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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband binned my online order

129 replies

HopefulBeckie · 02/07/2023 19:42

I have an 8 month old and have had insomnia for a long time beforehand. Lately my sleep has gotten so bad after my baby had a few weeks of terrible sleep. I think maybe it’s because I got used to waking up so often that I’m constantly on edge even though he is only waking up like once sometimes twice now and goes back to sleep quite quickly.
I’ve constantly got headaches and am struggling to get through a few hours during the day without crying and having bad eye pain (I have had my eyes checked and have a new prescription for glasses).

so I’ve brought some otc sleeping tablets from an online pharmacy. It was a tracked delivery so was delivered today and signed for by my husband. He has hidden or binned them and not said a word to me about it.
Now I understand he is probably mad as I have had mental health issues in the past where I have abused sleeping tablets. But that was a long time ago and I would never do that again as I want nothing more than to be there for my family. Plus I need to tend to my son during the night so I’d only take half a pill just to get me off to sleep when things get really bad.
I literally don’t know what else to do to sleep as I fear I’m gonna get really Ill if I don’t take some sort of action.

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
melj1213 · 02/07/2023 22:31

I genuinely cannot see the problem of OTC sleeping tablets!

Then you should probably research OTC sleeping tablets and look at the reasons why they're not recommended for more than occasional use.

Then you should look into addiction and abuse of medication, which the OP has already admitted to a history of.

Original poster
HopefulBeckie · 02/07/2023 22:38

momtoboys · 02/07/2023 21:33

I also understand as another poster so aptly put it “the desperation of insomnia”. I am also a regular user of OTC sleeping medication. And, maybe like you, hit my breaking point while raising 6 month twins and a 2 year old. After trying everything I could think of (no caffeine, increased exercise, meditation, therapy), my husband got me a hotel room for two nights. I went there, took my otc sleep medication and slept for 18 hours. The next night I slept for 12 hours. For me it served to reset my body and I was able to move forward. There was no stress, no listening for the baby. We had plenty of breast milk frozen for the babies.

That would be interesting to read. Do you remember their user name so I can search for it?
also that must be so tough! I can’t imagine how hard it would be to have twins and a toddler. I’m glad you found something that worked for you.

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 02/07/2023 22:54

nytol Are not the same class of drug as zopiclone. However, if you need to get up for a child you really can’t take anything that might impair your ability to wake up and see to
them safely. What you really need to do
is book a hotel for a couple of nights and just leave oh to it so that you can get some sleep. Or go to a friend/ relative

SeaToSki · 02/07/2023 22:54

Have you tried calcium and magnesium supplements before bed, they wont be a magic bullet, but will help if you are deficient in either (and most people are). Try taking the full RDA for a couple of weeks and see what helps and get your DH to do the night shift completely for a week while you sleep out of earshot even if you can only do that with earplugs and an eyemask

Magnoliafarm · 02/07/2023 22:57

Explain to the gp about feeling on edge and struggling to sleep but so tired in the day, could be hyperthyroidism, i had started sertraline and beta blockers before working out that it was my thyroid! Wired but tired!

KnackeredAF · 02/07/2023 23:17

Kiwiandstrawberries · 02/07/2023 22:29

I genuinely cannot see the problem of OTC sleeping tablets! They are not addictive and am guessing your previous problem was with prescription sleep medication.
I think your husband had absolutely no right to bin your tablets unless they were prescription online tablets and even then he should have discussed it with you and not treat you like a child.

They aren’t addictive and neither are the Z drug sleeping tablets prescribed - addiction usually is when you need to take something to get a perceived high/buzz. However it is extremely easy to become dependent upon all sleeping tablets, OTC or prescribed. Once you become dependent upon them, you won’t sleep without.
There are thousands of people addicted to benzodiazepines historically used to aid sleep - temazepam, nitrazepam etc. Zopiclone, zolpidem are the new issue. Lots of people can’t stop using them due to complete dependency and it’s a real problem.
OTC sleep aids are widely abused and pharmacies know to keep an eye out for repeat purchasers. They should only be used to break the cycle of insomnia, not regularly at all.

user1492757084 · 02/07/2023 23:37

If you can get new glasses you can find time to see your GP.
It will be a nice outing. Have an outing every day. Fresh air and time in a green space/park is great for mental health and insomnia and great for babies.
Do some physical exercise - like walking to the park in the sunshine - and do not be tempted to sleep in.
Use the same go to sleep routine as your baby every night - a regular time, no screens for two hours before hand, a nice bath, a warm milk, some grapes, a read etc etc. Just lying in your cosy bed is giving your eyes and body a well earned and needed rest.
Do not go back to sleeping pills. Your husband has a fine memory. What were you thinking?

xsquared · 03/07/2023 00:12

Kiwiandstrawberries · 02/07/2023 22:29

I genuinely cannot see the problem of OTC sleeping tablets! They are not addictive and am guessing your previous problem was with prescription sleep medication.
I think your husband had absolutely no right to bin your tablets unless they were prescription online tablets and even then he should have discussed it with you and not treat you like a child.

Op's dh hasn't binned them for certain. She only thinks he has, or has hidden them as he's not mentioned them.

Devastateddaughter · 03/07/2023 00:19

How did he know they were sleeping pills? Didn't they come wrapped up?

Hill1991 · 03/07/2023 02:48

OnlyFannys · 02/07/2023 22:22

Genuine question, has anyone saying speak to a GP had any actual success with insomnia? I've tried multiple times, often in tears due to the lack of sleep and they have been entirely useless, the most help I get is being told to take a nice bath before bed

No I had sleeping tablets prescribed from the ages of 12-17 on and off but now all I get told is to try and meditate and take a bath, I've had insomnia all my life and now take otc sleeping tablets as and when i can't take anymore ( don't take them every night) just when I'm at breaking point

Codlingmoths · 03/07/2023 03:43

I used white noise to help me sleep as it meant I didn’t twitch with every breath or move or snuffle the baby made, as you do get into that wired state where every noise twangs a big guitar string in your brain. You do still wake when baby is actually crying, don’t stress about that!

mathanxiety · 03/07/2023 04:18

Tell your H you wouldn't be in your knees from lack of sleep if had been the one getting up in the night with his child.

Ask him how he intends to support you to get some sleep from now on, or does he think you should just not sleep.

honeynutcornfllakes · 03/07/2023 04:39

Book a GP appointment to discuss everything

Tell your husband that you need an uninterrupted night to rest and reset. He isn't 'helping' you, by getting up at night he is parenting and he needs to do more of that especially at the moment.

Have a hot bath, and get in bed while you are still hot and relaxed and sleepy from the bath. Earplugs and eye mask on. And try to drift off while your husband takes charge for the night.

AngelAurora · 03/07/2023 04:49

You should not be buying sleeping tablets online, that's extremely dangerous, they are not prescribed by your GP, and who ever you bought them off does not know your medical history.

I think your husband personally knowing your history, did the right thing. You need to be honest with yourself and speak to your GP.

AngelAurora · 03/07/2023 04:52

Shearing · 02/07/2023 19:49

Your husband should not have binned them without speaking to you. Do you two have problems with communication? I find this really odd. However worried he was, he should have spoken to you. It’s very disrespectful and patronising what he did.

He did the right thing considering her back history with them. They are dangerous and should only ever be given under careful consideration by your GP.

blahblahblah1654 · 03/07/2023 05:30

Your husband needs to get up with the baby and allow you some uninterrupted sleep. You need a couple of nights to rest and reset from all the trendiness and anxiety. Your husband shouldn't be the only getting sleep. Have you tried valerian root? I find even a tiny amount of that helps me sleep. It does sometimes give me such vivid dreams though!

blahblahblah1654 · 03/07/2023 05:32

Also, he's in bed at 8pm as he had to do one night of getting up with the baby??? Hopefully he realised how difficult it's been for you now.

JMSA · 03/07/2023 05:58

Does your husband tend to open your mail?

NewDogOwner · 03/07/2023 06:30

To be brutally honest, you sound like a addict trying to get strangers online to say that you are justified in taking these and if one person says they can understand, you will feel OK about your decision.

Caradonna · 03/07/2023 06:41

As an insomniac I'm surprised if you managed to get anything that could be dangerous online. I think I got trazodone (though sleep is a side effect) once but unfortunately they didn't work anyway.
Get promethazine (sominex) from the chemist. I wouldn't think they are easy to misuse as if you use them regularly they stop working.
And arrange for DH to get up.
They make you dopey and ime don't knock you out (but everyone is different) but I can't see you sleeping unless the baby is looked after by someone else.
It's good for baby to be able to settle back to sleep without you. Also it's good he settles back quickly. You'll have to make some tough rules until you achieve this.

fetchacloth · 03/07/2023 18:05

weqa · 02/07/2023 19:47

You need to be speaking to your gp, not buying drugs online. I think he has acted out of concern for you

This really - make an appointment to see your GP as soon as you can.

samqueens · 03/07/2023 18:09

Looking after an infant is demanding and exhausting, especially if they don’t sleep well (which is very often the case).

This is a problem that might be improved by figuring out with your DH a better way to manage things so you have more opportunities to sleep (eg during the day, he takes the baby out for a walk so you don’t hear screaming etc in your absence, or you go to a friends/relatives to lie down). Part of that being on edge, when will I have to be up again feeling does go away when you are genuinely confident your child is fine. So I used to find I got better sleep between 6/7 and 9/10 if someone else was looking after my awake child, than in the night when they wouldn’t be as easily settled without me.

Also taking pressure off all household tasks so if you lie down in the day and feel you can doze off, you aren’t then panicking about the laundry or hoovering. Your H can help with all this without it impacting his sleep, and this might help you regroup a bit.

In addition - yes absolutely go to the GP, don’t self medicate

samqueens · 03/07/2023 18:09

(That was 6/7 - 9/10 in the morning - not at night!)

user40643 · 03/07/2023 18:10

Shearing · 02/07/2023 20:18

You can buy Nytol and melatonin online which are not really addictive as such. And herbal stuff. You can also buy z drugs which are more dependence-forming but we don’t know what the OP bought. It doesn’t necessarily have to be ‘dodgy’.

You cannot legitimately but Melatonin online. It's prescription only.

Shearing · 03/07/2023 18:29

user40643 · 03/07/2023 18:10

You cannot legitimately but Melatonin online. It's prescription only.

Show quote history

You can order it for jet lag and fill in a questionnaire to get it authorised for
that.

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