Wedding abroad with a 7mo - AIBU?

[JustAnotherOpinion123]

This week a close family member has announced that they will be getting married abroad in a years time and wants the whole family to attend. They have managed to get a 2 week all inclusive package for wedding attendees which was cost approx 1500 each.

My issue is that I'm currently pregnant with my first child and finding it difficult to decide whether it's feasible for us to attend with a 6mo - I'm mostly in camp 'no this isn't feasible' but family are making me feel like I'm being dramatic.

Pros: actually not a bad deal price wise for the location, family time, a great adventure with little one, great location, getting to see close family member get married, my parents will be there to help with baby, in a years time so got time to save up money

Cons: 6hr flight with a 7mo, first time parents so have absolutely no idea what to expect, I'll be on half maternity pay by that point and dh is self employed so will cost us extra to accommodate his loss of earnings for the time away, also extra costs as we'll need extra luggage for baby (but no idea at this point how much extra luggage because first time parents) - off the top of my head.

My parents have suggested we consider doing a week instead of 2 which will reduce the amount of time we're off any sort of baby routine, the amount dh is out of work and hopefully reduces the cost of the package (though probably not significantly), but I still feel like it's going to be very stressful with a baby. Getting some serious guilting from family- lots of "only opportunity for us all to get together", "you've got ages to save up" and "only wedding they'll have" sort of thing but I just think it's going to be way too stressful both from a financial and baby perspective. Its also not a short haul destination that we could just come home from if it all starts going wrong (and would cost us even more to rearrange flights back)

AIBU?

(AIBU - it's completely feasible to take a 7mo to a wedding abroad, you're being dramatic
YANBU - you're mad for even considering this)

Impressed that you managed that during the first 6 months. Being a first time mum, I actually had no idea car seats and pushchairs were free on flights having never needed to look into, so that's a con moved to the pros section.

(Also, lol, if you think these concerns are ridiculous, I'm very glad that I kept my far more trivial worries off of mumsnet 🙃🙃)

What a stupid, sanctimonious post. Of course it’s not ridiculous for a first time mum to be wondering about the logistics of flying 6 hours with a baby! I don’t like flying for 6 hours, never mind with a 6 month old in tow. Also just because it was easy for you, doesn’t mean it’ll be easy for her.

OK, well you cannot possibly commit at this point, because your life is about to change dramatically.

Assuming baby is a perfectly healthy dream, then I can’t see any reason why you couldn’t make this trip work in terms of travelling with baby.

However, I would far rather save money to have more time on maternity leave than spend £3k plus on someone’s wedding. So it would be a firm no from me on the basis of the cost alone.

100% agree with this. I'm surprised there's only been one or two answers like this. My baby was still quite colicky at six months and would have screamed a lot. He was also crawling at six months and was extremely (vocally!) frustrated at any time he was constrained physically like a car seat or highchair, he would not have sat happily on my lap for six hours.

I think expecting anyone to shell out £1500+ to attend your wedding is bullshit. Cheeky fuckery bride and groom zilla-ing in the extreme. The money. The loss of YOUR annual leave. Not your choice of destination. Awful behaviour.

That aside, you're not going to know how easy it will be until nearer the time. It's easy to say 'yes babies can fly long haul at 6months' but that's not your baby those people are talking about. And especially with your first baby, you just don't know.

If you're being pressured and tutted and emotionally blackmailed, they're not thinking of you, and your value to them, the bride and groom, they're thinking of what they want from you. Personally, I don't like to put my loved ones under that pressure.

I went to Florida with a 6 month old. It's definitely feasible. She was great on the flights. The issue is whether you want to.

Thank you everyone for the helpful advice and the reassurance that travelling with a baby may not be as traumatic as expected (the only story I had to base my travel related concerns on was my best friend taking her children camping for the first time and them having to come home 6hrs later because one got severe D&V in the tent 🙃). Particularly grateful for the practical tips around feeding and travel allowances (had no idea you could take a car seat and pushchair for free) which I've not needed to think about before.

Now that you've mostly alleviated my baby related concerns, I'll have a serious think about the finance side of it and make my decision based on that - but also making sure that if we do decide to go, we've got travel insurance in case we do need to cancel based on baby's health, etc. It is a sibling's wedding so I am keen to go but will also talk to him to see if he really needs a firm answer now or whether he can wait until baby arrives in December.

Thanks again!

I think where it is and the time of year weather wise might affect my decision somewhat. I wouldn't want to be taking a baby to some places. (places like Egypta an example - not the only one, are notorious for making many people ill and I wouldn't want to be in a place v where o or the baby were at exceptionally high risk). Also if the location is likely to be very very hot I might think yetis about taking a baby as you might end up spending a lot of time indoors. I say that as a person who has tended to take my children out in the heat more than many would, but every so, places which get hot like turkey in the summer would be too hot, so it would have a bearing if o was making the decision.
Ultimately though, if you don't go, will you look back and regret it and feel you have missed out, that will be the worst thing, will you regret missing a lovely celebration and family holiday? After six months you may feel you need a holiday and will be in the swing of parenting, v it will be about time for a bit of relaxation. Having other peeps to take the baby off your hands might be a blessing in disguise.

That is a good time to go with a baby. Most babies do not crawl until later on. Now when they a crawling that is a different ball game! But still feasible with patience 😄

What is your usual holiday budget?

How much did it cost for your family members to attend your wedding?

Did you pay for your own wedding? How much did it cost?

You don't have to answer.. but just so you can gauge the difference in expectations between yours and theirs...

And things change in personal finances when you are on maternity leave and have a child. £3,000 is a lot of money. Presumably your partner would take some holiday during your maternity so the loss of earnings may not be entirely relevant to the equation.. but maybe it is.. if he were not planning any time off during that time..

The travel itself.... I think it would be OK.. 6 hours on a plane not great but you can hand the baby round the other relatives! Finances is a different question..

I couldn't spend 2 weeks abroad with my family and we get along fine. Imagine everyone all in close quarters for that length of time, all wanting to help and give their opinion on how you parent (sorry that's probably just me projecting).

On a more serious note, maternity pay is dire and you might find that the £3000+ you spend on attending someone else's wedding could come in handy if, for example, there is an issue with your car, the boiler goes, the cost of living creeps up even more, or you just fancy a trip away somewhere of your own choosing.

She isn’t wondering about logistics

she has made a silly assumption based on her friends going camping for Christ’s sake.

It’s like me posting ‘AIBU to not want to take my child to the zoo because a friends child died on Safari in South Africa’

surely you research things before doing or not doing them though?

I had no idea either until I googled it as a pregnant lady booking her first few trips with baby.

I mean, it’s not is it. Her child might get motion sick or be colicky. It’s not even slightly silly to not want to commit to flying 6 hours with a 6 month old before the child is even born. I have no idea why you’re being so dismissive.

What changes once they’re born? Babies can be very different at 1 month than 6.

It’s incredibly silly.

Cost and inconvenience, usually.

I think it sounds feasible though not necessarily enjoyable

if the money is a stretch i think the fact you will be on mat pay is an easy get-out.

We took baby abroad 5h flight at 5 months and I then also took baby abroad myself (5h flight) at 6 months. People make such a drama of taking baby places. It’s just looking after your baby in a different country… not that complicated and not that hard… we had no extra luggage for baby just our own luggage allowances. But appreciate if it’s 2 weeks you might need another bag.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all if you decide not to go - you have no idea what kind of baby you'll get and if they are challenging it will be REALLY hard work - although you will have lots of help I guess? But what I'm saying is it's your choice completely and I don't think you should feel bad if you say no.

However if you get on with your family and you think you'd miss out on special times, I tend to say go for it! The hardest parts will be getting there and back - are you all going on the same flight? Because that would be a massive help in terms of looking after baby. I think you could make it work and unless you are truly dreading the idea - be brave and give it a go! It might actually be a good test for how you and your DH could cope with holidays with baby in the future

*It’s realistic if people want to do it.

Babies are so easy to travel with, my point still stands, OP is being ridiculous*

I'd love to do it, thank you. Do you have 10k to lend me for the 4 holidays?

I undoubtedly would have found this out for myself nearer the time, but given that I found out this week and am not at the point of booking anything since I've not decided if I'm going, and given that that element alone is not going to sway my decision, its not really that ridiculous that I didn't know...

Travelling with a 6 month old baby is fine IF finances allow given you'll be on mat leave.

As an aside, I think it's selfish of your sibling to get married abroad knowing your parents will struggle to pay to attend. Everyone can do what they want yadda yadda yadda but seriously it's not cool.

Travelling with babies is straightforward and there will be two whole adults plus assorted family members to care for them. The cost would have been the main issue for us at that stage but if it were a sibling or other very close relative I am sure we would have gone.

You will be fine and a little holiday might be exactly what you need after the first six months with baby! I went to a wedding in south america when kids were 2years and 6months old and it was just wonderful. The flight was long, but baby was definitely easier than the toddler!
My whole family was there and while most of the work was obviously DH an me, they all loved to carry baby around or take her for a walk in the pram while DH and i got to lay in the sun or go for a swim!
Lots of people holiday with kids that small, its really not as stressful as people always say on here.

Yanbu to wonder if this will be right for you given your a first time parent and so much is unknown.

You don't know what / how you will feel or how you will change

My colleague had taken shared parental leave as requested by his partner as they were going to go on a big holiday down under again requested by her. All booked and paid for .... baby arrives and it's a no go from his partner.

She juts couldn't fathom it. She changed no one saw it least of all her.

Just say will see when baby arrives as its so much ££ for you