Genuinely stuck, what would you do in this situation?

[Ceramiccathy]

DH and I have been presented with an unexpected but amazing choice/opportunity and I don’t know what to do, we are both genuinely undecided so wanted to get some outsider views! Posting here so there is a vote!

I am currently on month 6 of maternity leave, we had planned and saved for me to take the full year off.

DH has recently resigned from his job, he has a 3 month notice period and is starting a new role at the end of September.

His employer has just told him they will be doing PILON, so he doesn’t have to actually work his notice period, so we get to spend a large chunk of this time together with our DD which is amazing.

BUT here is where we are stumped, as we never considered this would be a possibility we want to make the most of this time together as a family, as we will never have a 3 month chunk of time all together for a looong time. However knowing that is making us really indecisive, almost as if there is a pressure to make the most of this time, so much so we might end up not doing anything and wasting it.

We saved enough in a separate account to cover all bills, savings and pocket money for the last 6 months of my maternity leave (as I got 6 months full paid) so I am considering whether it might be worth going back to work 1 or even 2 months early, and using that portion of maternity savings to maybe travel as a family and stay in another country for a month or two. We could do our dream of touring around the USA, or go back to Australia and see more than just one city! Travel round Asia, drive the Italian coast.

But DH is worried I might regret not taking the full 12 months of maternity leave. But tbh I’m already a bit bored of it and although I love DD spending all day with a baby is a bit shit.

We have other savings, but those are the ‘don’t touch’ savings so using some of the maternity savings pot won’t impact us long term or touch the rainy day pot.

What would you do in this situation?

AIBU - you’ll regret not taking the full 12 months. Don’t use the savings for this

YABU - use some of the savings to travel together

Travel!! We didn’t with DS, even though we always said we would, and we regret it

And now is far easier than when they become toddlers and mobile.

id Definitely travel, I’m so jealous! What an amazing situation. Look at home exchange or house sitting to keep costs down and you might be able to do 2 months.

I’d go for it especially as I found travel with toddlers particularly shit and tedious - it could be your last chance for a decent holiday for about 3 years!

Am in awe of anyone who finds travelling with a baby easy. When my ds was 6 months old we plucked up the courage to take him to Swanage for a week and it was so stressful we came home early 😂.

Have 2 dc primary age now and we still genuinely find being away more stressful than being at home. They always sleep much worse when they’re out of their normal surroundings/routine and it makes them so much more tetchy during the day. As babies they also both hated being left with anyone but us for the first 18 months so I would choose longest maternity possible to minimise the amount of time they spent being distraught every time.

Hats off to you though, you all sound way more chilled out than my family will ever be so do whatever will make you all happiest!

I would choose a place that has seriously good healthcare. Babies can get very sick very quickly, so make sure your insurance is bullet proof and the countries have first class healthcare. Canada, Switzerland etc

I would also keep it very simple, too many time zones and your baby will never sleep and turn very grizzly.

Travel while baby is free. It gets expensive when you have to buy them tickets…
That or dump it all on your mortgage to lower payments.

Go for it!
And… if you all hate it, come home 😊

ps have you got accrued annual leave to tack onto your mat leave? I technically when back to work (active service) before my year was up but I was just using the accrued annual leave up and being paid.

I didn't stick to "safe" options. Most countries have private medical care so don't think you need to be stuck in western type countries only.

I had a very bad experience with my baby in the US of all places - who wouldn’t even look at her without papers, she was so ill at the time, and finally admitted after AMEX got involved and forwarded the documents. Believe me if you are ever in that situation, you wouldn’t feel so relaxed! Healthcare and access really matters especially for the under ones.

The US is notorious for this. Hospitals will leave people dying on their doorstep if they do not have the right papers, so it does not surprise me at all. Many less western countries are far better than the US.

Travel!

Ooh thank you for this, never considered the legal aspect so will definitely do some research

That is an absolutely crazy policy!

It was absolutely shit!! I couldn’t believe it. We were treated like criminals until the papers arrived, I was pleading with them to at least make her comfortable and they told me to lie her on the floor!

Once they received our documents they were wreathed in smiles and couldn’t do enough for us. I always check the hospital situation now automatically even though my dc are older.

Travel and take full Mat leave. Use your other savings. Read 'have baby will travel' by Sarah Tucker.

Oh we’d be getting her a seat, it’s safer for babies and I think I’d rather eat glass than have to hold her for lord knows how many hours!

Take the car seat on to the plane. Not sure if you can still do that but it works wonders for a few hours.

This. Travel is a no brainer. Life changing experience versus a couple more months of kids tv and nappy changing. If anyone makes you feel guilty about this, fuck them off.

Travel

id be off for as long as possible

Travel! That time as a family will be so prevcious!

My Dh is South African and we went to visit his parents when Dd was 4 months old. We travelled around the whole of SA visiting all his family and we loved it so much we decided to go on a tour of Asia & Europe and ended up travelling until she was 9 months old! I don’t regret it one bit. I then fell pregnant with twins who were in and out of hospital when they were young so we didn’t have that opportunity with them. I’m so, so glad I got to experience it. Both dh and I planned to have our dc later in life and had considerable savings. I would do it again in a heartbeat if I could.

Don't hesitate. It’s easier than you think. We went 12 years ago now but I don’t remember ever feeling overwhelmed or needing loads of stuff. You just have to go with the flow and you’ll be fine. I did get the baby bassinet thing for the plane - I’ll see if I can find the link for it. I didn’t get her her own seat so this was a lifesaver. Also, it sounds weird after Covid, but people on planes were so helpful. I lost count of the amount of people who were happy to cuddle Dd for a bit when we were tired or just had loads of stuff in our hand.

I went away when ds was 6 months old and he was a dream (we went to Scotland and stayed in B&Bs).

We then went away when he was 9 months old and it wasn't much fun. And he wasn't a difficult baby, either. But it probably goes down as the least enjoyable holiday we had, along with one when he was about 18 months old. He was better when we first flew with him when he was a year old though.

I agree that travelling with babies is a bit pointless - they won't remember it.

But the balance of views seems overwhelming to go travelling - so do it! And you seem to have done plenty of it already so maybe your dd will be fine. It's probably a case of pick your moment.