Permanently banned for ‘promoting hate’

[RumAndReisling]

Following ten years uneventful membership of a major social media site I have been permanently banned for ‘promoting hate’.

Never again will I be able to participate on that site.

My crime? Saying that if you had given birth to a child, there was no way you could literally change sex and produce semen to father one.

Is this not a statement of fact, or is this now unacceptable to say?

AIBU to say that my husband isn’t able to give birth?

@Cymbal

But wouldn't it be better to stick to biological facts that aren't connected to fertility?

For example: a person with a certain combination of sex characteristics, commonly including two X chromosomes in the cell nuclei, a vagina, a uterus and ovaries, and enlarged breasts developed at puberty.

Surely this is more accurate than 'people who give birth'?

Wow, go you - collect your chocolate medal from reception right now.

The OP's husband cannot give birth. But if his sperm wasn't viable, and the OP used a donor, would anyone refuse to recognise him as the father?

No. Whatever gave you that idea?

If so, if the OP's husband genuinely changed his identity to female and parented the child, why would you refuse to recognise the OP's spouse as a mother?

Because mother is a term for the female parent - by sex. There is no such thing as 'genuinely changing your identity to female'. It's nonsense.

It's a topical discussion of interest to a broad spectrum of people. The OP posted it on AIBU because they wanted it on AIBU, and presumably those who clicked on the thread were interested to read its contents.

If I'm not interested in a particular thread - making the sole exception for the awful, awful COVID threads which pervaded the site recently and seemed inescapable - I scroll on past.

It's a bit more long-winded though, isn't it?

@Fightyouforthatpie

Well yes, but I wasn't aware that definitions needed to read as short, snappy advertising slogans.

Nor do they need to read like a university dissertation.

Short and succinct is generally considered best.

@BathroomOnTheRight

What definition do you prefer?

Why are you picking such ridiculous fights with people?

I don't think people have a right not to feel hurt or upset by truths they read.

I 'failed' at IVF. I've never been pregnant, never given birth.

I am sometimes upset when I read things related to pregnancy, birth, early months. But that hardly means I have the right to tell people not to talk about it.

@GrinAndVomit

I'm not picking a fight with anyone.

I'm a pensioner, so probably out of the "new" thought loops.

But, in my view:

Male people are born with a penis.

Female people are born with a vagina.

Anyone can identify as they like, but that is biology...🙄

@BathroomOnTheRight Sorry to disillusion you, I’m not stupid. I also have a trans (adult) child. Said child is not a threat to anyone. Nor are they trying to take over safe spaces, lavatories, sports or anything else. They would just like a quiet pleasant life.

I'm very sorry about your infertility, @TeenDivided , it must be very hard. I dont want to use you as a gotcha, but if sex really didn't matter, surely the doctors would be trying to get your husband/ male partner pregnant instead. The fact that they weren't, says something.

@PonyPatter44

Umm, I'm pretty sure that @TeenDivided is making the same point you are.

I don't get involved in threads on this issue often - are they always full of people shooting at their own shadow?

Well precisely.
I've mainly 'got over' it now (except baby showers, those are hard).

@wutheringkites , I know she is making the same point as me. It's called having a conversation. I wanted to sympathise with her as well, that's called empathy. You can call it shooting at your own shadow if you wish.

I do like your name though.

@PonyPatter44

I apologise, I misread the tone of your post.

Nobody would be much bothered about who's female and who's male if it didn't have important real life consequences, rather than being as trivial as who prefers cats to dogs, or coffee to tea.

Two big reasons why it matters to stick to words having agreed meanings in this area:

• Female humans have been discriminated against in most parts of the world all through recorded history. We've been told we can't have education, we can't vote, we can't do certain kinds of work, we can't be paid the same as men, we can't dress the way we want, we can't go out on our own, we can't drive, we can't play sport in public, the list is endless. This is sexism and if we can't define sex accurately we have no hope of fighting it.

• Male violence. Not all males are violent. Some females are violent. However, crime statistics from all over the world and as far back as they've been kept show that most violent crime is committed by males. Almost all sexual offences are committed by males. When males do commit violence, because they are bigger and stronger than females and children of both sexes, they can do serious damage physically. Males can use the threat of violence to get what they want. All of this does serious emotional and psychological damage. Women and other vulnerable groups need safeguarding from males for our safety, dignity and privacy. We don't know in advance which males are a thread, so we exclude all fo them from some spaces and services that need to be female only. Decent males accept this. If we can't adequately define which groups need safeguarding, and from whom, we can't keep anybody safe.

I would assume it's not what you said it's the way that you said it. If the wording around your facts were done as to provoke hate, or directed at an individual so was bullying, then yeah, I can totally understand why this would get a bad response. The fact you haven't given full context or stated exactly what you said, well to me that speaks volumes.

It's interesting how often in recent days these two issues ARE being conflated on this site.

"The regulars don't think it's racist? Well, we'll damn well MAKE IT racist!"

If you have a trans child, surely you would be more than aware right now of women struggling to keep male bodies (however that person identifies) out of womens spaces and sports, and why genitals matter. As the parent of a trans child, since this topic has blown up, you would definitely have heard of it. So I don't understand why you still can't see why what's "in a person's pants" matters. You of all people, would know why it's discussed so why ask the question.

following on from your point... let's also not forget the millions of women in deprived circumstances around the world who are unable to access adequate reproductive care and suffer awful complications/risk of death. if we have spare cash, let's spend it on ensuring safe pregnancies for these women.

@tt9, couldn't agree more.

Of course someone born a woman with female biology cannot give birth to a child and then go to produce sperm. However, someone born a woman can change their gender identity to male and even have a sex change operation to become more physically male. Refusing to recognise such a person as a father is hurtful

Whats a male gender identity? As for the surgery, its bloody offensive to men to think a rolled up piece of arm flesh is a penis. In fact the whole ideology shows just what false ideas of the human body people have. Bodies are amazing. What they can do is incredible. A vagina is more than a hole to stick a dick in. Amd a penis is far more than a tube of skin created in an OR

A man without a penis is still a man BTW. You can't become physically male when you are female down to every cell in your body.