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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crop top for 9 year old?

61 replies

user1469094475 · 02/07/2023 11:47

I bought my daughter some crop tops recently to wear under her clothes. They're brightly coloured with wide straps and don't remotely resemble a bra, IMO. She's coming to the end of Year 4 and has recently had lessons on puberty in school.

I've heard through my daughter that her father (we're separated) thinks she's far too young and that crop tops are unnecessary and inappropriate. He's letting her wear them anyway but he's been commenting negatively about it.

Today I spoke to him about it to explain that IMO, this is precisely the correct age for crop tops (if she wants to wear them - she doesn't have to). He said it should not be until secondary school, when she is developing. IMO that's far too late as the whole point is to normalise the idea of growing up and to prepare her for wearing bras. When she's developing, she'll need bras, not just crop tops.

He didn't seem to agree but just said he'll let her wear them 'because you say so'. I asked him not to make disparaging comments because it's making a big deal about something that is simply an age appropriate item of clothing, not much different than out 6 year old preferring to wear trunks now rather than briefs.

AIBU?

OP posts:
delusionsofadequacy · 02/07/2023 12:11

My boobs are reasonably large, I only ever wear a bra for sport. I wear a crop top for work because it’s not socially acceptable to not have them loose in a professional environment but I don’t wear either if I’m at home. You build up back strength and muscles

WunWun · 02/07/2023 12:14

My boobs are small and I can't run at all or walk up and down the stairs without them hurting if I'm not in a bra. Even in a normal bra I have to hold them to run. It's nothing to do with back strength, the actual boobs themselves hurt. Some people's boobs are more painful than others.

Before anyone says it - it's totally normal. I've also had two mammograms recently. There is nothing wrong with my boobs.

ActDottie · 02/07/2023 12:15

Crop tops are ideal for this age!

DollyTheFluffyOne · 02/07/2023 12:17

user1469094475 · 02/07/2023 12:09

No, just as underwear or occasionally nightwear in the hot weather.

Show quote history

Maybe he is hating seeing his daughter growing up and trying to keep her a little girl?

Mummytothearkbuilder · 02/07/2023 12:25

My daughter is 9, coming to the end of year 4 also and wears one everyday. I can already see where she is developing. She helps choose them etc and understand she is being to grow up and change - I don't see anywhere you are being unreasonable! X

CoodleMoodle · 02/07/2023 12:29

My 9yo wanted to start wearing them last year, so we bought some cheap pretty ones from Primark (some white, some colourful). She doesn't wear them every day but if she wants to then they're there. She also still wears a vest if it's cold enough. So do I!

If your DD wants to wear crop tops, then I really don't see the issue.

filka · 02/07/2023 12:32

EXH is going to get a bit of a shock when she's 17-18 and still wearing crop tops😮

35965a · 02/07/2023 12:33

Yikes, he really thinks girls don’t develop before secondary school? He needs a biology lesson. It’s up to your DD what she wears. Crop tops are just short vests anyway.

Mariposista · 02/07/2023 12:41

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 02/07/2023 11:55

We all wore crop tops at that age 30 years ago.

This! We started getting more body aware and it was a way of feeling a bit more covered up. As long as she is comfortable in them, where's the issue?
Some kids and teenagers wear crop tops without anything over them! and I in my mid 30s wear one in the gym! Nothing sexual about them.

BoohooWoohoo · 02/07/2023 13:02

CindersAgain · 02/07/2023 11:54

They don’t keep you very warm through, so what’s the point?

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It's not about keeping warm. PE is communal changing and if everyone else is wearing a crop top and not a vest then I understand why a girl might want to wear a crop top like her peers too.

My dd starting wearing one when she noticed others at school doing the same.

Icannoteven · 02/07/2023 13:14

He is being weird. He needs to stop equating puberty/ normal development with sexualisation.

I bought bra tops for my 9 and a half year old recently because she was getting sore nipples. On closer inspection we realised she was starting to get breast buds. It is perfectly normal to get breast soreness and the start of breast development at this age - even younger for some races apparently!

I found out that girls breasts are beginning to develop 2 years earlier than when I was her age (mid 90’s).

It wouldn’t be surprising that your partner is a bit ignorant about normal breast development though, lots of us are not well educated on this.
completely off point - When reading about breast development I learned something else I had never been told. Apparently, the last stage of development, which takes place at 35, is the degeneration of the milk ducts. This surprises me because we have so many older mothers now and people are always talking about the low breast feeding rates and no-one is talking about this?

10HailMarys · 02/07/2023 13:17

I needed an actual bra at age 10-11 and probably would have appreciated a crop top phase before that.

I think crop tops at 9 are perfectly acceptable, and not really sexualising at all.

10HailMarys · 02/07/2023 13:28

Maybe for sport but the idea that anyone has to wear a bra at any other time is not really true.

Er… speak for yourself. All women are not the same as you.

If I went for a walk or did household tasks like cleaning or gardening without a bra on I’d be in physical discomfort. A few years ago I was in hospital for surgery on my arm and I went to the hospital shop in my pyjamas and dressing gown with no bra on and coming up a flight of stairs was so uncomfortable that I had to hold my good arm around my chest to keep my boobs in place. And it would have been even worse if it was the week before my period.

CindersAgain · 02/07/2023 14:27

BoohooWoohoo · 02/07/2023 13:02

It's not about keeping warm. PE is communal changing and if everyone else is wearing a crop top and not a vest then I understand why a girl might want to wear a crop top like her peers too.

My dd starting wearing one when she noticed others at school doing the same.

Show quote history

I was just picking up on the ‘same as age two’.

Catsanfan · 02/07/2023 14:48

I bought some for mine when they started getting breast buds, YADNBU

Mum1976Mum · 02/07/2023 14:51

My DD had breast buds at 9 and a crop top was comfier. She has small actually boobs now in year 6 but is still in crop tops. We will make the move to sports bras in year 7. I can’t understand parents who have strict rules over children’s clothes. Give them a choice - offer vests and crop tops then she chooses. Both are appreciate at her age.

alwaysmovingforwards · 02/07/2023 19:04

OP, if you're effective co parents, and nothing suggests you're not, it would be good to have the chat with your ex and about things you / he will lead on.

As a woman you've far more firsthand understanding of a growing dd's needs than her dad will have.

I get that single parents have to do it all, but I do think if both parents are in the mix it makes sense for mums / dads to take the lead on specific topics based on an innate understanding.

Just imo. It's what me and my ex did anyway. It takes trust and belief in each other though.

CurlewKate · 03/07/2023 10:34

I think a girl should have crop tops if she wants them. But, unless a 9 year old has started to develop (some have) the idea of giving her crop tops to "normalise wearing a bra" is bonkers.

mogtheexcellent · 03/07/2023 10:38

Its the right age. Dd is nearly 9 and has been wearing them for a year now. I thought i was starting early (and only beacuse she is conscious of her pectus chest) but about half the girls in her class were wearing them.

On cold days she still uses a long vest and on hot summer days she often goes without.

Diddykong · 03/07/2023 10:43

This is so important. My DM demonized crop tops. I was the odd one out and it made me feel like developing in itself was a bad thing, it needed to be hushed up etc. I went on to get a bra too late, be bullied for hairy legs because I wasn't allowed to shave and have a miserable time with periods. Trying to pretend all these developmental things won't happen is ridiculous and I think 9 is a great age to normalize discussions about bodies changing and if crop tops help this and make your dd feel excited rather than apprehensive about changes then go for it.

PinkDaffodil2 · 03/07/2023 10:44

I started wearing them about that age. I remember a lot of girls were starting to develop by age 8/9. I wasn’t at all but felt more comfortable wearing a crop top because everyone else did. I think I just wanted to look the same as everyone else and didn’t want to draw attention to what was or wasn’t there.
I ended up being quite a late developer so didn’t really ‘need’ them for a good few years but definitely felt more comfortable being the same as my peers.

SoupDragon · 03/07/2023 10:48

I got DD some when she asked for them. Probably Y4/5 I think. She wasn't comfortable getting changed for PE and her friends were starting to wear them.

Her father shouldn't be making negative comments about them.

I think the "getting used to wearing a bra" argument is a bit odd though.

cocksstrideintheevening · 03/07/2023 10:49

DTs started wearing them tail end of y4, nothing to do with developing but it was communal changing in PE and they were self conscious and by that age none of them were wearing vests as too babyish.

TwoShades1 · 03/07/2023 11:01

Seems perfectly sensible. Maybe a touch early if she isn’t developing yet. But she may still want to wear them to fit in with friends. Or just as another layer incase tops ride up or she’s worried about visible nipples.

FeedMeTiramisu · 03/07/2023 11:06

My 10 year old wears them.

She has started developing breast buds and normal vests rub against her and she finds it painful and uncomfortable. Crop tops are more secure and as she puts it 'keep still' which minimise the tenderness.