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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding abroad with a 7mo - AIBU?

102 replies

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 02/07/2023 18:50

This week a close family member has announced that they will be getting married abroad in a years time and wants the whole family to attend. They have managed to get a 2 week all inclusive package for wedding attendees which was cost approx 1500 each.

My issue is that I'm currently pregnant with my first child and finding it difficult to decide whether it's feasible for us to attend with a 6mo - I'm mostly in camp 'no this isn't feasible' but family are making me feel like I'm being dramatic.

Pros: actually not a bad deal price wise for the location, family time, a great adventure with little one, great location, getting to see close family member get married, my parents will be there to help with baby, in a years time so got time to save up money

Cons: 6hr flight with a 7mo, first time parents so have absolutely no idea what to expect, I'll be on half maternity pay by that point and dh is self employed so will cost us extra to accommodate his loss of earnings for the time away, also extra costs as we'll need extra luggage for baby (but no idea at this point how much extra luggage because first time parents) - off the top of my head.

My parents have suggested we consider doing a week instead of 2 which will reduce the amount of time we're off any sort of baby routine, the amount dh is out of work and hopefully reduces the cost of the package (though probably not significantly), but I still feel like it's going to be very stressful with a baby. Getting some serious guilting from family- lots of "only opportunity for us all to get together", "you've got ages to save up" and "only wedding they'll have" sort of thing but I just think it's going to be way too stressful both from a financial and baby perspective. Its also not a short haul destination that we could just come home from if it all starts going wrong (and would cost us even more to rearrange flights back)

AIBU?

(AIBU - it's completely feasible to take a 7mo to a wedding abroad, you're being dramatic
YANBU - you're mad for even considering this)

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 02/07/2023 20:08

Its entirely up to you. No way would any of my DC have been ok on a six hour flight. It would have been my idea of hell.

SnackSizeRaisin · 02/07/2023 20:08

If it was free I would do it. For 2000 probably not. But agree it's hard to commit so far in advance. 7 months is a good age for doing stuff like this, when it's your first.
If you don't want to or can't afford, don't feel bad. It's their fault for marrying abroad

onthefence23 · 02/07/2023 20:09

This would have been fine for me we went on holiday with 8 month old and would be way easier than doing it now with 22 month old Grin

SorryForTheRant · 02/07/2023 20:10

Just in addition to others, formula feeding is also totally doable - I took a 6mo to the US for 2 weeks when still on formula. Won't derail with the ins and outs but if you end up FF and going on the hol start another thread and loads of people will have done it and have advice, it was really easy.

bibbingo · 02/07/2023 20:12

We took our 7mo on holiday abroad for a week and he was the perfect age for it IMO. He could sit up to play but couldn't crawl or walk, he was still napping 3 x a day (in his buggy) and was a good month or so into weaning, so enjoyed having a go at the fruits/veg/bread etc at the hotel buffet while we had our meals.

YANBU to consider whether it's financially viable for you though.

Pippa12 · 02/07/2023 20:15

I travelled with my 6 month old, 5 hour flight. It was a lovely holiday, no problems. I can understand why you’re apprehensive tho being a FTM.

I don’t know why people hate on weddings abroad so much. I love going to destination weddings, attended a few, my own wedding was abroad.

If you want to go, brilliant! Enjoy! If not, don’t succumb to family pressure. But I think you’ll have a blast!

Callyem · 02/07/2023 20:17

If it were my sister, I would do it. Anyone else, I would say no. How close is close relative?

Topictwenty · 02/07/2023 20:18

I think it’s doable with a baby, but, someone expecting guests to have a 2 week holiday in a location of their choosing, at a time of their choosing, with a 6 hour flight, for their wedding?? That’s the ridiculous part, not the op. People can be so self absorbed with their weddings these days. Perhaps people actually want to choose when and where they want to go on their own holiday. This kind of thing drives me mad

Countdownbeginning · 02/07/2023 20:19

Only you know whether you can afford it.
In terms of taking the baby, we have family all over the world and took our children on much longer flights at 6/7 months and 9 months and toddlers etc - and my sister has done longer flights twice a year with twins (from babyhood) on her own. Honestly - flying with babies is easy and much easier than when they're toddlers.
Holidays with babies/children are not holidays wherever you go - they are just living life somewhere else. So - not fun particularly but not very stressful either.
I would factor in your costs and whether or not you really want to go on a holiday that someone else has planned for you and that's really about someone else and their wedding.
But I wouldn't worry too much about having a baby in the mix.

FlounderingFruitcake · 02/07/2023 20:19

It’s a week’s holiday (or 2 weeks) and one day of it is the wedding. All inclusive makes it easy. Sounds like you can afford it. Easy age to fly with too, anything before they’re mobile is breezy. If you breastfeed then you only need nappies and a few baby food pouches. Even formula isn’t exactly difficult, you can order it to the airside Boots. You can take the pram and car seat for free on the plane. It’s a complete non issue. I’d only not go if you really didn’t like the look of the destination and it’s be spending money on a holiday you wouldn’t ever choose to take.

Trounlet · 02/07/2023 20:20

I took a seven week DC to a family wedding in southern Europe, it was the easiest holiday with them we've ever had. Breastfeeding made it very straightforward. But we speak the language, visit the country every year and family live there so we were confident that we could navigate any incidents that might occur.

KarmaStar · 02/07/2023 20:21

In this col crisis basis I would day don't go because of the potential financial loss for your dh but would be normally have a holiday anyway?not knowing his work,but can be keep his clients in board with him having a holiday?
The baby will be fine and just speak to your parents about them taking some baby stuff for you?
What a dilemma!
As always,go with your instincts,trust them,they will never be wrong.

tulippa · 02/07/2023 20:21

Theomummy2 · 02/07/2023 20:06

It’s realistic if people want to do it.

Babies are so easy to travel with, my point still stands, OP is being ridiculous

Show quote history

And if they can afford it. I don't think being able to afford to go on multiple holidays abroad during maternity leave is the norm for a lot of people.

And I think it's understandable for a woman pregnant for the first time to be asking questions and have concerns about this situation.

I agree that going away with lots of family members makes things easier with a baby of this ages. Extra pairs of hands to help are very useful.

meganorks · 02/07/2023 20:22

FYI - re extra charges for baby luggage. I think all airlines allow 2 extra pieces for a baby for free eg pushchair and car seat. So I think you would just need to pay for your 2 flights. Where you are staying should provide highchairs and cot, so you should be OK with just 2 checked bags for you and DH.

ClearConfusion · 02/07/2023 20:22

If you’re not comfortable with taking your baby or with the cost, then you shouldn’t be guilted into attending. If they have planned an overseas wedding at the guests expense, then they should be aware that not everyone can afford or want to spend that amount. They’ll still be just as married, whether you attend or not. There’s no way would I expect my invited guests to have to spend that amount of money. It’s only a wedding, not life or death.

Babyenroute · 02/07/2023 20:25

Baby should be fine, we did an 11 hour flight with ours when he was 4 months and 9 hour one when he was 6 months he was better behaved than some of the passengers. I actually think it would be harder when they are bigger as now that he is 8 months he just wants to be crawling about

Ponderingwindow · 02/07/2023 20:28

the only close family member that I would entertain the idea of this trip for would be a sibling.

you just don’t know what kind of baby you are going to have. Some travel well, some will be extremely difficult.

then you add in the audacity of the couple reaching into your pocket to pay for their wedding. If it is a sibling, I might consider going because missing a siblings wedding is a big deal, but any other family member just send regrets without any guilt.

Homeywomey · 02/07/2023 20:30

We went to a wedding abroad when ours was 6months old (although only a 3 hour flight) and it was fab! 6months ish is probably the easiest age IMO to travel with as they are so portable!

drpet49 · 02/07/2023 20:31

PaigeMatthews · 02/07/2023 18:57

This week a close family member has announced that they will be getting married abroad in a years time and wants the whole family to attend. They have managed to get a 2 week all inclusive package for wedding attendees which was cost approx 1500 each.

so bloody selfish as well. It isnt a good deal at all. Surely it would normally be about £300 for a couple to atgend a wedding. This is going to cost you £3k plus loss of earnings. Why is their wedding cheap for them? Because they are charging their guests to attend.

This. No way would I be spending that or taking a 6 month baby.

WessexWanderer · 02/07/2023 20:31

Do you want to go?
Can you afford it?

If the answer to both those questions is 'yes' then go. The only destination wedding I have been to was when my son was five months old and it was fine.

If the answer is 'no', then your baby provides the perfect excuse.

SofiaAmes · 02/07/2023 20:33

It really depends on where you are going (USA, Africa, Middle East?) and the resources (and weather!) in that location. It also depends on the baby and whether it's an easy baby or a fussy one. Can you buy travel insurance now that will cover any issues if you can't travel for the wedding. I think one week sounds like a great compromise.
I traveled a lot on 11 hour flights with my two as babies and no assistance. My first was an easy baby/toddler, but sick ALL the time so needed to be carried or pushed in a buggy until he was 7 or 8, so I am very familiar with A&E all over the world. My dd was a very fussy baby and toddler and cried a lot. I still managed it and have no regrets (well maybe the one Virgin flight where DS was in my lap and I was pregnant with dd and he vomited ALL over me 1 hour into an 11 hour flight). DS was EBF which made it sooooo much easier. DD was mostly EBF, but with a bottle of supplementary special formula starting at 3 months (that was harder).

Hazelnuttella · 02/07/2023 20:33

My baby was screamy and sicky and colicky (even at 6 months).
I didn’t even like taking him out for a coffee because of how much he screamed, I would never have taken him on a flight, especially not 6 hrs.

Reading things like “babies are easy to travel with” gives me the rage quite honestly. Some babies are, some aren’t.

Of course there’s no way of telling what kind of baby you’re going to get, and I hope you get a contented one!

EggInANest · 02/07/2023 20:36

No problem travelling with a baby that age, as long as your family will be inclusive and supportive and not g out clubbing til all hours every night leaving you alone in the hotel, and all the next morning while they sleep off a hangover.

We took our first to a hot European country at 10 weeks, and a long haul (11 hour flight) family visit at 8 months.

The money is the issue you need to think about, IMO. Would you be going on another holiday if it wasn’t for the wedding? Is it what you would pay for a holiday? Somewhere you would enjoy?

I do wonder at people who expect their wedding to affect guests lives to this extent, effectively dictating when they take time off work, where they holiday and at what budget for that year.

fireflyloo · 02/07/2023 20:43

I'd go 100% but I've travelled abroad with dc since they were 3 months. It's actually easier in many ways to toddlers etc.

Original poster
JustAnotherOpinion123 · 02/07/2023 20:44

MrsSquirrel · 02/07/2023 19:57

Why do you need to commit now? What would happen if you said we will decide after baby is born?

I haven't asked why they need to know ASAP but my guess is that the hotel will need to know how many rooms are needed to confirm the pricing (I am assuming the package they've been offered is dependent on X no of rooms being booked out) but I could be wrong.

OP posts: