Husband binned my online order

[HopefulBeckie]

I have an 8 month old and have had insomnia for a long time beforehand. Lately my sleep has gotten so bad after my baby had a few weeks of terrible sleep. I think maybe it’s because I got used to waking up so often that I’m constantly on edge even though he is only waking up like once sometimes twice now and goes back to sleep quite quickly.
I’ve constantly got headaches and am struggling to get through a few hours during the day without crying and having bad eye pain (I have had my eyes checked and have a new prescription for glasses).

so I’ve brought some otc sleeping tablets from an online pharmacy. It was a tracked delivery so was delivered today and signed for by my husband. He has hidden or binned them and not said a word to me about it.
Now I understand he is probably mad as I have had mental health issues in the past where I have abused sleeping tablets. But that was a long time ago and I would never do that again as I want nothing more than to be there for my family. Plus I need to tend to my son during the night so I’d only take half a pill just to get me off to sleep when things get really bad.
I literally don’t know what else to do to sleep as I fear I’m gonna get really Ill if I don’t take some sort of action.

Am I being silly?

I was coming on here expecting to tell you your DH is a douche for binning your new shoes, that have just been delivered, because you already have a wardrobe full...

However, I actually think your DH is acting solely out of concern, and understandably so. I think it was poor judgment on your part to even consider ordering sleeping pills after you've abused them in the past.

Forgive my ignorance here, but could you try herbal/natural sleep remedies (assuming these are suitable for someone with a history misusing sleeping aids). I know Nightol have a range of pills and pillow sprays etc. which are really helpful for some.

I do hope you manage to get some help and support as sleep deprivation isn't sustainable and can see from your post how desperate you are. Work with your husband and your gp to overcome this and know you're doing a great job!

You need to let your oh cope with baby does he call for help or is it you? Work out a sleep schedule how old is baby if he can call mama? Have you looked at sleep training?

How did your husband know they were pills - does he open your post?

Thank you

8 months so I’m not 100% sure if he knows what he is saying at this point but a majority of the time when I come into the room he says mama excitedly.
I must admit it’s usually me who comes down. The one time I didn’t do that the screaming went on for a ridiculous amount of time and my husband was kinda upset he struggled so much with him and I felt extremely guilty

Look at Michael Sealey on YouTube. Put a timer on to stop after 30 minutes.

Thanks will give him a try. I do usually listen to sleep stories on a podcast but maybe I’ve gotten too used to the same people

You won't know for sure he's binned them unless you talk to him. I've had companies claim they have delivered parcels when they haven't.

You need to talk honestly with your husband about how you are struggling and seek support from your gp.

not sure you understand what dating an addict does to you. The fear of them being triggered into old behaviours, the fear and dread of finding them dead, the anger and frustration..
the fact you can never forget or trust them again or feel fully secure. If I was you I’d try and be more understanding, remorseful and stay away from the tablets.. the lapses and relapses happen when we think “it’s only” or that we are better.

Utter nonsense! I o/d'd on beta blockers once and I had to ask for some again lately - innocently. Stop generalising you don't even know OP!

Well, yes. If my partner was an alcoholic and I’d found that he’d bought alcohol online, I wouldn’t just bin the stuff and then not mention it. That would be a bizarre and immature thing to do. Id immediately talk to them about why they’d done it. They both need to have a proper conversation.

Go to your gp and explain how you feel and discuss Help with sleep .
also your husband should let you have a bath and head to bed at some point even if it’s day time to catch up on sleep .
what can’t he do that ?
Aldo why is he asleep just now .?

I would speak before binning it, yes.

I also understand as another poster so aptly put it “the desperation of insomnia”. I am also a regular user of OTC sleeping medication. And, maybe like you, hit my breaking point while raising 6 month twins and a 2 year old. After trying everything I could think of (no caffeine, increased exercise, meditation, therapy), my husband got me a hotel room for two nights. I went there, took my otc sleep medication and slept for 18 hours. The next night I slept for 12 hours. For me it served to reset my body and I was able to move forward. There was no stress, no listening for the baby. We had plenty of breast milk frozen for the babies.

@HopefulBeckie

your husband needs to do more so that you’re not so tired you feel you need pills. Really is that simple. And don’t feel guilty if he and/or baby don’t like it so much at first.

Your husband did the right thing.

I completely understand the feeling of not being able to sleep properly because you’ve got one ear out for your baby but sleeping tablets aren’t the answer.

Is your baby BF or formula fed?

I would get your baby to have a bottle if they don’t already and then go to bed really early every night (like 6pm) whilst your DH is looking after the baby so you can get a solid 4-5 hours sleep without worrying.

Then when your DH goes to bed you can take over any night wakings but you’d still have had those few hours sleep and so you should still have your 8 hours every night.

You may feel sad that you’re missing out on your evenings but sleep is so important and I think this needs to be put first.

I suffered hugely from insomnia when my kids were very young. I just could not relax enough to sleep knowing I was going to be woken. It was awful. Things like nytol did help though plus sleep balms you rubbed into your skin. Hope you find something to help....

Maybe she should have spoken to him before ordering them, particularly as it’s been an issue in the past

Your DH needs to step up a bit more, as you are not having enough sleep to keep up with the night feeds, as well as manage your own sleep issues. It's all very well for him to interfere with the Nytol on your behalf, but has he offered to do more? No.

Long-term sleep deprivation is a killer and it must be very hard for you to actually fall asleep, knowing that it will not be long before you are woken again.

You need at least 3 nights a week of uninterrupted sleep. You need to take that Nytol, put in some earplugs, sleep where you cannot be disturbed and let your husband do the night feeds on those nights. It is better for the whole family for you to not be sleep deprived.

Once you're feeling a bit more human, you might have enough energy and clarity to maybe switch up your baby's feeding/sleeping/nappy changing/napping routine and maybe tweaking your own evening routine so he starts sleeping through, or you and the baby get into a complementary routine

i Would have binned your tablets too. It’s really important you take a more rounded approach. Get out daily for an hour come rain or shine. A walk will do you good. Find ways of meeting other new mums and talking about your experience. Importantly chat to your GP, sertraline might be needed to lower your anxiety levels.

Please do not buy medication off line - god only knows what it is! Try the herbal ones to start with whilst you try too get an appointment with your GP. Your husband should have spoken to you not just thrown the meds away - it clear you are struggling maybe he needs to step up and help a bit more at night so you can relax and have a night off sometimes.

Also is there anything else you can do to get the baby in a better routine - as apart from teething sleeping should be a little easier now.

You mention in one of your updates that your baby was sleeping/ napping - take those opportunities to rest / relax / sleep - housework etc can wait. Take care. of yourself x

You need a change of sleep scene just to break the habit, even if you have the baby with you. A hotel, parents friends? Try that first.

Genuine question, has anyone saying speak to a GP had any actual success with insomnia? I've tried multiple times, often in tears due to the lack of sleep and they have been entirely useless, the most help I get is being told to take a nice bath before bed

He's done the right thing I think because they could be anything

I genuinely cannot see the problem of OTC sleeping tablets! They are not addictive and am guessing your previous problem was with prescription sleep medication.
I think your husband had absolutely no right to bin your tablets unless they were prescription online tablets and even then he should have discussed it with you and not treat you like a child.