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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her she’s going to lose her job?

178 replies

SunsetBeauregarde · 04/07/2023 18:55

My work colleague called me last week, she’s having a very hard time on a particular project and she was in tears. She was threatening to hand her notice in due to a number of issues but mostly, she’s just completely sick of this particular project that will be ongoing for another couple of years.

My advice to her was to protect her mental health, take a couple of weeks off and then come back with a fresh set of eyes. If she still wants to leave, then at least she’s making such a big decision without emotion and anger. I thought this was good advice Sad

Except today I’ve been told in strict confidence that the project has been terminated and everyone with over 80% of their time on it is going to lose their job in a couple of months time. This includes my colleague. She has 15 years so could get a decent redundancy if she doesn’t hand in her notice. If she does, she’ll miss it.

The person who gave me this information is my boss and he’s confided in me and me alone. He’s the CEO, if he ever found out I’d warned my colleague I would 100% be sacked for misconduct. My role is in finance so I’ve been told only due to half year end stuff I won’t bore you with.

WTF do I do?? I love my colleague, she’s lovely and I trust her but it’s such a massive risk to tell her. WWYD?

OP posts:
BeeCucumber · 04/07/2023 19:31

Working in finance demands integrity and confidentiality. Say and do nothing.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 04/07/2023 19:32

I have been in a similar position, knowing that consultation for redundancy due to start and colleagues getting mortgages and all sorts.
You can't do anything.

SonnySideDown · 04/07/2023 19:32

You might also want to be careful posting that info on here if anyone can possibly work out who you are.

Rockingthestocking · 04/07/2023 19:32

I'm glad you agree. That is the easy bit. You have therefore made your decision which is great. Recognise that, and that is the work problem solved.
You now need to reconcile (finance term there!) your decision with your emotional feelings. That can be harder, but remember you are not responsible for other people, you are not responsible for their decisions nor the impact of those decisions.
Tomorrow is another day, there is truth in sleeping on a problem. I would not be surprised if a new day brings clarity and resolve and this won't seem so tormenting.
Well done for making the right decision. You should be proud of yourself. Grin

InSpainTheRain · 04/07/2023 19:35

I wouldn't say a word. You feel you should tell her to help her, but what if she thinks another friend is close to leaving too, and she wants to help them so tells them - and so on. If the CEO only told you then he will know where it will come from.

BodegaSushi · 04/07/2023 19:36

Northernsouloldies · 04/07/2023 19:00

Don't say a word, Redundancy is a life changing thing your colleague may go off like a firework and tell all and sundry of the upcoming redundancies. That's definitely not worth the risk for your own employment.

Yes, agree with this

Woolertonian · 04/07/2023 19:36

Probably she's on Mumsnet so you've already told her. Best hope your boss isn't.

Strawberrypicnic · 04/07/2023 19:41

Hopefully she'll see this thread and problem solved.

BeeHappy12 · 04/07/2023 19:41

I wouldn't explicitly tell her about the redundancy as that would be breaching professional conduct and putting your job at risk as you said but i would just strongly advise her to stay which is easily done 'i really think you should stay for a few more months, take some sick leave if you need it and start looking for new jobs soon but, trust me, stay with this job a little longer'.

Situations like this always make me think of politicians because I'm sure they'd just tell their mate and not think twice or give their wife's family a billion dollar contract for government services or friends millions of dollars for PPE contacts during covid that never came through. If only politicians were as ethical as the majority of MNers

Charley50 · 04/07/2023 19:42

I'd ask for the thread to be deleted if I were you.

Original poster
SunsetBeauregarde · 04/07/2023 19:42

Thanks all for the advice as always. I’ll keep my mouth shut (think I was planning to do this anyway but needed to know I’m not an awful person I think!)

OP posts:
Wexone · 04/07/2023 19:43

@Dotandtime you spend more time with the people you work with than yoi do with your own family. of course it will happen some if them people become friends
op I agree with everyone here keep it quiet but try and get your friend to stay so entitled to full redundancy. similar happened in a old company I worked in one department totally stressed out after a takeover one poor girl was so stressed she went in the manager one day in tears saying couldn't cope etc and that she was done. he told her to take time of sick. she came back after a month off. a month later the whole department were made redundant. she didn't know it was coming but glad the manager told her that

BodegaSushi · 04/07/2023 19:44

Could you encourage her to speak to your boss about how much she's struggling with the project, without mentioning her desire to quit?

Might force their hand a bit, they may not tell friend the plan, but might say not to stress to much about the project.

Dorisbonson · 04/07/2023 19:45

She can have a protected conversation about leaving and get a payoff for going now.

Dymaxion · 04/07/2023 19:45

I would encourage her to stay, without mentioning the termination of project. I can't imagine how I would feel knowing a friend missed out on a redundancy payment after working for a company for 15 years, and lets be honest it won't be a lot ( if the company choose to pay the legal minimum ) but might give her some breathing space in the particularly difficult financial times we are all facing.

Speedweed · 04/07/2023 19:45

This is a test op - does the ceo want to see if you'll blab? Might you be being lined up for better things?

He'll have calculated the redundancy payouts, so whether anyone stays or goes it won't matter now. Plus in a way if it gets out, it will just mean that people can start quietly looking for a job early, and avoids all the hysterics and crying when they get told officially.

Of course, the other side is that he knows you're the office gossip and wouldn't trust you as a senior manager but is happy to employ your talents to get the word out, as it will make his job easier in the end. Only you know which is more likely!

Coralsunset · 04/07/2023 19:47

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 04/07/2023 19:08

Do everything you can to convince her to stay without actually telling her? I don’t know what else you can really do.

Agree with this strategy

DibbleDooDah · 04/07/2023 19:48

Tell her to concentrate on her mental health and that she shouldn’t make any rash decisions until her head is in the right place. That way you buy her some time, are saying nothing more than you already have, and won’t get into trouble!!!

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 19:49

Speedweed · 04/07/2023 19:45

This is a test op - does the ceo want to see if you'll blab? Might you be being lined up for better things?

He'll have calculated the redundancy payouts, so whether anyone stays or goes it won't matter now. Plus in a way if it gets out, it will just mean that people can start quietly looking for a job early, and avoids all the hysterics and crying when they get told officially.

Of course, the other side is that he knows you're the office gossip and wouldn't trust you as a senior manager but is happy to employ your talents to get the word out, as it will make his job easier in the end. Only you know which is more likely!

This is a fair point and a strategy I've used myself. Not over something so serious, but if there's something I want to find out how the staff will respond, I know the people to tell "in confidence...."

TennisWithDeborah · 04/07/2023 19:50

Aside from your own professional integrity, this revelation could put extra pressure on her if she is close to breaking point. She may not be able to stick it out until October but if redundancy is in the offing she may feel obligated to try, potentially damaging her mental health further.

daisychain01 · 04/07/2023 19:51

I can't believe you've been told highly sensitive information by your CEO and you think it's OK to post that your colleague will lose their job on the Internet. How unprofessional. Can't you keep confidential information to yourself?

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 19:51

You can't tell her. Best you'll can do is try to encourage her to stay and tell her why afterwards. Although if she knew, she might well start jobhunting now.

Companies are so shitty about this. Never knew anyone who did it ethically. Redundancies are always a failure of the higher levels anyway, yet they never lay themselves off.

readbooksdrinktea · 04/07/2023 19:52

I'd ask to have this thread removed, just in case.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 04/07/2023 19:53

Why have you posted here? It seems a revealing post. You can't say anything, of course!

If she brings it up again, I'd just advise caution like you might in the normal course of a conversation like that one. Don't add any kind of nod, nod, wink, wink inflection to what you say either - she will realise something is up and either guess what it is or press you for it.

Maybe say something like 'See how you feel in the new year?'

whojamaflip · 04/07/2023 19:55

I was on the other end of this many years ago. Was really unhappy in my job and ended up being signed off for a month. Did a lot of soul searching and handed in my notice only to discover my role was being deleted and I would have been entitled to redundancy if I'd only hung in a bit longer. I'd been there 10 years so it would have been a reasonably substantial package.

I really wish someone in the office had given me the heads up - gossip had been rife for a while but I'd heard none of it.

Still regret jumping nearly 20 years later Sad