I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

[Lostsoul0307]

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

I can believe it happens, but something about the choice of audience and nature of it seems off to me. But even if it wasn't intended to draw a certain type of person or a certain type of response, it clearly has. It's a how-to whether it means to be or not.

Real or not, no one forced or tricked posters to say that giving a stripper a 4 minute blowjob isn't cheating. That's actually the most surprising part of the thread for me.

Maybe, but I think there is also a propensity to see gorillas in the mist, and calling ‘troll/man’ is an easy way for someone to dismiss something they don’t want to be true.

Whoah there, calm down and catch your breath. You need a breathing space to work out what 's the point of telling him.

Are you going to make him an ick memory that lasts for life?
Is it to ease your conscience? Will you feel LESS guilty if he knows all?
Or, will hurting him just make both of you feel worse?

Imagine if he was drunk at a stag do and licked cream off some stripper. Would you want him to confess? Or would you really rather not know any of the awful seedy details of whatever guys actually do at a stag.

Think on.

Believe me, there's tons of other much worse stuff on here that I'd rather not be true, but I'm sure it is. Seeing how the flame wars go, by that logic you wouldn't believe this is a mostly female site and I think we all agree that it is.

I'm not going to go into the full picture of everything that suggests a man with nefarious purposes on here, but I'm really pretty confident in some cases... and it isn't just because they're saying stuff I don't like.

FWIW, I've never had anyone suggest I'm not a woman even though I've definitely caused consternation regarding some sexual topics. I have had some people suggest that I don't really have kids, though.

If my husband had ever cheated in any way, yes of course I would want to know, and I'm sure he would want to know if I'd cheated. Like everyone who gets married, we made vows to each other and we take them seriously, even after 43 years. Any kind of infidelity would always have been a complete deal breaker for me, and I would still leave my husband immediately if I found out about any occasion when he'd cheated. I had a couple of relationships before I met my husband where boyfriends had cheated, and I can't understand how anyone could stay with someone when they know they have had any type of sec with someone else, whatever the circumstances.

Urgh.. thought strippers had rules like no hands and no sex and sex acts?

as for you and your friends- very sad bunch with no self respect..

called someone a melt 🤣

i think you should come clean and confess all. but not yet. Give it a bit of time for your feelings to calm down - like a few decades. Tell him when you are both old, infirm and senile. But until then don't drink and never nosh off a stripper ever again.

@BigTitsMcStuffin

I get that. If my husband sucked on someone’s tits a little too enthusiastically and for too long at a stag (which would be hugely out of character for him) I just wouldn’t want to know.

@BigTitsMcStuffin

I can imagine my husband saying the same.

People are missing the point. She gave another man a blow job.

If you’re in a monogamous relationship, for sexual health reasons, you cannot keep that to yourself. The OP needs to get tested and she needs to tell her DH.

It’s not right to potentially mess with a partner’s sexual health because you feel guilty.

@therescoffeeinthatnebula

she could abstain from sexual contact with her husband until she got the all clear. There’s ways round it.

I would keep quiet if it was a one off and totally out of character. Rightly or wrongly.

I also think this thread is damaging. Not least because it creates some pervy myth that women behave like this on average. We don’t.

Anyone who has seen a male stripper knows full well it’s a complete and utter laugh, not some erotic experience. it is very different to men watching a woman. The whole it’s so horny what with his rippling muscles I just had to suck his cock is beyond niche or ludicrous.

I agree. It sounds like something a gay man would say.

Sure. Is she going to abstain for another six months after being tested just to make sure she hasn’t picked up HIV? Or is she going to get tested once and decide it’s probably fine?

She has no right to make that assumption without letting her DH choose to make that assumption with her.

NAHALT!

And what’s that supposed to mean?

That sounds incredibly homophobic!

Blimey. I've never gone for a HIV test after giving a blow job? Should I have?

Definitely the most offensive thing about this thread @ShirleyPhallus 🤣🤣🤣

Can I just say that the mental gymnastics and hypocrisy in this thread are some of the key reasons why Mumsnet has the reputation it does?

Double standards and frankly scurrilous advice like that doled out here are reasons why other forums around the internet have threads called things like "Mumsnet madness" where discussions like this one are copied and pasted, to aghast reactions and much amusement. It's why there are Twitter accounts set up for the same thing. We're a laughing stock.

Seriously some of you people need to take a look at yourselves.

@hammie46i

Low risk of HIV transmission via oral however he is working in the ‘trade’ so I guess that does add a layer of complexity to this situation but then surely all the other women who had a lick would face that scenario too?

Im just kinda glad I don’t do shit like that. I have a conscience for a start.

If this thread makes some women realize that not all women are the same and that many women find naked men arousing, then it's probably a good thing.

I think it's worse to say that groups of women go to see strippers to laugh at them.

It's worse to say only gay men would be turned on by a naked man.

It's worse to tell women there's something wrong with them if they find a naked man arousing. That's just slut shaming by the puritanical.