New bf diagnosed with genital warts ... what to do?

[whatnextplease]

We decided to have sti testing before becoming intimate. He went to get tested and has four genital warts at the base of his penis. He is completely shocked and very very upset. He has been in a relationship of 18 months until recently where he felt that she may have cheated but she has a history of affairs with many married men. I knew this before the testing etc.
previous to this he gave blood regularly so I expect that he would have been informed of any abnormality found , after the donations.
he never saw them as they were under the hair but felt one and thought it was a skin tag.
They've been burnt off and he awaits results of all other tests.
What do I do here ?
Døo I finish with him? Would you?
Surely sex is unsafe now even with condoms .

It's horrifying reading many of the responses here.

I was in my early thirties when I first had sex. It was a short relationship. We always used condoms.

A few years later I miscarried a baby conceived through fertility treatment and my health hit a low ebb. Genital warts appeared. It was nearly five years after I must have been infected and I had had no inkling that anything was amiss. The horror of miscarrying at 12 weeks closely followed by an STD diagnosis when I could count the number of times I've had sex in my entire life on one hand was a lot to deal with.

It's lovely to know that the majority of people would be disgusted if I told them and that most wouldn't be willing to have a relationship with me.

Once again, the strains that give you genital warts and the strains linked to cervical cancer are completely different. You categorically CANNOT get cervical cancer from a gential wart causing HPV. It can't infect cervical skin. HPV is exceptionally specific in the type of skin each strain can infect.

You can pick HPV up in so many ways, people get HPV that have never had sexual contact with another person. The misinformed stigma is atrocious.

Having GW doesn't mean his ex was unfaithful, you can carry the virus for years before showing GW or never show them. 95% of people get rid of the virus in 2y. The OP may already have the virus and not be showing GW..... It makes things difficult but I think it would be a mistake to end an otherwise good relationship over this.

When I was 16 I was diagnosed with genital warts. I was told the only way I could have got them was via sexual transmission. Given I was a virgin I told them that was impossible. They told me I was lying. It was ten years later when I read that GW do not have to be sexually transmitted. I had them treated and that was that. Went on to have unprotected sex etc because once they are gone they are gone. I've been married 25 years now and my husband has never caught them. The lack of education around this is shocking.

But they can lie dormant for years as well.

My rapist kindly gave me them and herpes.... Both were treated but my then boyfriend broke out 2yrs later.

25yrs later I've only had one other herpes outbreak and as far as I'm aware never transferred anything. Def not to DH of 14yrs anyway.

If the OP had been in the relationship for a year or so and her DP had some genital warts appear from a dormant HPV virus then fair enough. OP should obviously stick it out in that situation. But why would anyone risk getting GW from someone they have literally just started seeing? She should at least speak to a medical professional before having sex re the risks.

On top of that, he has all these ongoing issues with his ex. I think a lot of people on this thread are projecting because they have had an STD or HPV and are seeing it as a personal rejection.

Was just thinking that - some of these comments are absolutely abhorrent.

I'm confused by some of those making ignorant & inflammatory remarks here - what do they think happens between adults in the 21st century?? Is the OP a virgin? If not, were her previous partners?? Is this chap only supposed to have slept with this one woman, who was also miraculously a virgin at the time?? This virus is incredibly common, condoms don't help, it can lay dormant & unsymptomatic and statistically you are likely to have it if you've had more than a very few partners. There may be reasons to be concerned about ongoing emotional engagement with the ex, but blaming transgressive sex - because obviously anyone with this must be a dirty slapper - seems a red herring.

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Everyone who has something only had to have sex with one person to get it. It doesn’t indicate anything about their character, their ability to be faithful, their carefulness or their number of sexual partners - and it shouldn’t make them a leper.

And slut-shaming is no more acceptable for men than it is for women.

There are some utterly idiotic posts on this thread, I went to the GUM clinic in my late teens and they found one genital wart, it was removed easily and that was over 40 years ago.

Never returned and my DH has never had any. There are some real nutters on here.

Exactly ☝️.
Anyone remember how during the AIDS epidemic they used to emphasise how when you have sex with one person, you're having sex with all their previous partners too?

You can take steps to practice safe sex, but genital warts aren't a punishment from god for immorality.

Like it or not HPV infection is so common that most of us have been exposed to it. If he’s clear on the other tests then he’s probably less risky than other guys out there who don’t get tested.

I agree!

I had GW when young, had them treated, they never returned. I still wouldn't sleep with someone who had them now, or was only recently treated for them.

Women are allowed to be picky about who they sleep with. It's quite normal and healthy to want to avoid catching any kind of infection, let alone a genital one, regardless of how common it is or how it's transmitted. Some of the guilt tripping on here and cries of 'stigma' are way OTT.

And that is not a useful comparison since OP clearly doesn't sleep with men who haven't recently been tested.

Hi OP

What I would do is

Speak to the doctors at the clinic. Write down all the questions you have about it in advance- how to prevent, what the chances are of catching it if you're careful, consequences of catching it for you etc.

Give yourself some time and dont make any hasty decisions. But get your factual medical information from a medical professional rather than mumsnet as views will range from 'I had one once and it never came back' to 'shun him he is diseased'

HPV is a virus. I cannot overstate that there is no way that a gential wart causing HPV can cause cervical or oral/throat cancers. It's a completely different strain. HPV is also insanely common - ever had a verruca? Also a HPV. Will you all also refuse to date someone that ever had a verruca lest you touch their feet and 'catch one' of those nasty HPV STIs? Kids get HPV for gods sake! To be clear, HPV that cause warts and verruca on hands and feet are seperate again to strains that can give you genital warts and the ones that can give you cancer. Yet again, different type of skin and HPV is very specific.

Chicken pox lives in your body for life, can reactivate as shingles and give someone that never had it chicken pox.

HIV - with drugs it can be undetectable with drugs and untransmissable as a result.

Cold sores - herpes virus. In this case you actually can get gential herpes from a cold sore. Likewise can get cold sores from someone with genital herpes. Does that mean you also think everyone that gets cold sores are dirty sleep arounds you'd bin lest you catch all their nasty STIs?

Some attitudes on here are awful. Poor guy is getting treatment. You aren't specialists. Several people here with first hand experience have had them treated without reoccurrance and transmission. OP shouldn't bin a guy over a virus he could have caught anywhere, any time and should instead speak to a specialist when he gets his results regarding protecting herself and the risks.

This

There are different HPV types - some are considered "low-risk" and others "high-risk". Low-risk HPV types cause genital warts and do not cause cancer.

What is HPV? | Cancer Council

High-risk types of HPV can cause cancer, eg cervical cancer, but not the strains that cause genital warts, apparently.

I wouldn't finish with him because of the warts, but like someone else has mentioned more the red flag of the ex. Sounds like he's got a lot going on right now, I would support him in his appointment but give him space to process it all.

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.💔💖I totally agree.

When I was at uni two friends said they'd had genital warts when we were having a discussion about it as one other was just diagnosed with them and was worried about it. I was sympathetic but said she should tell all future partners but she was like "I'm not telling anyone that I just won't sleep with them if I feel rundown with any symptoms" - when she thought it'd be more likely to be contagious.

Now I'm older I think it was a bit naive to think you could freely say this to new boyfriends. No judgment at all by the way but this thread shows how some people react! Do they expect that friend for example who by the way was intelligent, fun and gorgeous and constantly admired by men everywhere to be banished from the dating scene forever?! 🤯Was her whole worth diminished like wtf?! Thankfully it wasn't the end of the world and shock horror she always is in a relationship now.
It's so much more common than youd think- it's just not spoken about.

I feel sorry for this guy as it's making him seem like a freak which is ridiculous. I had warts on my hand for a few months as a young child from holding hands with a girl who had them when walking to school. I used ointment and they vanished and it's a vague memory I barely think about.

As they lay dormant for years without a wart appearing many writers on here could have it and not even know yet! This is why it can't be used as a gauge to know if someone cheated unless they claimed to be a virgin when you met as they can pop up from a sexual encounter from years previously!

Good point.

Honestly, despite what I've said, I think I'd always be a bit uptight during sex, ev n if fully vaccinated. Hard to enjoy your sex life if you are always worrying if tonight's the night you catch an STI. For that reason even though it's unfair, I probably wouldn't bother continuing things.

Really shows the benefit of an early STI check before you get too attached to the other person.

The op can end this relationship for any reason she so chooses. She's not running a bloody charity. If him having genital warts puts her off, that's her prerogative.

Op, the biggest reason you should bin this guy off is because of the ongoing fuckery surrounding his ex. He has more baggage than a plane's cargo hold, and I see LOADS of red flags. You are being far too trusting of this man.

Really shows the benefit of an early STI check before you get too attached to the other person.

Exactly, and I'm not sure what the point would be if they test positive for one and you're made to feel guilty for not sleeping with them anyway.

I had GW over 15 years ago.
I had them removed and they have never came back.
I was in a relationship for a while after but Iv never told a new Sexual partner Iv had them. It’s non of their business.

Why are you taking his every word he says like gospel? He could be lying about the ex.

Don’t stay with him and have sex with him just because you want to prove you’re cool with his warts, it’s ok to be put off by him, I wouldn’t touch him with a bargepole.