Prison visit TikToks

[Emptychairdoasolo]

One video popped up a week or so ago and I watched it so now my feed is inundated with these videos. Young girls and women making videos like ‘get ready with me to visit my boyfriend’ ‘spend the day with me visiting my baby’ which was in fact their partner.

I absolutely do not begrudge men in prison having visits and I actually have very strong feelings about rehabilitation and safety in prisons, quality of life etc but AIBU to think this is just glamourising it?

For the younger girls and women 18-24 that I see, can use common sense and assume that the types of crimes their partners of the same age would be committing are assault, drug possession/dealing, drink driving. Hardly victimless crimes and it doesn’t sit right with me that they are putting that online for others to consume the videos and make a cutesy video out of it.

It makes me desperately sad reading the comments and so many people saying it’s their situation too and it’s girls so early into their adult life in relationships with these men.

It's difficult.

Prisoners actually fair better in some situations with social and family support. Their rehabilitation can be more positive. The risk of re-offending can be reduced. Hence why prisons do work hard on creating/maintaining positive social and family ties, it benefits society as a whole.

However, there are some prisoners who use fear, power and Domestic Abuse to entrap a partner. HMPPS try and intervene when this is apparent, but sometimes you end up pushing them closer together than separating them, especially when the perp uses his "charm" to convince the victim that "the system" is against them.

There is also the issue of culture and religion, especially when divorce is frowned upon, not allowed. These women simply can not leave their encarcareted husbands and some simply don't want to as they will also have strong beliefs of culture and religion.

I agree, it does somewhat glamorise this lifestyle, but at the end of the day they are all adults with capacity, so hands are tied.

You just know eventually some of these women will be found guilty at some point of "joint enterprise" but some lessons just have to be learnt the hard way sadly.

People will love who they want to love, and in cases where risk is not an issue, you just have to let it be.

You call others naive, who work in a prison. What experience, aside from news reports, do you have of prisoners?

These videos should be banned. These women are indirectly making money from crime.

Well that person it ended up was talking about her co-workers in prison and not the prisoners.

Have you worked with prisoners?

Eh read the post she was talking about her co-workers.

No I haven't and I have no inclination too.

Honestly, some prisoners are nice people.

You can see how they ended up there, a truly traumatic, violent and abusive childhood, significant mental health issues, substance misuse, neurodiversity or and learning difficulties and much more.

Some have all of the above, some have a couple.

But when you talk to them, actually talk to them, they are polite, respectful, they display true empathy, sympathy and caring attitudes. They have a real want to better themselves, to rehabilitate, never return, never harm anyone again or make anyone a victim.

They know they have done wrong and are now serving their time, but they want a better life, they want to contribute to society in a positive way after their custodial is served.

You've probably in your lifetime run into a stranger on the street or serving you in a shop/hospitality setting. Had a little chat and walked away thinking "ah they were nice" one of them could have been an ex-offender who once served time in a HMP.

Life is a strange old journey sometimes.

Then your repeating of their being scum is unfounded. It's also ignorant.

Years ago I dated a guy who suddenly disappeared and his family informed me he'd been sent to jail for a crime he'd committed some time ago from when I met him (2-3 years I think 🤔) he was hoping he wouldn't get time inside so hadn't told me about it

He was miles away from the character I knew to match up the crime with him and it wasn't violent so I decided to go visit and continue since it was a fairly short sentence

Probably loads of that and these days people just seem to post tik toks of them taking a shit, wiping their arse, picking their nose, popping a pimple

Oh so rapists, murderers child abusers, drug dealers etc aren't scum just misunderstood? Or do you not mean them criminals.

Guess what I'm allowed to have opinions on criminals who have been convicted in a court of law, whether I have associated with them or not.

@Againstmachine I gave you an example of someone who was convicted of murder, you did agree they were not scum.
You are as I've already said just looking at everything in black and white, and that is very rarely the case. Most people aren't just bad, but a combination of shitty upbringing, abuse, neglect, drug abuse etc... often lead to the decisions these people make. Surely you understand that? For a lot of these people the odds were stacked against them from birth, they never stood a chance.
I knew another boy who was in prison for drug dealing he got sent there at 14, in your eyes he is scum, in mine he was a child that was exposed to drugs, abuse and neglect from birth he received beatings from mums boyfriend when he didn't sell mums boyfriends drugs, until he was eventually caught at 14 and sent to YOI for 4 years.
Or the man who had cigarettes stubbed out on him from the age of 3, was forced to perform sexual acts on grown men at the age of 9+ in what world was he ever going to grow up to be a reasonably adjusted adult?
As a PP said, behind most of these people in prison is a story, a fucking horrifying, harrowing story, and it's very rare that crimes are committed by people who just want to commit crimes.

I think it's a pretty deep subject tbh.

I know plenty of good men who would possibly end up in jail if somebody, for instance, sexually abused their daughter and they got their hands on the perpetrator.

There have also been men who have gone to jail for putting their beloved partner out of her misery after lots of suffering/terminal illness and the NHS refusing to allow her to go with dignity (admittedly probs not this age group).

Then there's men's vastly greater strength which means that despite women being more likely to physically lash out they don't tend to get into the same trouble because they're not strong enough to break jaws/fracture cheekbones etc like men are.

I know a fair few examples working in the building sector and encountering a lot of young working class lads. One guy I know used to sell weed. He was on a not particularly great salary with three kids and a partner that refused to work. He said he struggled to stay afloat without the extra income.

Also had a driver's mate who was in his early 20s. Unlike a lot of the other young lads he always turned up on time and always worked damn hard. Never moaned about having to stop out and do extra work etc. Lovely guy who didn't seem to have a vindictive bone in his body (maybe not the sharpest tool in the box without being nasty) but he defo had a bit of a temper if somebody was unjustly rude to him.

After a few months of working together he mentioned that he had a criminal record for GBH and hadn't thought he'd ever be able to get a job easily. Apparently, he'd been out for his sister's friend's bday and an older lad (mid/late 20s and much physically bigger than him) had grabbed his sister's bum and given it a real squeeze in front of everyone. He said the guy and his mates were being generally lairy all night and he'd seen them sniffing coke in the toilets. His sister was in tears and the guy was laughing with his mates and saying "what you gonna do, little boy". He just lost it and thwacked the guy round the head with the bottle he was holding.

Not the best way of dealing with it of course but he wasn't looking for a fight, he was standing up for his sister and would've been very unlikely to have initiated a situation of his own accord. I didn't think he was a bad guy tbh. He often went out of his way to help other people, including coming over in his pickup truck and helping me when I was moving house.

The educational gap is ever widening and men get much less focus/support despite generally having much worse mental health as a group, so I don't find it surprising that a fair few go off the rails.

Tbh, though, I've probs got a fairly unconventional view. I was a bid manager before moving into construction and spent a brief stint at a medium sized law firm.

I'll take a rough edged but friendly bloke over a rich pompous old pig any day. The first might well give you a black eye if you slapped his gf's bum but I find this much less offensive than the sexist old guys I worked with who knew how to play the game and would never end up in jail but seemed to think that all women were there to make them coffees and cater to their great importance.

I'm a volunteer Appropriate Adult for young people who are arrested with no parent/carer available to be with them while they are interviewed/processed. Most are county lines drug dealers who have been coerced, trapped by debt and/or trafficked by some seriously scary adults. We are taking about 12/13/14 yr old kids who are missing from home and education and no-one is really looking for them. I don't doubt some will end up in prison, but not through choice.

@Againstmachine you sound so so ignorant.

That's my father you're calling vile scum. He was a great dad and a lovely person. He did some bad things and was punished. What is your problem?

I've problem people glorifying criminals, even you are with your username.

He did some bad things but was a lovely person righty ho, n ver mind his victims.

But nobody is saying "never mind the victims" if anything the victims are at the core and centre of rehabilitation. And offenders who are prisoners and truly rehabilitated really do understand the impact their offending has had on their victims, because no crime is victimless.

But what some of us are trying to explain, is that offending behaviour is complex and multifaceted, and nice people can most definitely commit crimes, but that does not make them "scum". Does it make them an offender, yes. Does it make them a prisoner, yes (if they receive a custodial sentence).

But at the end of the day, they are human beings, and whilst nothing truly excuses or negates their crimes (except for cases when they are not fit to stand trial) . The impact that has had on victims is important, but offenders are people too, and labels such as "scum" is not justified.

Not glorifying anything just being factual and if you check my previous posts that used this name you'll see why I chose it.
It really isn't as simple as you make out you know. Unlike many people in prison my father was literate, thoughtful and had no issues with drink or drugs. He was a good father. However uncomfortable or distasteful you may find that view I have no other because that's the person I knew. Growing up I was protected from much of what he did and had little knowledge of his criminal activities. I was a child who loved her dad.
And before you start I also know what its like to be a victim because his killer only got four years.
I think you need to look at the world less starkly because things are rarely as clear cut as you believe them to be.

Big reach. There are good people that have made bad decisions that are in prison. There are people who are truly awful but there are also some good people who have broken the law

Are you there @Againstmachine ?
No reply?
No observations or comments you'd like to make?

You do like sensationalism, don't you?

@Againstmachine you are not coming across very well at all.

Start your own thread about your issue maybe, it's clear you want to turn this thread into a thread about victims! Start one then?

For a start I was sleeping and I don't answer to you.

You also state that your dad was a good dad but he commited crimes so that's plural, commuting crimes is a choice, he may have been a good dad, I'm sure many criminals are doesn't stop them being scum to others.

If you want to be thread police please start your own thread too.

@Againstmachine haha! NO