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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Genuinely stuck, what would you do in this situation?

140 replies

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 15:11

DH and I have been presented with an unexpected but amazing choice/opportunity and I don’t know what to do, we are both genuinely undecided so wanted to get some outsider views! Posting here so there is a vote!

I am currently on month 6 of maternity leave, we had planned and saved for me to take the full year off.

DH has recently resigned from his job, he has a 3 month notice period and is starting a new role at the end of September.

His employer has just told him they will be doing PILON, so he doesn’t have to actually work his notice period, so we get to spend a large chunk of this time together with our DD which is amazing.

BUT here is where we are stumped, as we never considered this would be a possibility we want to make the most of this time together as a family, as we will never have a 3 month chunk of time all together for a looong time. However knowing that is making us really indecisive, almost as if there is a pressure to make the most of this time, so much so we might end up not doing anything and wasting it.

We saved enough in a separate account to cover all bills, savings and pocket money for the last 6 months of my maternity leave (as I got 6 months full paid) so I am considering whether it might be worth going back to work 1 or even 2 months early, and using that portion of maternity savings to maybe travel as a family and stay in another country for a month or two. We could do our dream of touring around the USA, or go back to Australia and see more than just one city! Travel round Asia, drive the Italian coast.

But DH is worried I might regret not taking the full 12 months of maternity leave. But tbh I’m already a bit bored of it and although I love DD spending all day with a baby is a bit shit.

We have other savings, but those are the ‘don’t touch’ savings so using some of the maternity savings pot won’t impact us long term or touch the rainy day pot.

What would you do in this situation?

AIBU - you’ll regret not taking the full 12 months. Don’t use the savings for this

YABU - use some of the savings to travel together

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 03/07/2023 18:40

It sounds like a wonderful opportunity to spend amazing time together.

Original poster
Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 19:26

lieselotte · 03/07/2023 18:32

I went away when ds was 6 months old and he was a dream (we went to Scotland and stayed in B&Bs).

We then went away when he was 9 months old and it wasn't much fun. And he wasn't a difficult baby, either. But it probably goes down as the least enjoyable holiday we had, along with one when he was about 18 months old. He was better when we first flew with him when he was a year old though.

I agree that travelling with babies is a bit pointless - they won't remember it.

But the balance of views seems overwhelming to go travelling - so do it! And you seem to have done plenty of it already so maybe your dd will be fine. It's probably a case of pick your moment.

I suppose it’s whether you view travel with babies as for them

I certainly don’t! It’s for me and DH plus it’s nice he can spend time with her

I’ll start caring about her enjoyment the moment she stops grabbing my eyelids with her tiny demon hands Grin

OP posts:
GCalltheway · 03/07/2023 19:47

You can’t really be that free with babies! They do require a lot of care and attention. The flaff of pushchairs and paraphernalia. It’s amazing travelling with older children and teenagers, if you can try and do some travelling then when the dc can remember and appreciate it.

callingeveryone · 03/07/2023 19:51

If you want loads of paraphernalia to leave the house with your baby, long foreign travel may not be for you.

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 03/07/2023 19:52

We did shared parental leave and travelled and it was the most special time. Would definitely recommend it.

It's much harder now he's over one and mobile, (and naps less, plus tantrums!) I'm pregnant again and sadly I don't think we can manage it with a toddler and a baby. So for us it was a perfect one time opportunity and I'm so glad we did it

Original poster
Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 20:02

GCalltheway · 03/07/2023 19:47

You can’t really be that free with babies! They do require a lot of care and attention. The flaff of pushchairs and paraphernalia. It’s amazing travelling with older children and teenagers, if you can try and do some travelling then when the dc can remember and appreciate it.

What do you mean that free?

we’ve already been away abroad 4 times with her and it’s been great!

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 03/07/2023 20:17

Go travelling

I would personally choose America or Australia. Asia can be hard going and Italy is close and can be done in a few short holidays

you don’t want to be stuck on long drives with energetic toddlers or teenagers that find family holidays boring and will remind you constantly of this

Cornishmumofone · 03/07/2023 20:18

DH was made redundant when DD was 6 months old. We ended up spending a month with my family in Australia because we could. Go for it!

GCalltheway · 03/07/2023 20:34

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 20:02

What do you mean that free?

we’ve already been away abroad 4 times with her and it’s been great!

Show quote history

i mean you can’t scuba dive or snorkel with a baby, or take her on a safari or go to beach parties to the early hours. I felt a lot more comfortable when they were older and we could do many more activities. I would keep some of the savings for later on when it will be remembered by dd.

I think if you choose your destinations carefully you can have an amazing time cheaply and still keep the mat leave in tact 😎

Blossomtoes · 03/07/2023 20:44

GCalltheway · 03/07/2023 20:34

i mean you can’t scuba dive or snorkel with a baby, or take her on a safari or go to beach parties to the early hours. I felt a lot more comfortable when they were older and we could do many more activities. I would keep some of the savings for later on when it will be remembered by dd.

I think if you choose your destinations carefully you can have an amazing time cheaply and still keep the mat leave in tact 😎

Show quote history

They won’t have that chunk of time later. It’s now or never.

Original poster
Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 20:54

GCalltheway · 03/07/2023 20:34

i mean you can’t scuba dive or snorkel with a baby, or take her on a safari or go to beach parties to the early hours. I felt a lot more comfortable when they were older and we could do many more activities. I would keep some of the savings for later on when it will be remembered by dd.

I think if you choose your destinations carefully you can have an amazing time cheaply and still keep the mat leave in tact 😎

Show quote history

Thankfully it’s not an either or choice, we will still be able to travel a lot when she is older and do this if we decide to travel on May leave.

plus I can’t think of anything worse than a beach party!

OP posts:
GCalltheway · 03/07/2023 21:02

African beach parties are incredible experiences!

Original poster
Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 21:04

GCalltheway · 03/07/2023 21:02

African beach parties are incredible experiences!

I’ve not been able to stay up into the early hours since I was about 16! Aha

OP posts:
eleanoreleanoreleanor · 03/07/2023 21:14

@CorBlimeyGovnr

I know. I can't remember exactly but I think SMP was fine to travel with when I was getting that, but the part my employer paid stipulated I had to remain in the EU, or I could go outside the EU but would have had to use annual leave. Or something like that. It was many, many years ago so I'm not totally sure, and I'm not entirely sure how they would have known if I had gone abroad either...

Whichwhatnow · 03/07/2023 22:03

Me and my sister went to Mexico for two weeks and did a fair amount of traveling when DN was just shy of 1, it was fine. Several friends have gone on extended travels (admittedly mostly in campers etc around Europe) with babies (and often toddlers/other kids as well). And I've done plenty of backpacking etc in Asia and North Africa and often come across people with babies. I wouldn't let that be a concern (it doesn't sound like you are anyway, but just for added reassurance!)

GCalltheway · 04/07/2023 06:37

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 21:04

I’ve not been able to stay up into the early hours since I was about 16! Aha

Show quote history

Poor you.

Tessabelle74 · 04/07/2023 17:57

Go on the trip!

Britinme · 04/07/2023 17:58

I'd add my vote for home exchange - we did that for three years with children aged 3, 8 and 10 the first time and 5, 10 and 12 the second. We only stopped doing it because the oldest needed to be somewhere he could have more activities as a teenager. It was perfect with younger children. In your case, with a young baby, you don't have to worry about going to child-friendly houses (which we did, only exchanging with other families with children of a similar age).

ABoxfull0fLetters · 04/07/2023 18:00

Travel, travel, travel

Such a great opportunity !

The longest time that I have ever had off work on holiday is one month

seafish · 04/07/2023 18:26

it'll be different when both you and your husband are around. You won't be bored, just enjoy the time together as a family. If you're not in need of the money, i'd take the full year mat leave and travel wherever possible. You may not get an opportunity like this again, don't waste it working! I had 14months off work so i did get bored but the time with my baby was so valuable.

Mybingoballs · 04/07/2023 18:36

We both regret not doing it get gone as I now can’t travel due to head injury and have been off work for 12 years!!!! GET YA BAGS PACKED! ♥️ I’m now 46 & 53 with older children and I’d be off like a shot if we had our time again.

Missingpop · 04/07/2023 19:46

Get those tickets; ok going back to work a month or so early is a bit shite but you’ll only be away a few hours if you go back part time 7 if full time; you’ll see her in the evenings & weekends etc have fun & live in the moment x

Avidreader99 · 04/07/2023 20:04

100% travel. The memories you will make will far outweigh what you would being at home. Me and my partner had a chunknof time off together during my mat leave but couldn't afford to go anywhere and it quickly hot lost in the monoty of life administration, food shops, house cleans blah blah. The other families in our NCT group have all had lovely holidays away and although the babies won't remember any of it they have those memories. Go for it!

Mummyto2rugrats · 04/07/2023 21:08

I would travel without hesitation perfect opportunity

cookie4640 · 04/07/2023 22:13

If you were told tomorrow you have three months left to live what would you do?

non of us know when our times up, so live for today, live now. Don’t get too busy making a living that you forget to have a life… xxx