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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her she’s going to lose her job?

178 replies

SunsetBeauregarde · 04/07/2023 18:55

My work colleague called me last week, she’s having a very hard time on a particular project and she was in tears. She was threatening to hand her notice in due to a number of issues but mostly, she’s just completely sick of this particular project that will be ongoing for another couple of years.

My advice to her was to protect her mental health, take a couple of weeks off and then come back with a fresh set of eyes. If she still wants to leave, then at least she’s making such a big decision without emotion and anger. I thought this was good advice Sad

Except today I’ve been told in strict confidence that the project has been terminated and everyone with over 80% of their time on it is going to lose their job in a couple of months time. This includes my colleague. She has 15 years so could get a decent redundancy if she doesn’t hand in her notice. If she does, she’ll miss it.

The person who gave me this information is my boss and he’s confided in me and me alone. He’s the CEO, if he ever found out I’d warned my colleague I would 100% be sacked for misconduct. My role is in finance so I’ve been told only due to half year end stuff I won’t bore you with.

WTF do I do?? I love my colleague, she’s lovely and I trust her but it’s such a massive risk to tell her. WWYD?

OP posts:
Lamelie · 04/07/2023 22:18

Well as others have hinted as is very useful.
@SunsetBeauregarde don’t say a word. It’s a trap.

Lamelie · 04/07/2023 22:19

And join a bloody union.

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 22:20

Lamelie · 04/07/2023 22:19

And join a bloody union.

I'm a big supporter of union membership, but how would it help in this situation?

Lamelie · 04/07/2023 22:50

So…
this thread should be pulled due to concerns about privacy, so in for a penny… Advanced search suggests OP might be being set up by her employers.

Aubree17 · 04/07/2023 23:14

Under no circumstances do you tell her.

You act like you don't know.

Your job is important and you've been given this information by privilege of your position.

user1471447924 · 04/07/2023 23:18

Having read the other thread I think they’re setting you up, hoping you’ll talk and give them an excuse to get rid of you! Absolutely keep quiet!

Dibbydoos · 04/07/2023 23:41

Trainsplanesandfeet · 04/07/2023 19:00

Tell your boss that she is thinking of leaving and let him advise her not to

Are you mad?

Def do not do this OP!

Tell her to stay and see what else comes up, she may find work on another project.

Spinewars23 · 05/07/2023 00:01

Some people aren’t for moving.

I have a friend doesn’t hesitate in complaining about her work environment and we get the same depressed tears but I learnt 6 months ago she has no desire to change and likely she rethinks the boss will want her despite making feelings very painfully clear party of Xmas 22. She enjoys the drama which leads to meetings and disaplinaries. She said a big salary will entice her away but then makes admissions she’ll be tired up to under 9pm (under 40)

You can lead a horse to water but whether they will drink is another subject.

No helping some.

mellybelly1 · 05/07/2023 18:02

Tell her

lanthanum · 05/07/2023 18:09

The statutory notice period for her will be 12 weeks. If they've made the decision and are talking about people going in a couple of months, they're presumably going to start giving notice pretty soon. Advise her that she shouldn't give notice on her current job until she's found a new one - always sound advice, and the chances are that the notice will be out before she's found anything.

incywincyspidery · 05/07/2023 18:09

If she decided to leave, wouldn't she be long gone and in another position by December? Probably even before the announcement in October. Her decision to leave would be based on her disliking her current role and would be the right decision for her. If she still had contact with former employees and heard about the redundancies she may be annoyed she jumped too soon but that's life. Don't feel bad and don't feel torn. Your role is clear.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 05/07/2023 18:31

SunsetBeauregarde · 04/07/2023 19:42

Thanks all for the advice as always. I’ll keep my mouth shut (think I was planning to do this anyway but needed to know I’m not an awful person I think!)

@SunsetBeauregarde as someone who also works in finance I'd ask for this thread to be deleted because you know as well as I do that everyone knows someone who knows someone at somewhere and it will be traced back.

fiorentina · 05/07/2023 18:35

I’d be suggesting she looks around for new roles and doesn’t leave until she finds something ideal for her, that she’s sure about. At the end of the day that’s ultimately what she will want long term as unless the redundancy is a life changing about which sounds unlikely, she will still need to work?

Michellelovesizzy · 05/07/2023 18:40

Don’t tell her if it could In any way jeopardise your job or the trust that you have built with your boss. I won’t be worth it

FluffyFlannery · 05/07/2023 18:55

I’d delete this thread as it is very outing - esp if you’re based in the UK.

Cordeliathecat · 05/07/2023 18:57

I would stick to the original plan. Then if she comes back and says she still wants to leave I would encourage her to take her time. Brush up her CV. Start making contacts with recruiters etc. Just generally slow everything down a little. And definitely do not hand in notice until she has secured another offer. All that will take her through to October easily.

DeeDoyle · 05/07/2023 18:58

SunsetBeauregarde · 04/07/2023 19:42

Thanks all for the advice as always. I’ll keep my mouth shut (think I was planning to do this anyway but needed to know I’m not an awful person I think!)

Please please find a way to keep her in the job until she hears of redundancy. Thats such a huge amount for her to miss out in. Id be afraid of further damage to her mental health if she quit,couldnt find another job and got in financial trouble. I couldnt have that on my conscience x

2bazookas · 05/07/2023 19:06

Trainsplanesandfeet · 04/07/2023 19:00

Tell your boss that she is thinking of leaving and let him advise her not to

Don't be daft. If Boss knew she's thinking of leaving, he'll encourage it asap; so that the company doesn't have to make a redundancy payment for 15 years service.

Silvered · 05/07/2023 19:09

You absolutely cannot tell her - you have been told for professional reasons on a need to know basis. If you tell her then you are putting your own job on the line because breaking that confidence is professional misconduct.

What you can do, is encourage her to stay put for the moment. Tell her that economic uncertainty means that now is not a good time to walk away from a job where she has more than two years of service (and therefore is protected). Lots of firms are making decisions about headcount - I've worked for a firm where a guy had just been recruited and two weeks into the job, got made redundant. Tell her to bide her time and look in the new year when things are likely to have settled down a bit.

Silvered · 05/07/2023 19:10

And I would also get this thread pulled. If a news outlet picks it up then you are likely to be in deep shit at work.

Mary28 · 05/07/2023 19:13

I would not tell her but I would encourage her to stay put while she looks for something else or stay put as things might improve, or stay put for any other reason you can think of without telling her why she needs to stay put.

elizaagain · 05/07/2023 19:30

It depends whether she can be absolutely 101% be trusted to "keep her mouth shut". Unfortunately it's the case that a lot of people aren't as trustworthy as that. There's also an element of whether she's been made redundant or "redundant" (ie an unfair dismissal really) before - as, from my own experience, it came as a shock to have it happen to me the first time (ie the wrong person selected for a genuine redundancy - ie me). But the 2nd and 3rd (last!) time (and when it came to other job problem stuff apart from that) I "knew" - as in my intuition had turned on and I knew weeks before I was told (couldnt have proved it for the life of me - but my intuition had told me clearly to be prepared and I was). So - you could try asking her if she's had any job problems before - eg unfair dismissal, unfair selection for redundancy, fair selection for redundancy etc and maybe get the idea as to how much her intuition will/or won't tell her. If it hasnt happened before - then she's probably got no idea - because those of us who were in passable-good level jobs don't believe that will happen to us - until it does (and we're on the watch from there onwards as to whether it will happen again). THE single most useful thing that has ever been said to me (by someone who was both a work colleague and we knew each other "personally" was "You're a nice person and - because you're a nice person - you don't think they'd do anything bad to you (ie our mutual employer). Well I'm telling you you're wrong". That one sentence alerted me to thinking "He's right - and, if I were them and I was a right barsteward = what would I do to me next?". Once I mentally put myself in their shoes and pretended to myself that I was a right barsteward and prepared to treat people badly = I figured out every single time what they were going to try on next.

Lonecatwithkitten · 05/07/2023 19:38

I don't know if the thread really is outing I would be prepared to lay money that there a lots of companies considering redundancy at this moment. I work for one that announced consultation a few weeks ago.
Yes I was in a position where I knew before it was announced and I have been there before. You have been told in confidence to even hint could be gross misconduct. Some people have to know ahead of time to be ready for when the process starts it's shit, but it's business not personal.

Pablova · 05/07/2023 19:55

SunsetBeauregarde · 04/07/2023 19:42

Thanks all for the advice as always. I’ll keep my mouth shut (think I was planning to do this anyway but needed to know I’m not an awful person I think!)

You’re not an awful person.
I’ve been in this situation twice recently and the fall out when colleagues, some of whom were close friends, questioned why I didn’t tell them was awful.
You have noting to feel guilty or shame about, it’s not worth risking your own job and integrity over.

TedEsMum · 05/07/2023 20:05

DON'T jeopardize your own position by revealing something you have been warned against!! Try to convince her that taking a brief break from the drudgery is her best bet, rather than quitting outright. If she quits with no other job to go to, she won't be able to collect benefits, either. Keep your head down around the management and quietly do your share in the meantime.

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