New bf diagnosed with genital warts ... what to do?

[whatnextplease]

We decided to have sti testing before becoming intimate. He went to get tested and has four genital warts at the base of his penis. He is completely shocked and very very upset. He has been in a relationship of 18 months until recently where he felt that she may have cheated but she has a history of affairs with many married men. I knew this before the testing etc.
previous to this he gave blood regularly so I expect that he would have been informed of any abnormality found , after the donations.
he never saw them as they were under the hair but felt one and thought it was a skin tag.
They've been burnt off and he awaits results of all other tests.
What do I do here ?
Døo I finish with him? Would you?
Surely sex is unsafe now even with condoms .

Its not like you found out he has warts after he cheated on you. You asked him to get checked, he obliged, and hey ho it's come back with something.

I think I'd get fully informed of the risks to you. Once treated are you safe to have sex etc. If you like him then I'd stick it out. Plenty of people have had an STI, it doesn't make them lesser of a person.

I really dont think of him as a lesser person but place high value on my own sexual health

If you like him, Could you talk to sexual health clinic? Would they offer you an HPV jab? You might need to pay for it, and discuss how much protection it might give you..?

it’s tricky, but you don’t owe him anything and if you don’t think you could move past it, then don’t

Have you had the HPV vaccine? The private version (Gardasil 9) protects against genital warts.

They are very common, certainly before the vaccine. But I've known people who have had them treated and been married for decades to the same partner without passing them on.

Warts can occur anywhere on the body: would you never shake hands ever again if you had had a wary on your hand once?
They can be suppressed and eventually destroyed by your immune system so it is not easy to say how long he has had the virus for.
However they are harmless, they are benign skin tumours, the virus lives just in the top layer of the skin, and if he has shaved that area he could have helped them spread.
I cannot say this enough: they are harmless, they are the commonest viral condition seen in GUM clinics and are passed on by physical contact, and given the sort of contact that goes on in the genital region, they are considered sexually acquired if they are present in the genital region.
Most of the sexually active population will carry this virus, if you have had more than four sexual partners you have more than likely got this virus: it's that common!
It is not a lifelong condition, just ugly lumps on the skin.
Having them removed by burning (hyfrecation) is the silver standard (laser removal is gold but not done in GUM clinics), the process helps remove the part of the skin where the virus is living so making a recurrence a lot less likely.
@whatnextplease you can contact your local G clinic and ask to speak to their health advisor for more information or go on the Sexwise website which had a section on warts. Sexwise provide leaflets that GUM clinics use.

*GUM clinic

As other posters advise, go and chat to someone in the local gum clinic about the risks and look into your vaccinated status for hpv

Warts are cleared by the body if left alone: one treatment option is to do nothing, but can take a lot longer to clear naturally.
They are not a lifelong condition!

Perhaps look at getting hpv vaccine. It can protect against most strains that cause genital warts

I wouldn't say they're harmless @Pudmyboy. There's a pretty hefty link between HPV and cancer.

So many nasty and ignorant comments in this thread. I caught them at the age of 17, despite using condoms, I had them burnt off and they’ve never come back.

There are over 100 strains of HPV, most are harmless, the ones that appear externally are harmless:
'There are about 14 high-risk HPV types including HPV 16, 18, 31, 33, 35, 39, 45, 51, 52, 56, 58, 59, 66, and 68. Two of these, HPV16 and HPV18, are responsible for most HPV-related cancers.' (NCI article).

You are right that cervical cancer is now recognised to be largely caused by certain strains of HPV, and this is now tested for on smear test, the action taken is that the smear is repeated months later and often the virus has been cleared by the body

'Most types of HPV cause "common" warts. These warts can grow anywhere on the body and are often found on the hands and feet. They are contagious and spread by touch, but they do not cause cancer.

About 40 types of HPV are called "genital HPV." Genital HPV spreads by skin contact, usually during vaginal, anal, and oral sex. HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection. Genital HPV can infect any part of the genital area, including the vulva, inside the vagina, or the penis. It can also infect the anus and some areas of the head and neck.'

What types of cancer are caused by HPV?

Research links these types of cancer with HPV
Cervical cancer. HPV causes nearly all cervical cancers. About 70% of HPV-related cervical cancer is caused by HPV-16 or HPV-18. However, most genital HPV infections will not cause cancer Smoking can also raise the risk of cervical cancer in women with HPV.

Oral cancer. HPV can cause cancer of the mouth and tongue. It can also cause cancer of the oropharynx. This is the middle part of the throat, from the tonsils to the tip of the voice box. These HPV-related cancers are rising.

(All above from Cancer.net)

I thought 99.9% of the population has hpv. I was told years ago by a sexual health worker that if you've kissed someone you more than likely have hpv. I thought everyone carries it but it comes and goes?

I agree, the main message should be get the vaccine before becoming sexually active, and go for your smear test when called!

Putting the STI to the side…it sounds like his ex is still heavily involved and that alone would be enough of a 🚩 for me…

Same, 25 years ago and they never come back. No one told me at 16 that it was a life long issue.

Well worded. The blame really can't be attached to his previous partner.
The op was so sensible in requesting tests prior to sexual activity.

I had hpv, I don't actually know who I got it (them fucking warts!) from, and perhaps that makes me sound very promiscuous, I wasn't, I just don't recall seeing or noticing anything obvious on my three - at the time- partners. I was told to not have contact while they were treated, and tbh it was the last thing I was interested in anyway. I did have issues with cervical changes post that, which were all sorted thankfully. And then say a year on from all that no issues at all. I remember at the time I discovered them feeling utterly horrified but I told my mum (I was 30 at the time!) and she just reminded me to follow the instructions from the clinic and trust no one in future. It's bad luck, not bad character, so I say stick with him.

This.

Take everything with a huge pinch of salt.

I had then at 19 from my second ever partner but it also resulted in pre cancerous cells on my cervix that took a lot more trouble to treat, and lots of regular follow ups for years.

I met a guy who's ex had cheated on him and I insisted on std tests before we got intimate, he had loads of little ones on the under side of his penis that he hadn't been aware of, and chlamydia, they took months of treatment to deal with and we never did have sex

I had them over 25 years ago at 17, removed and never come back. Never passed on to DH over the last decade either.
When I was 27 I had to have pre cancerous cells removed. Not sure if it was related as I was told at the time I didn't have the hpv virus.

For me, it depends on the strength of the feeling.

If you have any doubts with him, get out... but if he seems like a legitimately nice guy and you could see a future, I'd have careful sex while he is not showing symptoms, and then see what happens. It might be that you end up marrying him and don't care about catching it, because in the grand scheme of a happy life together, no biggie.

If you take a step back you will see the 'can of worms' etc is bigger then the warts. Those I would possibly be ok to work around, but the way you describe his feelings etc surrounding his ex would put me right off.

Oh grow up.

New? Bin him. And move on. You don't know where or how he got them, just because he says his ex slept around doesn't mean she did. Could been him.