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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding abroad with a 7mo - AIBU?

102 replies

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 02/07/2023 18:50

This week a close family member has announced that they will be getting married abroad in a years time and wants the whole family to attend. They have managed to get a 2 week all inclusive package for wedding attendees which was cost approx 1500 each.

My issue is that I'm currently pregnant with my first child and finding it difficult to decide whether it's feasible for us to attend with a 6mo - I'm mostly in camp 'no this isn't feasible' but family are making me feel like I'm being dramatic.

Pros: actually not a bad deal price wise for the location, family time, a great adventure with little one, great location, getting to see close family member get married, my parents will be there to help with baby, in a years time so got time to save up money

Cons: 6hr flight with a 7mo, first time parents so have absolutely no idea what to expect, I'll be on half maternity pay by that point and dh is self employed so will cost us extra to accommodate his loss of earnings for the time away, also extra costs as we'll need extra luggage for baby (but no idea at this point how much extra luggage because first time parents) - off the top of my head.

My parents have suggested we consider doing a week instead of 2 which will reduce the amount of time we're off any sort of baby routine, the amount dh is out of work and hopefully reduces the cost of the package (though probably not significantly), but I still feel like it's going to be very stressful with a baby. Getting some serious guilting from family- lots of "only opportunity for us all to get together", "you've got ages to save up" and "only wedding they'll have" sort of thing but I just think it's going to be way too stressful both from a financial and baby perspective. Its also not a short haul destination that we could just come home from if it all starts going wrong (and would cost us even more to rearrange flights back)

AIBU?

(AIBU - it's completely feasible to take a 7mo to a wedding abroad, you're being dramatic
YANBU - you're mad for even considering this)

OP posts:
NatMoz · 02/07/2023 18:54

YABU regarding the baby- they will be fine.

YANBU to consider finances regarding reduced maternity pay and self employed husband.

I think the one week compromise sounds like a good option.

Original poster
JustAnotherOpinion123 · 02/07/2023 18:54

To clarify baby will be likely be somewhere between 6 and 7mo, depending on when it actually arrives. Couldn't decide which to go for hence the inconsistency 🙃

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 02/07/2023 18:55

I actually think it is more doable at 6 months than at 18 months. Especially if you're breastfeeding. Would be harder if bottle feeding.

electriclight · 02/07/2023 18:56

I personally would go. The baby will be fine and it doesn't sound as if it will be financially ruinous. Such family experiences don't come along often. A week sounds like a good compromise.

PaigeMatthews · 02/07/2023 18:57

This week a close family member has announced that they will be getting married abroad in a years time and wants the whole family to attend. They have managed to get a 2 week all inclusive package for wedding attendees which was cost approx 1500 each.

so bloody selfish as well. It isnt a good deal at all. Surely it would normally be about £300 for a couple to atgend a wedding. This is going to cost you £3k plus loss of earnings. Why is their wedding cheap for them? Because they are charging their guests to attend.

Maraudingmarauders · 02/07/2023 18:57

Yabu - plenty of people travel with babies that age or younger with absolutely no issues. Take out travel insurance before you book your tickets so if you need to cancel for health reasons you can etc. But reality is you can add luggage on to your flight tickets at a later date if you haven't got enough. Baby is still at a portable age. You've got family around to help. What do you imagine will go so wrong you have to travel home quickly? Two weeks gives baby enough time to settle into the swing of things.
If its AI you've got two weeks less food and energy costs to worry about and a rotation of baby sitters, plus you can relax and not have to worry about work etc for a bit.
Only you can decide if the cost is manageable but this far ahead I'd imagine you can save up for tickets and to put a bit of money aside for managing costs - but as before, with two weeks your household costs are also lower so its win win.

YallaYallaaa · 02/07/2023 18:58

It’s totally feasible. I’ve done long haul with babies (and lots of medium-haul on my own with babies and toddlers). It’s not the most relaxing way to travel, but it’s fine.

If you don’t want to/ can’t afford it - that’s fine too, but people might see through the baby excuse.

AverageJoan · 02/07/2023 18:58

I think it's definitely feasible to take the baby with you, especially if there are a lot of family members around to help! But all babies are different and there are a lot of unknowns at this point so hard to say whether YABU

HermioneWeasley · 02/07/2023 18:59

Travelling with babies is a PITA. You have to take a buggy and a car seat for transfers. If you’re bottle feeding that’s a whole world of pain with sterilising bottles and changes in water causing tummy upsets. Travel cots provided are really variable - you might not be happy with your baby sleeping in what’s available. Plus £3k (at least) out of your maternity budget (plus getting to airport, transfers, wedding present, etc).

DrCharlotteKing · 02/07/2023 19:03

I wouldn't have gone abroad when dd was a baby and looking back I have no idea why.
She was more portable ( probably the wrong word 😂) then, especially if breastfeeding. She would be in a pram, no need to stress about a toddler near the pool. I say go for it, especially as you'll have family to help.
Only if you can afford it of course.

Morning189t2 · 02/07/2023 19:03

Not a problem to travel. We travelled too the west coast of the us (9hr) for a wedding with a 6 month old. Was amazing. Before he could crawl or move around. Re the finance i cannot advise there. You know if you can afford it

Kugela · 02/07/2023 19:12

If your parents are so keen for you to attend this wedding, have they offered to pay for you?

Original poster
JustAnotherOpinion123 · 02/07/2023 19:29

Kugela · 02/07/2023 19:12

If your parents are so keen for you to attend this wedding, have they offered to pay for you?

No and won't as they will struggle to fund themselves going on their pensions - but their view is "if we can stretch to it, you can too"

OP posts:
ShadowPuppets · 02/07/2023 19:33

You’re not being unreasonable to worry but I think that sounds fine. A year to put money aside, family help and a 6/7mo? Actually sounds lovely. We did my best friends wedding a 2h flight away with a 6 week old and 21 month old. That was… less straightforward 😂 but airlines will generally let you take a pram and car seat free, travel cots are easy to come by in hotels, just don’t bother starting weaning until you’re back. Mine only really got into a routine properly past 6m anyway. The only thing that would worry me is money but if you’ve time to save then I think it would be fine. And you’ll have lots of willing babysitters by the sounds of things 😁 I’d do it!

FloweryName · 02/07/2023 19:33

It’s fine to take a 6/7 month old on a long haul holiday, but that’s a lot of money to find. I think the cost would put me off the most.

TaylorSwifting · 02/07/2023 19:38

Honestly, the best holiday essential for holidaying with a baby…..grandparents!!!!!

I would go and make the most of it, if you can afford two weeks then do as you will have lots of help plus help on the flights both ways.

Original poster
JustAnotherOpinion123 · 02/07/2023 19:39

AverageJoan · 02/07/2023 18:58

I think it's definitely feasible to take the baby with you, especially if there are a lot of family members around to help! But all babies are different and there are a lot of unknowns at this point so hard to say whether YABU

I think the amount of unknowns at this point is whats making it difficult to decide. If baby was already here and we were as sure as could be that there were happy and healthy, I'd likely be leaning towards going but not knowing and needing to commit ASAP is making me indecisive...

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 02/07/2023 19:52

I think you'd be fine to travel with a baby that age. But I'd assume anyone who wanted me to go away for two weeks for their wedding was joking.

FoodFann · 02/07/2023 19:56

6 hour flight, plus travel to airport, plus waiting for flight, etc etc. so 12 hours door to door. And that’s if it all goes well. What if there’s delays? YANBU.

MrsSquirrel · 02/07/2023 19:57

Why do you need to commit now? What would happen if you said we will decide after baby is born?

Theomummy2 · 02/07/2023 19:59

YABU, by the time my eldest was 6 months she’d been on 4 holidays, with many more planned for my maternity leave.

You get extra luggage allowance with babies and at 6 months it will be a breeze to travel.

You’re being ridiculous

gogomoto · 02/07/2023 20:01

Babies travel easily, obviously if you can't afford it that's different but it sounds a great opportunity to travel with many babysitters!!

gogomoto · 02/07/2023 20:03

Oh and my advice is to breastfeed if at all possible and not to wean onto solids until after your trip (finger food maybe ok), mine both went on holiday under 6 months

tulippa · 02/07/2023 20:04

Theomummy2 · 02/07/2023 19:59

YABU, by the time my eldest was 6 months she’d been on 4 holidays, with many more planned for my maternity leave.

You get extra luggage allowance with babies and at 6 months it will be a breeze to travel.

You’re being ridiculous

How lovely for you that you were able to afford that. This wouldn't be realistic for a lot of people though.

Theomummy2 · 02/07/2023 20:06

tulippa · 02/07/2023 20:04

How lovely for you that you were able to afford that. This wouldn't be realistic for a lot of people though.

Show quote history

It’s realistic if people want to do it.

Babies are so easy to travel with, my point still stands, OP is being ridiculous