I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

[Lostsoul0307]

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

You’ll have to tell him, because until you have a clear STI screen, you risk passing something on to him. So tell him exactly what you did, before you go near him sexually. If I was him I wouldn’t touch you with someone else’s after this. Yes, you have been unfaithful, as well as stupid and crass. If drinking makes you do this sort of thing, then stop drinking.

And if you are a man, and this scenario is a reverse with you having done the same but with a woman, the same applies equally.

It is being unfaithful, and a total breach of trust.

Another one here saying DON’T tell him. What good would that do?

i absolutely have told DH if he has a ONS not to tell me otherwise I’d have to make a decision and he assuages his conscience.

I've learnt something from this thread....the word noshing. How long's it been called that?

Why do hen parties have to degenerate into this??

What's wrong with simply going out for a meal with your fellow hens?

Why is either a week's holiday in Ibiza, or this debacle??

I remember Alan Carr saying that he thought stag parties were getting out of hand as well, cos last time he went to one over a weekend, he was awarded a Btec in hairdressing!

Do you love your DH? How can you want to stay ignorant if he has sex with someone else? Would that not break your heart? (I’m asking genuinely)

Gosh, what if it wasn't and the OP and her DH are at the wedding when in a drunken state one of the other hens shouts it out, you know for a laugh as you do...
TAXI for OP.

@aflix I'm in my 50's now and in my teens we used to call it noshing someone off. Maybe it's regional? 😂

Whether this is genuine or not, I am shocked how many people think it appropriate or "kinder" to never tell a partner about behaviour like this. The act itself reeks of disrespect and untrustworthiness, and taking away your partner's right to decide whether they want to remain in a relationship with someone who would act in that way is absolutely another level of disrespect in itself. You aren't being kind for not saying anything, you are making your own life easier and adding insult to injury with every passing day.

So you're happy for him to have one, as long as you don't know about it?

I really don't understand this mentality at all.

Have you agreed on an open relationship?

Surely you’ve heard the word nosh? Nosh = food. Noshing =eating

Okay. 1, I don't think this is real either. OP has laboured the points a little too much. Male stripper and female stripper are two very different things. Female strippers, private dances, one on one, male stripper, hen dos, parties, group entertainment-both are actual jobs of course, but they're different ones. This stripper would have been hired from an agency and there will be rules as to what he can and can't do, surely he doesn't want to be catching bacterial infections and oral herpes from random women whose background he has no idea about?

2 I don't understand the dynamics of being behind a flag either, how does that work?

3 To those who say 'extras' don't happen in strip clubs with females, they absolutely do, and I've worked in them for 20 years. Not all strippers do them of course, but they're to be found in many clubs to various extents.

4 this advertisement 'popping up'(see what I did there) on this thread greatly amused me.

@isthismylifenow

"Blimey.

I thought that was how one got rid of a skin tag.

Hope the poor penis doesn't fall off too."

They actually have to be really careful, if a penis is engorged/text fit to king the blood can cut and cause a priapism where it doesn't drain. This can be very very serious and has to be drained with a needle the size of a bic pen 😱

Of course you tell.

Jesus Christ, if someone's genitals had been in my partners mouth I'd want to know.

If you were a man posting, I can guarantee you would have received very different responses!

But this is mumsnet where men are annihilated and women are told to keep schtum. Same with their pay rises and bonuses.

Washing wouldn't get rid of all unsavoury bits 🤣🤣

If this was a man who’d performed fellatio on a lap dancer / stripper there would be 18 pages of LTB

I don't think a man would DARE put that on here!

Grim and tacky, but, only you will know what sort of response you will get from him. Would he consider this cheating, or would he think it's just hi-jinks?
If I were you, I'd stop getting so drunk, and being led into bad ways....

Yes, but the sisterhood! When men cheat, they are the scum of the earth. But when women cheat, they are our sisters and we must support them. Or some shit like that.

Do you think the majority of posters here are supportive of the OP? They aren't and neither should they be. Most of us are firstly disbelieving, secondly disgusted.

If this was a man, I would believe him.
As it stands...not so much.

Plenty of posters are saying this behaviour is wrong, constitutes infidelity and that she should tell him. You're badly misrepresenting the thread - it's by no means unanimous.

**Were a man

There’s a sizeable proportion supporting the view that’s it’s either ok, or he doesn’t need to know.

whether that’s 50% or 10% it’s much higher than the virtually 0% who would support a man doing the same.

like I say, not one of those posters would state that view on a thread the other way round.

it doesn’t matter if this is real, it’s so easy to show hypocrisy

I would be very worried if I was her and he thought going down on a stripper was just high jinx 😂

There are plenty who think she hasn't done anything that bad and she shouldn't tell him.