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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Genuinely stuck, what would you do in this situation?

140 replies

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 15:11

DH and I have been presented with an unexpected but amazing choice/opportunity and I don’t know what to do, we are both genuinely undecided so wanted to get some outsider views! Posting here so there is a vote!

I am currently on month 6 of maternity leave, we had planned and saved for me to take the full year off.

DH has recently resigned from his job, he has a 3 month notice period and is starting a new role at the end of September.

His employer has just told him they will be doing PILON, so he doesn’t have to actually work his notice period, so we get to spend a large chunk of this time together with our DD which is amazing.

BUT here is where we are stumped, as we never considered this would be a possibility we want to make the most of this time together as a family, as we will never have a 3 month chunk of time all together for a looong time. However knowing that is making us really indecisive, almost as if there is a pressure to make the most of this time, so much so we might end up not doing anything and wasting it.

We saved enough in a separate account to cover all bills, savings and pocket money for the last 6 months of my maternity leave (as I got 6 months full paid) so I am considering whether it might be worth going back to work 1 or even 2 months early, and using that portion of maternity savings to maybe travel as a family and stay in another country for a month or two. We could do our dream of touring around the USA, or go back to Australia and see more than just one city! Travel round Asia, drive the Italian coast.

But DH is worried I might regret not taking the full 12 months of maternity leave. But tbh I’m already a bit bored of it and although I love DD spending all day with a baby is a bit shit.

We have other savings, but those are the ‘don’t touch’ savings so using some of the maternity savings pot won’t impact us long term or touch the rainy day pot.

What would you do in this situation?

AIBU - you’ll regret not taking the full 12 months. Don’t use the savings for this

YABU - use some of the savings to travel together

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/07/2023 15:13

Your options don't make sense but as someone who also found mat leave boring, I'd do the travels and early return

Sirzy · 03/07/2023 15:15

Travel while you have the chance

CorBlimeyGovnr · 03/07/2023 15:16

Omg TRAVEL. Do it, we did similar and it was absolutely fantastic.

there will be some people who think that travelling with a baby is difficult but it really isn’t, and so much better to be out there seeing stuff than spending yet another day in soft play / a church hall.

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 03/07/2023 15:16

I would travel without any hesitation whatsoever.

Your baby is 6 months, you know what you can handle and what you can't, so you can plan any travel accordingly. Babies are extremely portable, and it's the best time frankly - as long as you don't try to replicate a adult only holiday.

Looking back, what would you have to remember that time if you just stay home?

Be realistic. In many places, the cost is the ticket, once you are there, you might as well as long as possible.

SummerInSun · 03/07/2023 15:18

12 months maternity leave versus 11 months maternity leave (or even 10 months) will make no difference at all to your DD long term, or to your relationship with your DD. Remember you will have weekends and holidays with your DD at home for years to come.

Blossomtoes · 03/07/2023 15:20

Book those tickets!

Nowearenotmakingitup · 03/07/2023 15:20

But you said yourself you’re bored and spending the whole day with one baby (multiples or doing drop offs and oick ups of an older one as well might be different) is “a bit shit”. There’s no choice in it for me.

Always choose travel imho.

Original poster
Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 15:23

CorBlimeyGovnr · 03/07/2023 15:16

Omg TRAVEL. Do it, we did similar and it was absolutely fantastic.

there will be some people who think that travelling with a baby is difficult but it really isn’t, and so much better to be out there seeing stuff than spending yet another day in soft play / a church hall.

We have already travelled with her a few times internationally so thankfully know she is a good travel buddy, not a cry forever baby!

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 03/07/2023 15:26

If your dream is touring the USA - do it.

The opportunity to achieve something you've always wanted to do won't often just present itself.

Just2MoreSeasons · 03/07/2023 15:27

Sign up to home exchange and go somewhere abroad for a few months using much less of your savings.

Original poster
Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 15:28

Just2MoreSeasons · 03/07/2023 15:27

Sign up to home exchange and go somewhere abroad for a few months using much less of your savings.

Omg it would be like the holiday!

Going to google this asap!!

OP posts:
DarkWingDuck · 03/07/2023 15:28

Travel!! Mat leave is boring.

VimFuego101 · 03/07/2023 15:30

I would definitely take the chance to travel before your DD starts walking. So much easier when they're immobile 😀

mainbrochus · 03/07/2023 15:32

Also look at long stay air b and bs as they are often not much more than a just a week.

travel and take lots of photos !

Ylvamoon · 03/07/2023 15:36

Travel.
It will be a long time - if ever- before you have this much freedom & money in your pocket again.

FindingTheFox · 03/07/2023 15:36

Definitely travel - it could e years before you get the opportunity for a long trip again.

greyhairnomore · 03/07/2023 15:36

Travel.
Look at Trusted House sitters.

How fantastic

Nordicrain · 03/07/2023 15:40

A couple I knew rented a house on the beach somewhere in South America, I think, for 2 months, and travelled around a bit. They had an amazing time and as it was a more long term arrangement they got a great price and the flights were obviously the same for 2 weeks as for 2 months. I would do something like that if I had half the chance!
I am not sure I would go back early though, can't you find the money elsewhere? Possibly even see if you could airbnb your house while you are away to help cover bills etc?

ChocChipHandbag · 03/07/2023 15:41

I’d travel 100% but not to somewhere like Asia (which I know well) unless you stuck to the very developed parts, which kind of defeats the purpose. Just too much hard work with a small baby.

Is your DH also on a non-compete until his notice period runs out? Could he not get quids in by starting his new role earlier, after you’ve all been away together for a month? Then you could take another month maternity leave.

Just2MoreSeasons · 03/07/2023 15:46

Feel free to pm me about home exchange op. Good luck

Original poster
Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 15:54

ChocChipHandbag · 03/07/2023 15:41

I’d travel 100% but not to somewhere like Asia (which I know well) unless you stuck to the very developed parts, which kind of defeats the purpose. Just too much hard work with a small baby.

Is your DH also on a non-compete until his notice period runs out? Could he not get quids in by starting his new role earlier, after you’ve all been away together for a month? Then you could take another month maternity leave.

He could start work earlier but he wants to enjoy this time with DD, as he only took a month paternity at the start and that was such a blur!

OP posts:
HollaHolla · 03/07/2023 15:58

Travel travel travel. Always take the chance to travel.
I unexpectedly ended up becoming disabled in my mid 30s. I'd traveled a lot in my 20s, but wish I'd done even more when I could. You never know the moment....

(Sorry to be a downer!)

ChocChipHandbag · 03/07/2023 16:01

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 15:54

He could start work earlier but he wants to enjoy this time with DD, as he only took a month paternity at the start and that was such a blur!

Show quote history

OK, but in your scenario you are going back to work a month early to fund your travels.

If he does 1 month travel, 1 month with DD and then goes to the new job a month early, that brings in the cash same as you going back to work, but you don’t have to cut your mat leave short. Or is he saying he wants 1 or 2 months as sole carer while you work? Just make sure you’re going back to work for the right reasons, not just to indulge him.

Original poster
Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 16:03

ChocChipHandbag · 03/07/2023 16:01

OK, but in your scenario you are going back to work a month early to fund your travels.

If he does 1 month travel, 1 month with DD and then goes to the new job a month early, that brings in the cash same as you going back to work, but you don’t have to cut your mat leave short. Or is he saying he wants 1 or 2 months as sole carer while you work? Just make sure you’re going back to work for the right reasons, not just to indulge him.

Show quote history

Not just to indulge him?

Not sure how him wanting to make the most of time with his daughter is indulging anyone.

what a nasty comment

OP posts:
AlligatorPsychopath · 03/07/2023 16:03

ChocChipHandbag · 03/07/2023 15:41

I’d travel 100% but not to somewhere like Asia (which I know well) unless you stuck to the very developed parts, which kind of defeats the purpose. Just too much hard work with a small baby.

Is your DH also on a non-compete until his notice period runs out? Could he not get quids in by starting his new role earlier, after you’ve all been away together for a month? Then you could take another month maternity leave.

…But they want to spend more time travelling together the 3 of them, and OP doesn't want more time home alone on mat leave. So that would be the opposite of what they want..?

It’s like some people genuinely cannot process that a father might actually want to maximise time with his child, and a mother might actively not want to have a full year at home.