To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

Because those fathers don't pick up their kids after nursery and take them home and then look after them pretty much exclusively the rest of the time, most of the time they are not available. Whether its due to pissing about pretending to work long hours, being tired, travelling for worl for weeks, snagging their mistresses or pursuing their hobbies at the weekend. Have you not lived? How do you even manage to get out of bed every morning?
Comments like this come from opnionated people that have zero life or people experience and/or are just incredibly naive stupid

As for the actual child development, the most academically high-flying kids at school are those that were full time in nursery since babies. So do leave child development alone.

@Elephantsdontlikechocolate hahaha 😆 well said 👏. The poster has stayed at home though so you know... bless her.

I do apologise @SouthLondonMum22 . I was remembering the questionnaire we had on the home visit when we got our dog and they were very clear they would not let us have the puppy if we both worked full time. But I admit, this is a silly comparison and I apologise for being insensitive.

Yep, I agree norestguest it seems outrageous that women are going against the grain and choosing SAHM lives on here🤣

In my own unique family situation, it is the ideal as I love being there for the drop off/pick up, spending my holidays with all of my children on adventures/picnics. It's great as you can act like a big kid😀 without the worries of work.

There are obviously disadvantages as has been pointed out about pension contributions. It's a fantastic point and fair enough. I could also get hit by a bus tomorrow or die before reaching pensionable age🤷🏻 who knows what the future holds.

My DC must be very traumatised then. They are all still primary age and were in nursery from 12 months old 5 days a week from 7.30am-6pm. DH and I needed to work, one works long shifts that are not on a rota (so can randomly be working anytime) and the others job did not facilitate working less days

It does now mean though that we are both in the higher earner bracket and getting to the point of being able to be flexible with our hours /days. If we had come out of the industries we are in we wouldn’t be in the position we are now

Theres no denying it was horrendous rushing to and from work and then trying to get tired hungry toddlers to bed but I feel like now we are coming out the other side. Hopefully better off money wise and time wise

I would never have given up my career,and my DH would never have expected me to

I also raised my children

This

I don’t think most women can afford to give up their career these days, and why should they anyway.
Even 30 years ago, when I was a widow with a baby and toddler, I kept my job.
The alternative would have been to drag the kids up in poverty on benefits.
Instead, I worked part time for a few years, then stepped up to full time when they started primary school. I have had an enjoyable 36 year career as a hospital doctor, and retired six years ago on a reasonable pension.

In my own unique family situation, it is the ideal as I love being there for the drop off/pick up, spending my holidays with all of my children on adventures/picnics. It's great as you can act like a big kid😀 without the worries of work. @Vettrianofan

Does your husband not want to win there for any drop offs or pick ups with his children then?

Op has a good point but women should learn to assert themselves early and not accept second best. These days career cones first.

He does one day a week, as he works condensed hours.

Working Mother: What about financial independence if your marriage fails? Make sure you’ve made pension provision and consider that it can be difficult to return to the workplace after a break. Remember, childcare costs come out of the whole family budget, they’re not something that needs to come solely from your salary.

SAHM: I love my children too much to leave them to go to work.

It’s no wonder a bunfight always ensues. I know which ‘insult’ I’d rather be on the receiving end of.

Regardless of what option you have chosen, women who work (choice or not) do not love their children any less. There are shit working parents and there are shit SAHP.

Having a career isn't everyone's vision of success. There are many ways to be successful, that's just one of them.

Amen! 🙏

@Youcancallmeirrelevant OP why did you give up your dental nurse role? Did your DH consider giving up his job?

If you take the GP job is your husband thinking about how he can bring in more money?

I'm assuming he earns more than a dental nurse. Why would he give up his job ?

Do not know if it has already been mentioned but unless your H earns £100k a year you can use the government childcare tax free site to get £2k off your childcare bill per child

This is often my example. I work in a company that makes massive efforts to help eliminate inequalities. I would not consider my colleagues to be sexist or to think there is anything wrong with women having careers and children. However I used to travel a lot for 2 weeks at a time and every single trip the 2/3 women with kids were asked who was looking after them. The 8/9 men with kids were never asked who was looking after them. If you had challenged the people asking (I did once or twice) they believed they were equally likely to ask the men the same question. Thing is they never did so clearly there are still some very strong internalised ideas about who looks after children. Similar thing when kids are poorly. I’ve taken a call to say kids are poorly and sorted out OH will collect them. That’s comment worthy where a male colleague arranging for his partner to collect isn’t.

As individuals we all need to make the choices that work best for us but it’s helpful to also acknowledge some of the barriers that exist to those choices and to think about what would help reduce/eliminate them. I’d like to see maternity leave options extended to the point there is funding for childcare to make it easier to return to work if you want. I’d also like people have better access to flexible working and for a better offering of parental leave to allow those who want a longer career break &/or part time hours to get those and to normalise men taking time away from work to look after their children. As we move towards most families requiring two incomes to meet their costs we surely also need to move towards most families having responsibilities for household and family more evenly divided and there are systemic things you can do to help with that.

sorry OP that was all a bit off topic. I think if you want to work more/avoiding the weekends then you absolutely should but that if you have some doubts about this specific job &/or the start time being at beginning of holidays maybe it’s worth sticking where you are for now and looking for something to start in September-December.

Quite sad to see so many British women contempt to do housework, laundry and cooking = unpaid servant to facilitate their dh career who gets to go out, travel, use his brain, career and financial stability.

Divorce isn’t uncommon. Neither is death or illness. What happens if he divorces/leaves/does? Are we tax payers expected to fund your lifestyle? First, your husband had to find your life style then the state all because you can’t stand on your own two feet.

Also, why do so many women have kids before successful career? I purposely chose not to have kids until I earnt a certain amount. I also went to university, got my undergraduate degree and masters degree in a stem and technology field.

I now work in STEM/technology, in my direct team at work (out of 6) I’m the only woman. There are women in other teams, but they’re not as technical/analytical roles. My job involves website, coding and data analysis.

My mother was an immigrant to this country who had no choice to be a SAHM, she found it depressing and had no life of her own. She became just a “mummy”.

I want more in life to than just being known as “Oscar’s Mummy”.

Why is it okay for kids to go primary/secondary school but not nursery or child minder? What happens when they grow up then leave you to live their own life, then what? Everything is soo expensive with cost of living crisis also.

The 9 months 30 free hours is exactly what we need, nursery/childminders should be funded exactly like schools. Since, it’s an “education” and unemployed mothers can access it for free. Then, there will be no excuses left for childcare costs etc.

In addition, there is so much hybrid/remote working - I’m in the office 1/2 days a week (varies each week - never more than 2). I do drop off and pick ups 3 days a week and then have weekend with them too with a great salary/career.

Thank you all for you comments and suggestions.

This post actually triggered me to look at dental nursing jobs, and as luck would have it a dentist I have known years was advertising for a nurse so I have him a call.

He's given me the job straight away.. 2 days a week, works well round childcare and is more money than the GP job.

Congratulations x

@stayingcool my GDC registration has expired but the dentist is happy to keep me on reception and in the sterilisation room until I do the 50 hours CPD for me to re register x

@anonymousxoxo thank you! x

You need to rethink your mindset and that of your DH so that the cost of childcare is seen as a cost against the whole household income - not just yours. WHY just yours!!!?

You also need to change your joint mindsets to think more long term. The receptionist job, and being able to demonstrate employment continuity in a difficult pressured admin and customer facing role will help you in years to come - the transferable skills could help you into another job. Your instinctive thinking only about today and only about YOU as the child care provider is normal and natural but it is not right and it is the main reason why there is a massive pension gap for women linked to having children - see the fawcett research on this. It’s difficult I know, but why not rethink about the childcare costs in these terms?

Again another judgemental post.

why can’t you just respect that for you and your family , 2 working parents is better than one and due to that you need childcare whereas for other families they feel it’s better to have one parent at home spending time with their own children rather than paying for childcare?

some people are so narrow minded.

you do you and let other do as they please.