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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being consistently left on read for days on WhatsApp

124 replies

Mummy2022FT · 01/07/2023 11:27

Some people are notorious for doing this.

They will just unapologetically ignore your message while posting selfies on social media knowing full well you can see.

I have my moments sometimes, as does everyone I think, although I'm certainly not a repeat offender.

Let me give an example, (reason for the thread);

My friend and I got pregnant together (unplanned) we attend the same mother and baby class. I will text her "Hi, are you going to class tomorrow?" Something like that. Or, on the rare occasion she'll text me something similar. I'll reply within reasonable time and then.. .. you guessed it...

No reply. For days.

Sometimes not at all and then I'll see her at the next baby group and she'll be grinning like a Cheshire Cat like nothings happened BUT the whole time she's out and about, posting selfies on social media etc.

It really offends me and kind of irritates me too. (I would never be irritated or offended by this if it were a one off but it happens consistently with this person)

Maybe I should just stop texting her. Even though she's sweet in person. Which Is why I'm confused.

Lastly, not to sound controversial, I understand something a lot of people say to this is "they're busy" or "you don't know what's going on in their head". It's a tricky one. Because I get that. But come on......

OP posts:
MintyBinty · 01/07/2023 11:31

Some people are just shite at replying to texts. As annoying as it can be, you are wasting energy getting upset about it.

If it bothers you this much, save your time and energy for people who reply in the timeframe that you find acceptable.

Blondey2023 · 01/07/2023 11:32

If it happened to me I'd call people out on it and say why didn't you reply to my message. If it is to make plans it is rude to not reply.

Raquelos · 01/07/2023 11:32

Everyone doesn't use every comms channel in the same way, just call her if it's that important (and ask her why she hasn't bloody responded to your message if it is bugging you so much).

Createausername1970 · 01/07/2023 11:32

If doing something makes you feel bad about yourself, then don't do it. Why bother messaging her if she doesn't reply?

I have had friendships fizzle out after I stopped doing the running, but then they weren't really friendships in that case.

Stop bothering with her.

Thisisthedawningoftheageofaquarius · 01/07/2023 11:33

You haven’t turned on voting but I don’t think there is a timeframe people have to reply by?
and if she knows she’s gonna see you at the group cos ye go anyway maybe she doesn’t feel the need to reply?
i also don’t think someone has to reply to every WA before they post on SM….
YABU I think sorry

ShirleyPhallus · 01/07/2023 11:34

People are just busier and don’t see this in the same priority as you. The worst thing about mobile phones is the expectation that you should be contactable at every moment.

If you ask her if she’s at the class and then she is… well there’s your answer, doesn’t really matter does it?

ChineseFakeaway · 01/07/2023 11:34

I’m really shit for this, though I do at least have the self-awareness to apologise when I see people. It turns out I have ADHD…

I’m not saying all rude behaviour requires a diagnosis! Just that people’s brains really do work differently, and it could also be that she doesn’t see it as as much of a thing as you do.

ontheplayground · 01/07/2023 11:35

This is why I read my Whatsapp messages via the notification bar at the top.

CantBeArsedOrAsked · 01/07/2023 11:36

Why do you need to know if she's going to class?

PineappleLatte · 01/07/2023 11:36

So she texts you “are you going to the class tomorrow”

you reply “yes I am”

what more needs to be said by her?! She asked a question, got an answer.

Mrsjayy · 01/07/2023 11:36

I would message her under any status she puts up on SM catch her attention.

CaputDraconis · 01/07/2023 11:37

My best friend is terrible for this.

She uses one of them apps to log every single second of her babies life so her phone isn't out of her hand, but she doesn't reply for days.

Even if she instigates the message thread I reply she then won't reply again for 3 or 4 days.

It's infuriating

Original poster
Mummy2022FT · 01/07/2023 11:39

Sometimes I will get a text from someone and I'm like blahhhh can't really be bothered/don't want to reply to that, I think everyone here knows what I'm talking about, so I get it.

HOWEVER, I think it also depends on the nature of the message. I was asking my friend if she was going to meet me as usual for our baby class as we would usually grab a hot drink before, I mean things like this.

This type of thing just has to be plain rudeness surely...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy2022FT · 01/07/2023 11:41

CantBeArsedOrAsked · 01/07/2023 11:36

Why do you need to know if she's going to class?

@CantBeArsedOrAsked

This was just an example of a scenario. It has been other things about other topics. That's my point really, it's literally anything.

OP posts:
AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 01/07/2023 11:42

People aren’t obliged to reply to you on social media, especially about trivial things like whether you’re attending a class or not.

Fair enough, that’s unacceptable if you’ve arranged a firm plan together and then they ghost you and don’t show up, but that’s not what you describe in the OP.

It’s daft to take it so personally. I’d even say it’s quite entitled to think you have a right to a reply to a message on social media - people can choose to devote their time to whatever they want, whether that’s posting selfies, in person friendships or anything else. If you don’t like what she chooses for herself and her time, find a new friend who suits you better.

Original poster
Mummy2022FT · 01/07/2023 11:42

CaputDraconis · 01/07/2023 11:37

My best friend is terrible for this.

She uses one of them apps to log every single second of her babies life so her phone isn't out of her hand, but she doesn't reply for days.

Even if she instigates the message thread I reply she then won't reply again for 3 or 4 days.

It's infuriating

@CaputDraconis

I'm glad you can relate!! It's bloody infuriating you're right.

And ironic because when I'm with her, like most of us, her phone never leaves her hand!

OP posts:
Assignedtoworryyourmother · 01/07/2023 11:47

I currently have 26 unread what's app messages. Sometimes when I have lots I just delete them rather than reading them. I have no interest in a conversation with people, if I did I'd call them and having to reply to tedious messages pisses me off. My friends know to send me a text rather than a what's app - the very nature of demanding people checking up on me means I dig my heels in and refuse to reply.

PineappleLatte · 01/07/2023 11:47

Mummy2022FT · 01/07/2023 11:41

@CantBeArsedOrAsked

This was just an example of a scenario. It has been other things about other topics. That's my point really, it's literally anything.

Show quote history

It sounds like you are the person she can’t be bothered/doesn’t want to reply to. Needy people can be a drain.

Original poster
Mummy2022FT · 01/07/2023 11:49

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 01/07/2023 11:42

People aren’t obliged to reply to you on social media, especially about trivial things like whether you’re attending a class or not.

Fair enough, that’s unacceptable if you’ve arranged a firm plan together and then they ghost you and don’t show up, but that’s not what you describe in the OP.

It’s daft to take it so personally. I’d even say it’s quite entitled to think you have a right to a reply to a message on social media - people can choose to devote their time to whatever they want, whether that’s posting selfies, in person friendships or anything else. If you don’t like what she chooses for herself and her time, find a new friend who suits you better.

@AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie

I expected some might have an opinion like this (not meant in a patronising way at all)

If I'm being brutally honest here, would you say me expecting the bare minimum of a simple reply to a WhatsApp text an entitlement? (Not in a rude way a genuine question!)

A lot of people say no one 'has' to reply. True. But I mean, she's my friend? I wouldn't ignore one of my friends for 5+ days?

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 01/07/2023 11:51

It definitely seems like she isn't who you need/ want her to be so drop her. She's a waste of your mental energy. Unless you think there might be something else going on for her in the background, always worth consideration.

EastCoastRye · 01/07/2023 11:53

Oh this is me- I see the message and think I’ll reply shortly (as am in the middle of something) and then forget. Just send a chaser if it’s something you need a response to- it’s probably not personal.

Original poster
Mummy2022FT · 01/07/2023 11:53

@PineappleLatte

It sounds like you are the person she can’t be bothered/doesn’t want to reply to. Needy people can be a drain.

Im aware that me as the OP has to make room for the fact that only assumptions can be made from a paragraph on a thread that I've subsequently made.

But no, I'm not needy (well, definitely not towards her anyway! Maybe if I asked my ex that question he'd answer differently... lol)

OP posts:
Irequireausername · 01/07/2023 11:56

This is going to sound bad but if I like someone a lot, i'll reply to them straight away and if I don't, I leave them on read because i'm not that interested and cba.

justasoul · 01/07/2023 11:57

This is why turned off my ‘read’ status on WhatsApp. I am great at reading messages, thinking “I’ll reply to that later” and forgetting for 45 days, by which time I’m too embarrassed to go back… Blush

quitefranklyabsurd · 01/07/2023 11:57

Turn your blue ticks off! Best thing I ever did.