To not work full time?

[Lazym]

I have two children 16 and 12. Since my oldest turned 7 months I have worked part time. I cleaned in the evening for 8 years and for last 7 1/2 years I've worked in a supermarket 4 mornings a week, 4 - 8. Obviously when kids were younger this worked out well as I was back home for the school run and partner went to work. My youngest started secondary in September, so now childcare costs aren't an issue I've had comments from partner about finding a full time job. My point is I enjoy my job and am good at it so why should I leave this job to potentially start a job I could hate? The job I have doesn't have full time hours. I contribute to the household financially, pay for two weeks of food shopping every month and pretty much pay for all of the kids needs/clothes. One example, just spent £200 on my lad for his prom, partner paid nothing. So I work and do the usual household chores cook, clean, washing etc. Partner is very money obsessed, but I feel I pay my way too. From when they were very young he's always swanned off and done his own thing, leaving me to it. Another issue with working full time is my lad will be starting college in sept and he'll need a lift to the train station which is 6 miles away and collecting, so how am I supposed to do that? Just needed an opinion. Can never reason with partner as he's never wrong.

Marriage is just a bit of paper it means absolutely nothing, especially when your man doesn’t have a pot to piss in.

Did you skip the part where she does all the household chores and he gets to swan and do what he likes? …she bloody earnt it

I just gave that as an example. Partner has never been one to buy his kids new clothes.

I have to agree wholeheartedly with this and other similar comments. Being unmarried leaves you very vulnerable. If DP thinks you should work marriage hours then he needs to step up with the household tasks and mental load. You also need to take steps to improve your financial security. Have either of you made wills?

PMSL. 😆 I can't believe anyone alive today thinks marriage is only a piece of paper. Come ON! Has your man (who refuses to marry you) convinced you of this?

I'm sorry but he has always been like this. Even when it was 50/50 when I worked full time.

@Mumtothreegirlies you are naive.

Loads of people think that way. It's madness, but they do. Although yes, I think a lot of them are men who know exactly what it is, which is why they won't do it, and yes, they convince the women that they're being progressive and individual. Because exploiting women and their labour is such a new concept!

@LivinDaylights

It does make me laugh when women are still part-time and their kids are nearly college age, yet they claim to have lots to do so can't work 🤣. I work ft with 3 kids, 2, 5 and 7, life is busy and we always have lots on, lots of dashing about taking kids to places in the evenings and weekends but it's fine.

Mornings are hectic I get up 30min earlier than the kids at 6 to clean up for half an hour, getting everyone up and out is an ordeal but once the kids are gone there's really nothing to do that I wouldn't have if I had no kids, granted there's more washing and the house gets messier quicker but I manage to whip round in 30min before work. I stick the washer on at lunch and food is made once we finish work (my husband is in charge of food shopping and cooking).

So how are they filling hours in the day, older kids should be washing their own clothes and bedding etc (they aren't exactly time consuming tasks with the invention of the washer and dryer anyway!). I genuinely wonder what part-timers with older kids are so busy with?

You're quite the little Superwoman aren't ya? Here have a medal! For being so AWESOME! 🏅 (And soooooo much better than part time working mums!) 🙄

Yet loads of women on MN talk about how their ‘husband’ up and left and left them with nothing. It’s only worth something if you’re wealthy with a mansion. Doesn’t seem like her partner is provider of the year expecting the mother of his children to get up in the early hours for work AND take care of all the household tasks.

It IS madness! I do suspect in a LOT of cases, it's the men driving this - and putting this bullshit into his woman's head. When someone says 'marriage is just a piece of paper' it makes me cringe so hard!

To clarify, the child benefit goes into the joint account NOT to me.

Don't talk such UTTER tripe. Good grief!

Sounds like you are projecting, and have been done over by a man who has left you without a pot to piss in. Bad luck. But don't assume the same will happen to all other women. MOST women will be much better off for SOOOOOOO many reasons getting married! Stop chatting shit!

Sorry love but it is. I’ve been married for 18 years and in that time most people I know have been married and divorced at least once many more then twice. It doesn’t stop them from cheating, it doesn’t suddenly mean you’ll be set for life either. It’s a choice and it doesn’t define how in love you are or how long you’ll be together.

@worldstillturns - you have nailed it. OP, please read that post, than read it again. :(

You are on very thin ice here.

There’s no way I’d be working FT and my DH only working PT and we had equal input of the housework.

If I’m working FT and he’s refusing to work more hours to contribute financially then he’s 100% going to be expected to contribute to the housework and childcare more than I do.

I think you’d be a mug if your DH only worked PT and still expected you to do 50/50 chores and childcare.

OP has said it’s her choice not to be married and so you can’t blame him for having more home security.

Most women in her situation would work FT to have the financial security that her DH has but she chooses not to, again not something that he can really be blamed for.

I’m married and we have many pots of piss. But I know many people that aren’t married and their relationships are just as valid.

Sorry LOVE, but you are talking absolute shite to even suggest that women are better off NOT BEING MARRIED AND ONLY LIVING WITH THEIR MAN/THE FATHER OF THEIR CHILDREN.

Stop peddling this shitty false information LOVE!

Aren't you a SAHM? SAHM without marriage makes you incredibly vulnerable.

It does define the legal rights and obligations of both parties should things go awry, though. It does protect your right not to be homeless, should you split up. Or your children's rights, come to think of it.

It's not supposed to. That's not the purpose of it.

The point is that should the relationship fail, or one of you die, there are protections in place. A marriage is not dissolved just because you fell out of love. If anything, it's protection for if things do go wrong.

If you love your partner and value what they do, why wouldn't you go with this?

If you have a portfolio of houses and an estate I could see why you’d think that but not every married person has that.

Of course being married won’t stop someone from cheating or running off.

But it will stop them from cheating and running off with the house and savings if they aren’t legally married.

Your partner's position is more reasonable if he is also arguing for him to do at least a half share of all domestic and childcare chores if you go full time.

This part of the equation is often left unmentioned by spouses wanting their other half to work more,. and posters urging the part-time worker to earn more.

Though I have just seen that you don't have ownership of the house. In that case I would definitely start working full-time and would be looking to make my future more secure. You could end up with no house and nothing but a minimal pension to live off.

1. Errr, OK, why do you have many pots of piss?

2. NO, your unmarried 'friends' relationships may be as valid as a married one, but the WOMAN in each one is vulnerable. I suppose you will say the women are all high earners now. (And you are too!) yawwwn