Genuinely stuck, what would you do in this situation?

[Ceramiccathy]

DH and I have been presented with an unexpected but amazing choice/opportunity and I don’t know what to do, we are both genuinely undecided so wanted to get some outsider views! Posting here so there is a vote!

I am currently on month 6 of maternity leave, we had planned and saved for me to take the full year off.

DH has recently resigned from his job, he has a 3 month notice period and is starting a new role at the end of September.

His employer has just told him they will be doing PILON, so he doesn’t have to actually work his notice period, so we get to spend a large chunk of this time together with our DD which is amazing.

BUT here is where we are stumped, as we never considered this would be a possibility we want to make the most of this time together as a family, as we will never have a 3 month chunk of time all together for a looong time. However knowing that is making us really indecisive, almost as if there is a pressure to make the most of this time, so much so we might end up not doing anything and wasting it.

We saved enough in a separate account to cover all bills, savings and pocket money for the last 6 months of my maternity leave (as I got 6 months full paid) so I am considering whether it might be worth going back to work 1 or even 2 months early, and using that portion of maternity savings to maybe travel as a family and stay in another country for a month or two. We could do our dream of touring around the USA, or go back to Australia and see more than just one city! Travel round Asia, drive the Italian coast.

But DH is worried I might regret not taking the full 12 months of maternity leave. But tbh I’m already a bit bored of it and although I love DD spending all day with a baby is a bit shit.

We have other savings, but those are the ‘don’t touch’ savings so using some of the maternity savings pot won’t impact us long term or touch the rainy day pot.

What would you do in this situation?

AIBU - you’ll regret not taking the full 12 months. Don’t use the savings for this

YABU - use some of the savings to travel together

I took my full 12 months and I plan to do that again. No regrets.

But whilst I was off, we had an amazing holiday and I would happily go on holiday like that again, even if it meant I had to curtail my mat leave. The time spent and the memories made were better than staying off for 12 months.

I think you'll regret missing this once in a lifetime opportunity far more than a few extra weeks of mat leave. I can't remember the tail ends of either of mine.

How is this even a question?! Travel for sure! And it will be lovely for your DD and DH to have some bonding time just them after you've all had an amazing time travelling as a family. It's not like you're going back early and sticking her in full time nursery (not that there would be anything wrong with that anyway and plenty of people need to go back earlier than 12 months will no harm done to them or their baby, but I just mean there is literally no reason for you to have any kind of guilt over going back early!). Your DD won't remember either way and which do you think you'll remember more - one more month of baby groups, daytime tv and going for coffees/lunches etc or going on an epic adventure with your baby and DH??

This sounds like the absolute perfect plan!

My friends were in similar circumstances and went camping around France. Dreamy. (If you like camping that is )
I'd go travelling, try to make it cheap and the have the best of both worlds.

Ps kids are much more fun age 3+
They've got no chat when they're babies.

@Ceramiccathy I definitely think you should travel.

WRT your return to work remember you have 10 KIT days and /or 20 SPLIT days if you opt for SPL. https://www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay/booking-blocks-of-leave Note: Employrr has to agree.

If you work KIT days having exhausted SMP you are maximising your pay. You may also benefit from tax rebate/lower tax so revive a higher net pay. If you did 2 KIT days for 5 weeks would that mean you only have to properly go back one month before?

You will also have accrued annual leave that you can use to phase back in so 5 weeks with 2 KIT days, 5 weeks working 3 days with 2 days leave (10 days) etc.

Ah so we would be sticking her in nursery if I went back early, DH starts his new job in the end of Sept, I was taking until end of December off, but if we did this I’d probably go back 2nd to last week of October instead

Sorry awful typos.

Do you have a nursery place for sept?

i second home exchange. We have used it loads to swap worldwide with other parents with small kids- hugely reduces the crap you need to bring, gives them a whole new set of toys and saves you thousands.

I think you will more regret not doing it and just wasting your time together just pottering around and not actually doing anything with the freedom you both have before work life and general life takes a hold. This is a good chance to spend that time doing something you wouldnt be able to do before.

We have spoken to the nursery and they’re fine taking her 6 weeks early (works out about 7 weeks of my Mat leave I’d not have and I was putting her in the week before I go back anyway)

God this sounds amazing, especially the point about swapping with another family with kids so all the stuff is already there!!

Do it do it do it. Sometimes it's about quality, not quantity. An extensive travel experience with the whole family is worth more than an extra few weeks of baby sensory and soft play.

I still vote for travel 100%. One extra month of nursery makes no odds IMO.

Do the travel! You will never regret it.

Travel definitely, also if it's only 6 weeks earlier you really won't be missing much. Have an amazing trip!!

Absolutely go travelling. I’d go somewhere long hall which will be harder / more costly to visit once school starts but also has decent healthcare should you need it (esp. for the baby). I think you’ll seriously regret it if you don’t do it.

My brother and his wife hired a camper van and did NZ - baby stages fairly easy, and good mobile set up that worked in terms of space and being able to fit everything in and together, get around etc. Go and have fun, OMG what a GIFT.

I travelled with a tiny baby. It was fine. Just be aware if you formula feed, in some countries decent formula can be hard to find outside cities so you may need to adjust your travelling to take account of this. And enjoy.

OP just check the legalities around it, I wasn't allowed to travel out of the EU and still claim Mat pay/Mat leave. Yours may be totally different, but just in case!

Ah I see people talking about places like New Zealand. If that is what you do my comment about formula is irrelevant. We travelled about Asia.

Do it! Sounds amazing.

And if you're already finding mat leave hard, it doesn't really get easier (mentally). Returning to work might still be hard/emotional, but that could be the case no matter how long you take off.

What a great opportunity. House swap is great too - I did it pre kids and kept in touch with the people I swapped with, they're like family now.

I should say, if I did go outside the EU I would have had to take annual leave for this

Go for it!

If you can do it and you both want to, then travel, make the memories while you have time to do it. Unlikely to be so easy again when you’re both back at work. Dd starts school etc