Child out of wedlock / illegitimate - does it still matter

[Bananabreadandstrawberries]

Does it still matter in any way whether your child was born within a marriage or not? Is there any stigma to being an ‘unwed mother’ or ‘illegitimate child’ (apologies no offence intended). Do you view people differently before of this status? Are there any practical implications?

For those of you who feel it doesn’t matter, would you still prefer your own daughter were married before having children?

I ask as I feel despite most people not minding this about other people, the couples ‘doing better’ in life still tend to marry before having children. I am not sure

AIBU that legitimacy doesn’t matter anymore?
YES = Makes a difference (even though it’s not PC to say so)
NO = Makes no difference about being married before children.

No

Not the slightest difference in the world.

I wouldn’t have thought it makes any difference whatsoever ever, but it might in your community.

I don't think there is a stigma these days, the majority of children I know are born outside of marriage and nobody really cares these days. As far as practical implications go, I would encourage my own daughter to marry before having children due to the legal protections it gives, but ultimately its her choice to make and it wouldn't mean I felt any differently about my future grandchildren, should she choose to have them.

It hasn't mattered for around 35 years where I live!! In other centuries in remote parts of the UK it was never the norm.

Depends on culture. We're observant Jews and it's not common in our circles to have children out of wedlock. No judgment. It's just not.

I don't think it matters but I will be advising my daughter on certain things if she did have a child before marriage... e.g child keeps your last name, don't give up work, make sure wills have in order. I had both of mine before me and DH got married and ensured all those things.

I have no idea which of DS's friends parents are married or not. And don't care.

In general I don't care, it isn't an issue. I don't judge the kids friend's parents as to whether they are married or not. It doesn't tend to come up unless they mention it themselves.

As for me I am muslim so no I wouldn't have had kids before marriage. I would hope my kids would follow the teaching of our faith and wait but it's not something I can control.

No one in my circle would care.

Legally it did matter this was many years ago, don't know if it's changed.
Illegitimate children had no claim to property etc.

For me personally, I wanted to be married before having children (although we started trying a few months before our wedding day and ended up finding out I was pregnant a few days after it). The main reason for me was having the same family name, although I recognise a marriage isn't need to achieve this.

I don't feel any way about other families with unmarried parents. 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's definitely not an expectation in today's society, more of a personal preference.

I think the aspect of better legal protection or at least clearer idea of the law in cases of breakup, PR, etc them marriage can, depending on jurisdiction, make life simpler. Not exactly what you were asking but that to me is the core issue.

I give none of the tiniest monkeys relationship status but I do be concerned when I read of vulnerability of women post break ups.

It only makes a legal difference when it comes to the inheritance of royal and certain aristocratic titles (where the difference between legitimate and legitimated might also matter)

No difference in law for everyone else in UK.

There may be some cultures in which it's still stigmatised, but I'm hoping that's being chipped away at.

But agree with PPs that people really do need to know the other legal differences between cohabitation and marriage and ensure that whatever arrangement they choose is one they understand and are happy with.

Why are you asking? Do you judge kids born out of wedlock yourself?

Both my DS aged 40 and myself 60's are illegitimate.
Back in the 60s people would openly call me a bastard. Or say casually oh yes that's Getting By Debbie's bastard. All names changed. It was hurtful and confusing for me as a young child. I didn't know what it meant but I knew it was something bad.
In the 80s when DS was born it was much more acceptable but still not as acceptable as it is today. Now I'm pretty sure nobody cares.
My grandparents let my mother keep me which was unusual for the time and they didn't treat me any differently to their other grandchildren but other people were unkind.

"Illegitimate" is a ridiculous word to use and I don't use it

No stigma in my book

However there is a BIG difference in what happens if you split, especially financially. I wouldn’t want DC without being married for this reason.

I don't find much offensive on Mumsnet but I found your whole opening post offensive.

I have never used the title Mrs despite being married for a long time because I hate the whole elevating some people due to their marital status thing.

I really thought we were beyond judging babies and children.

"illegitimate" is to do with whether a child is recognised in relation to inheriting a title and any associated land/property. It doesn't make a difference to the vast majority with no title to inherit. It might make a difference to claiming nationality, for some countries.

Nearly half of children are born to unmarried parents. I really don't think it is regarded by many as being an issue or a stigma.

Depends, I'd you're talking about British people generally then it's completely normal.

However amongst minority groups (gypsies, Jews, Muslims etc) it's still really not accepted.

I’d prefer my dd was married before having dc, yes.

Not from a pearl-clutching perspective, but more so that she would have some guarantee of security should the relationship fail.

I don’t judge parents who aren’t married (does it even really register much these days?), but I think the pendulum has swung too far the other way. We’ve forgotten as a society that marriage is a legal contract, and can be an excellent way to protect the more vulnerable party’s interests.

No.

No, it doesn’t matter.

My sincere apologies for any offence, it wasn’t intended. Also something I can’t ask in real life because it is not politically correct!

Thank you so much for your responses! Amazing to hear and also what I thought - that no one cares about this regarding other people (I certainly don’t, and do not judge anyone’s family set up!!)

However I ask because I still wanted the ‘security’ of marriage for my own child, just not sure if that is totally behind the times or not.

I also noticed that my peers who are in more professional occupations / stable lives tend to be married rather than partnered, and whether there is an unspoken preference for this.

I realise this is a potentially impolite topic and apologise again for it.