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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New bf diagnosed with genital warts ... what to do?

114 replies

whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:03

We decided to have sti testing before becoming intimate. He went to get tested and has four genital warts at the base of his penis. He is completely shocked and very very upset. He has been in a relationship of 18 months until recently where he felt that she may have cheated but she has a history of affairs with many married men. I knew this before the testing etc.
previous to this he gave blood regularly so I expect that he would have been informed of any abnormality found , after the donations.
he never saw them as they were under the hair but felt one and thought it was a skin tag.
They've been burnt off and he awaits results of all other tests.
What do I do here ?
Døo I finish with him? Would you?
Surely sex is unsafe now even with condoms .

OP posts:
RubyMurry22 · 04/07/2023 21:07

Why would you finish with him? He’s had them removed.

Dacadactyl · 04/07/2023 21:08

Bleurgh. I'd finish with him personally.

Original poster
whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:09

Well, we can't be intimate can we ? Even with condoms ?
He is so confused, so upset as it seems Now that she was unfaithful to him in their relationship.
I believe that the time from infection to warts can be three weeks to six months but open to correction. He has a lot to process .

OP posts:
zeldamccoy · 04/07/2023 21:09

Fire

Original poster
whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:10

Fire?

OP posts:
ChesterAndRaoul · 04/07/2023 21:10

From the NHS website:

You can stop genital warts from being passed on by:

  • using a condom every time you have vaginal, anal or oral sex – but if the virus is in any in skin that's not protected by a condom, it can still be passed on
  • not having sex while you're having treatment for genital warts
  • not sharing sex toys; if you do share them, wash them or cover them with a new condom before anyone else uses them

I suppose only you can decide whether what you feel for him outweighs the risk of catching them, because there will alway be a risk.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 04/07/2023 21:10

Why would you dump him?! He didn’t cheat on you?

Original poster
whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:11

So even if they have been burnt off, they can still be transmitted ?

OP posts:
DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 04/07/2023 21:11

Dacadactyl · 04/07/2023 21:08

Bleurgh. I'd finish with him personally.

It sounds like it wasn't really his fault. Seems a bit harsh.

I wouldn't dump him OP, he was willing to get the test done, so I doubt he knew.

JMSA · 04/07/2023 21:12

I feel really bad for him!

pilates · 04/07/2023 21:12

You only have his word that she cheated. Maybe it was him? Either way, it would put me off.

Original poster
whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:12

Is it possible that she knew she had them?

OP posts:
Niceseasidetown · 04/07/2023 21:12

I'm really confused.

Won't they go away after treatment? If so why would you break up with him?

badluckorbadvibes · 04/07/2023 21:13

He is completely shocked

What did he think they were Confused

Original poster
whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:13

But will they go away ? If they're burnt off, are they gone ? Could more appear ? How long have they been there ? He thinks the 'skin tag' was there a few weeks. He's prone to them so thought that's what it was !

OP posts:
Original poster
whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:14

He thought it was a skin tag as he's prone to them and gets them tied off regularly, around his body .. fuck sake !

OP posts:
ChesterAndRaoul · 04/07/2023 21:15

Niceseasidetown · 04/07/2023 21:12

I'm really confused.

Won't they go away after treatment? If so why would you break up with him?

Genital warts are caused by a virus, they can come back and you can pass it on even if you are not showing symptoms. There is no cure.

iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort · 04/07/2023 21:17

First of all - well done going for screening
I wish more new couples would do this

Do you like him? Is he decent ? Has this put you off ?

If not then give him a chance it's early days
If it's put you off then end it now

StrawberryWater · 04/07/2023 21:17

whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:13

But will they go away ? If they're burnt off, are they gone ? Could more appear ? How long have they been there ? He thinks the 'skin tag' was there a few weeks. He's prone to them so thought that's what it was !

There’s no cure. Sure they can be treated (frozen off etc) but sadly they can come back and he could have more outbreaks, even after a decade.

Badbudgeter · 04/07/2023 21:18

Honestly it’d give me the ick. I just couldn’t have sex with him without it being in the back of my mind that today is the day I could get genital warts.

Original poster
whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:25

I do like him.
He is decent and sound.
But ... he now has to process the fact that his fears have been realised... she was cheating and possibly knew she had warts .
She regularly blacked out through alcohol and rarely remembered having sexual so he now wonders what happened on her work trips.
And then there's me ... new on the scene.
Timing is shit .
I think I'll give him some
Time to process this and wait to see him for a week or so .
I've told him I'll go with him for the rest of his results next week. He is scared and terribly upset but mostly completely shocked .

OP posts:
Original poster
whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:28

It hasn't put me off . I admire his courage to go in and have the full bloods and exam purely because I asked him to before we were intimate. I know many men who just would not do that and consider it a slur on their character , sadly.
It's been worth it for his and my sexual health but it definitely opens up a can
Of worms.
He is going everything to avoid contact as she keeps texting him and begging to go back.
He now has to tell her and dreads the kick back.

OP posts:
ReliantRobyn · 04/07/2023 21:32

Warty McGuiver sounds riddled. They are caused by HPV (a virus) so they may well recurr and pass onto you. Many people will clear the virus naturally after 18 months or so.

Puppers · 04/07/2023 21:32

All the stuff about whose fault it is and whether he did anything wrong or whether she cheated etc is entirely irrelevant. All that matters is that has genital warts and there is a risk you could catch them, even if you always use a condom. If this is a risk you are not prepared to take - which is very understandable - then you need to end the relationship.

You don't owe this man a relationship or sexual contact with you just because his ex cheated on him and it's not his fault that he has an STI. The fact is, he does have an STI and it's no less transmissible because she was the one who cheated. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.

stephaniezanoni · 04/07/2023 21:39

I caught them when I was 16, had them removed. This was 25 years ago, I don't recall being told at the time that I could pass them on, just to come back and have them removed if they come back and they never have. I am married now (9 years together) Haven't used condoms in 8 years and I haven't passed it on.