throughput history poor women worked and had children in childcare and rich women didn't work and still had childen in childcare and didnt see them for more than a few minutes a day?

More importantly a mother unhappy, dependant in a man or the state, isn't what's best for child development

Mum's don't have to sacrifice a career. Both my husband and I reduced our working week by only 1 day each to cover childcare alongside a couple of days at nursery. Certainly kept my career, I'm sure you can make it work if you and your husband are on the same page

Absolutely sahm more often than not means lone parenting with an absent father.

She does the most relentless work, he reaps the benefits.

Trap to control women.

After a few years at home most can't return to their careers.

Why is it, on here, that women who work and have nurseries caring for their kids are 'doing it all' and will say they feel they still spend loads of time with their kids (even if it's an hour in the morning and 2 hours in the evening or some such) - but if a man works the same hours while, shock horror, his wife has the kids (rather than a nursery) he is deemed to be an 'absent father?' This makes no sense.

I think the frustration is that some of those who are SAHM’s judge working mothers when it is likely that their husbands spend the same amount of time with their children as you just said.

Those husbands are called providers
Working mothers are called selfish

Those husbands are called providers
Working mothers are called selfish

This exactly. It's the double standards.

When men do it they are "providing for their families". When women do it they are "materialistic" (don't forget the money is always for shoes and cars) "cruel", or "outsourcing their family life".

There is also a huge judgement towards SAHM’s who “rely” on their dh’s financially and that they have no career ambitions etc etc.

people should just get on with their own lives rather than judging how others live their lives.

Because the mums still have all the house chores to do alongside full time work. You can work part time though. Why do SAHM think you need to be at home 7 days a week?

On a previous thread, I was called sick for sending my baby to nursery.
On this thread, where do I begin? Someone implying that a dog would be treated better than my baby and someone simply saying ''poor baby'' in regards to my child.

I'm sorry but the judgement isn't comparable at all. Not even a little.

@2chocolateoranges

There is also a huge judgement towards SAHM’s who “rely” on their dh’s financially and that they have no career ambitions etc etc.

But never judgement towards women who “farm out” their children to childcare providers?

This thread is full of it…

I’ll be the first to admit that it can work both ways and some people can be judgmental of SAHMs but this thread has been full of really toxic judgement of working mums. And not so subtle implications that the children are being neglected and damaged in nursery.

He has been fine with the arrangement all this time. It's what was agreed before having a family. Also I have chronic health issues so wouldn't be able to return to a previous occupation. I don't have much time for paid employment as I have a lot going on with a busy family.

It actually makes plenty of sense. A household with two working parents allows parents to work a more reasonable and flexible schedule. I’ve never heard a sahm saying their DH finishes early to pick the kids up, or drops them off. More often than not the sahm says they are facilitating them having a high powered career and working longer hours due to DH not having to worry about childcare. Plus in order to support a whole family on one wage it needs to be a higher wage and more often than not that senior role requires much more than a 9-5.

This is AIBU. If a poster comes on here and says she has been a SAHM for 10, 15, 20 years (as various pp have), she knows exactly the reaction she will provoke because this is fairly uncommon and many people can't relate, or even get quite angry about women who do this. If someone comes on saying she found being a SAHM boring and her baby has been in full time childcare since 12 weeks, she also knows what reaction she will provoke because this is also uncommon and lots of people can't relate, or feel quite shocked to be honest. It's AIBU.

Op did you keep your GDC registration up?
You know most areas are drying out for dental nurses. Have you looked at hospital and public dental services? Plenty of bank shifts available, weekend work and evening shifts.

So because I answered your question about my baby's nursery hours, I deserved for you to compare him to a dog? I provoked that reaction?

Ok then.

I cover all the eventualities whilst my husband works in terms of childcare cover. That would be costly with multiple children. All families are different.

I have never had to worry about the logistics of nursery pick up/ drop offs until they were all entitled to free government funding aged three for each child, then school aged five/six.

I am time rich which I value more than money. It's each to their own. I appreciate others have both parents working out of necessity/desire too, which there's nothing wrong with.

Coping with one or two children in terms of childcare is very different to arranging that for multiple children in a big family.

I love being at home, it makes me really happy. My husband has never pressured me into working but said it's entirely my choice if I want to or not. Ultimately he wants whatever is best for the children, as do I.