Page 3 | New bf diagnosed with genital warts ... what to do?

whatnextplease · 2023-07-04T20:03:42+00:00

We decided to have sti testing before becoming intimate. He went to get tested and has four genital warts at the base of his penis. He is completely shocked and very very upset. He has been in a relationship of 18 months until recently where he felt that she may have cheated but she has a history of affairs with many married men. I knew this before the testing etc. previous to this he gave blood regularly so I expect that he would have been informed of any abnormality found , after the donations. he never saw them as they were under the hair but felt one and thought it was a skin tag. They've been burnt off and he awaits results of all other tests. What do I do here ? Døo I finish with him? Would you? Surely sex is unsafe now even with condoms .

Spottedsox · 05/07/2023 11:41

How and where he got warts is not relevant.
Unless you enjoy the drama alongside he is telling you.
"The kickback if he tells her he has it"
He is an adult?

How you protect yourself is. It is a virus so go and correctly inform yourself instead of his ex drama's.
Can he not change his number.
I would be running away from the crap your feed than the warts!

HoldOnMiGenna · 05/07/2023 11:49

No wonder men stay winning. Women advising other women to stay with men that have lifelong communicable STDs, women chastising wise women for telling OP to let him go.
All in a world where the majority of even married men with decades of commitment rise up and leave when their supposed beloved gets cancer or any other terminal disease.
No wonder nowadays men, especially and even if they have jackshit, living with mummy, got kids they don't mind think that they are The Prize to be chased and hopefully live a life of softhandedness.
Dump his rass, OP. And ask yourself if this man or most others wouldn't ghost you even if you were found to have a curable std, much less warts, herpes or HIV.
We are at a time in humanity where due to femicide, medicinal progress, digitalisation, sanctions being the new warfare, males outnumber females. The world ain't short of non diseased men/ cock.
Political correctness shouldn't apply to anybody's genitals in a way that they fell they have to hum and hah as to embark on a relationship with somebody who they have to question themselves over and who they have little emotional investment in....and even then!

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 05/07/2023 11:49

@whatnextplease go with him for results and ask at the appointment about risks of passing on.

Don't listen to posters saying its fine if you have the HPV vaccine. There's 100's of HPVs and the vaccine only protects against a few of them (the highest risk ones but you don't know which your partner has). I know women who have had HPV positive smears with pre-cancerous changes that are vaccinated. They had one of the lower risk HPVs that weren't protected against in the earliest forms of the vaccine. Genital wart causing strains are now in the more recent versions of the vaccine but certainly not all of them.

I wouldn't automatically dump him, he's done nothing wrong. Go to the appointment and speak with the specialists about how you can continue the relationship without risk to your sexual health.

EvilElsa · 05/07/2023 11:52

I'd feel awful (and I do saying it) but I'd be totally put off and would end the relationship. I'd like to think I'd be open enough to carry out but it would totally freak me out and I'd never feel comfortable having sex even with protection.

LuvSmallDogs · 05/07/2023 11:53

I feel for the guy.

IDK much about genital warts, I think they're a lot like cold sores - more people have the virus than show signs of it. I'd be most worried about the links to cancer from some strains though, idk if they can narrow down what kind he has.

I would also be concerned about it not working out with him after I've contracted these warts, which I now have to explain (and bear the embarrassment and stigma) to new partners in the future.

I don't think that him being upset that a recently finished relationship involved cheating that gave him an STD or that his ex is texting him is a sign that he's a bad person or wants her back, but I do wonder if he's emotionally ready for a new relationship right now.

mosiacmaker · 05/07/2023 11:54

Why would you dump him? That’s awful! Genitalia warts are caused by a particular strain of HPV which I am pretty certain is in the HPV vaccine that everyone gets now? For what it’s worth, I was in a similar situation with a partner who was a great guy and we just waited the recommended 2 months or whatever for the breakout to go and never had any problems. I have had the HPV vaccine though. Some horrible stigma on here about STDs that anyone can get.

StillWantingADog · 05/07/2023 11:55

I got them when I was about 20, got them removed, never told they would come back, no further issues now at the ripe old age of 45!

poor guy don’t write him off entirely!

ToBeOrNotToBee · 05/07/2023 11:56

Well once they've been treated, they're gone.

Wait until he's been given the all clear.

mosiacmaker · 05/07/2023 11:58

Pudmyboy · 04/07/2023 21:49

Warts can occur anywhere on the body: would you never shake hands ever again if you had had a wary on your hand once?
They can be suppressed and eventually destroyed by your immune system so it is not easy to say how long he has had the virus for.
However they are harmless, they are benign skin tumours, the virus lives just in the top layer of the skin, and if he has shaved that area he could have helped them spread.
I cannot say this enough: they are harmless, they are the commonest viral condition seen in GUM clinics and are passed on by physical contact, and given the sort of contact that goes on in the genital region, they are considered sexually acquired if they are present in the genital region.
Most of the sexually active population will carry this virus, if you have had more than four sexual partners you have more than likely got this virus: it's that common!
It is not a lifelong condition, just ugly lumps on the skin.
Having them removed by burning (hyfrecation) is the silver standard (laser removal is gold but not done in GUM clinics), the process helps remove the part of the skin where the virus is living so making a recurrence a lot less likely.
@whatnextplease you can contact your local G clinic and ask to speak to their health advisor for more information or go on the Sexwise website which had a section on warts. Sexwise provide leaflets that GUM clinics use.

Just quoting this one as everyone should read it. The ignorance in this read is astounding. A family member of mine has cancer caused by HPV and her oncologist told her that they basically don’t even consider HPV as sexually transmitted anymore as you can pick it up so easily during everyday life as well.

bonfirebash · 05/07/2023 12:00

You can get them from sexual contact so not even full sex
Like several people have said, I got them at 17, had them all frozen off and never returned since so 20 years ago

LadyJ2023 · 05/07/2023 12:00

I was going to say who told you it was her that cheated other than him lol. Either way I wouldn't want to be with him

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 05/07/2023 12:02

LuvSmallDogs · 05/07/2023 11:53

I feel for the guy.

IDK much about genital warts, I think they're a lot like cold sores - more people have the virus than show signs of it. I'd be most worried about the links to cancer from some strains though, idk if they can narrow down what kind he has.

I would also be concerned about it not working out with him after I've contracted these warts, which I now have to explain (and bear the embarrassment and stigma) to new partners in the future.

I don't think that him being upset that a recently finished relationship involved cheating that gave him an STD or that his ex is texting him is a sign that he's a bad person or wants her back, but I do wonder if he's emotionally ready for a new relationship right now.

The strains that cause genital warts CANNOT cause cervical cancer. Huge misconception. As I said, 100s of versions of HPV. Some can cause cervical/oral cancers (first vaccine was against the 2 highest risk strains that caused over 95% of these). Some can cause genital warts. None can cause both. Some HPV cause neither.

OP should be approaching a specialist who knows what the risks are rather than asking mumsnet.

mosiacmaker · 05/07/2023 12:04

I do however think the whole cheating story is fairly dramatic. Who’s to even say he caught it off her and not just from holding hands with a nephew with hand warts! Where he got them is irrelevant and slut shaming her or talking about her when she isn’t there to defend herself (saying that she got black out drunk so was essentially raped but he seems to think she is still to blame) isn’t a sign of a great guy.

Chocolateship · 05/07/2023 12:06

I'd be hesitant more because it sounds like he's dealing with unresolved feelings about his ex. That said at least you were both responsible and got tested before being intimate.

LuvSmallDogs · 05/07/2023 12:10

mosiacmaker · 05/07/2023 12:04

I do however think the whole cheating story is fairly dramatic. Who’s to even say he caught it off her and not just from holding hands with a nephew with hand warts! Where he got them is irrelevant and slut shaming her or talking about her when she isn’t there to defend herself (saying that she got black out drunk so was essentially raped but he seems to think she is still to blame) isn’t a sign of a great guy.

I hope you're joking, suggesting an adult's penis warts came from a child's hand warts without the adult also showing signs of hand warts is far worse than saying he got them from sex!🤣

@SaveMeFromMyBoobs , well there you go, said I wasn't an expert! Bit of a shame really, it would be handy if the cancer ones had a nice visible clue in a way, I think!

My second and third concerns (relationship failing after contracting an STD that needs to be explained to future partners and the man's emotional readiness) still stand, however.

Clymene · 05/07/2023 12:15

Donated blood is not tested for HPV. It is not transmitted by blood

LondonPapa · 05/07/2023 12:18

whatnextplease · 04/07/2023 21:09

Well, we can't be intimate can we ? Even with condoms ?
He is so confused, so upset as it seems Now that she was unfaithful to him in their relationship.
I believe that the time from infection to warts can be three weeks to six months but open to correction. He has a lot to process .

I'm not a doctor but you're slightly off on infection timeline. It isn't just a one and done deal, once you have them they can come back. Incubation can be a lot longer or no physical symptoms at all. It is entirely plausible that he has had them before and not realised (as evidenced by his reaction). Sometimes you'll find that GW tend to pop back up when someone is about to become sick and their immune system is weakened.

While he may be facing all sorts of emotions, he needs to get over them. They are over and he is with you. But, long-term, it is likely he'll have outbreaks that are no fault of his own. So you have to decide if it is worth continuing on that basis if this is a big deal for you. Some people are lucky and don't get outbreaks, others are unlucky and get them all the time. And then there are the luckyish, who only get them when becoming sick and they clear up pretty quickly.

Rosebud21 · 05/07/2023 12:33

Read the genital warts information in the link below & ask questions when you visit the sexual health clinic with new bf

https://www.bashhguidelines.org/patient-information-leaflets/

BASHH Guidelines

https://www.bashhguidelines.org/patient-information-leaflets

bobblyjob · 05/07/2023 12:40

There are some REALLY horrible people on this thread who are both entirely ignorant and nasty. A whole heap of you are highly likely to have HPV either now or in the past and it is NO reflection of who you are as a person or your sexual history (and your sexual past is also not a reflection of whether you are good or bad)
These collection of strains of virus can lie dormant for years, be cleared in weeks, cause warts or cancer or be completely asymptomatic
Sometimes I have a lot of sympathy for men when I read things like this (and that takes a lot for someone like me!)
Get off your fucking high horses and educate yourselves

batteryon9percent · 05/07/2023 13:03

What do you think donating blood has to do with warts op? He didn't need to get an STD test to know he had warts, they were right there in front of him on his penis. They don't look like a skin tag that much either. It's pretty fucking obvious if 4 warts are hanging off your cock.

It would put me off that he supposedly has such a large bush he isn't inspecting/cleaning to the point he can't see a cluster of warts.

Add in all the messy shit with his ex and I'd run for the hills.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 05/07/2023 13:09

pilates · 04/07/2023 21:12

You only have his word that she cheated. Maybe it was him? Either way, it would put me off.

That's what occurred to me too.

Yeah...'she' cheated. He's hardly going to tell the OP the truth.

Curseofthenation · 05/07/2023 13:14

I would get rid. Not just because I'd be worried about getting HPV but also because his ex is still actively persuing him and he's telling you all about it. You're being sucked into all his bullshit and you'll end up carrying his baggage with him. Why isn't the ex blocked on everything? It's a mess. New relationships should not be this complicated.

SunSurfSand · 05/07/2023 13:15

It sounds like he's still quite enmeshed with his ex...

millymollymoomoo · 05/07/2023 13:44

@bobblyjob well said

Archeron · 05/07/2023 13:46

My aunt had warts as a girl of 19. She’s now 81 and recently had more warts burnt off. It NEVER goes away. You can spread it even with condoms. And if you become serious you’d need to have unprotected sex if you want a baby. It’s very bad for women especially to catch it because HPV virus is linked to cervical cancer. It would be a no from me.