Being consistently left on read for days on WhatsApp

[Mummy2022FT]

Some people are notorious for doing this.

They will just unapologetically ignore your message while posting selfies on social media knowing full well you can see.

I have my moments sometimes, as does everyone I think, although I'm certainly not a repeat offender.

Let me give an example, (reason for the thread);

My friend and I got pregnant together (unplanned) we attend the same mother and baby class. I will text her "Hi, are you going to class tomorrow?" Something like that. Or, on the rare occasion she'll text me something similar. I'll reply within reasonable time and then.. .. you guessed it...

No reply. For days.

Sometimes not at all and then I'll see her at the next baby group and she'll be grinning like a Cheshire Cat like nothings happened BUT the whole time she's out and about, posting selfies on social media etc.

It really offends me and kind of irritates me too. (I would never be irritated or offended by this if it were a one off but it happens consistently with this person)

Maybe I should just stop texting her. Even though she's sweet in person. Which Is why I'm confused.

Lastly, not to sound controversial, I understand something a lot of people say to this is "they're busy" or "you don't know what's going on in their head". It's a tricky one. Because I get that. But come on......

This is way more condescending and irritating than any of the replies you're criticising, just saying

Agreed.

I agree. I don’t get it either

Truth this is what it boils down to. I have one friend who is a terrible txter and will return your call the next day I've known her years though so I dont take her personally.

What strikes me in OP is that you've texted this woman and you see her at baby groups. Do not txt this woman again this what you are describing is one sided! Leave her to it. It's bad manners I know many will say there's no time limit but I do feel some people are just rude.

@RoomOfRequirement

Im aware of this now

@BlackberrySky I agree, my thoughts exactly.

@BubziOwl

Thanks for your comment.

This wasn't intentional. I think despite making this thread for a different perspective, of course I had my own opinion beforehand so I guess naturally I was drawn to the ones that matched mine.

Of course she is by no means a horrible person. Far from. I guess a have a strong dislike for bad manners, and i personally think this falls into that category,
however petty that may sound!

I think if someone sends you a message it's the same as talking to you. I wouldn't purposely ignore someone if they spoke to me irl because it's rude, so I don't do it On WhatsApp or messenger either. I answer as soon as I can.

My emails are constantly ignored.
Professionally. By people paid to work with me.
Including colleagues who say how much they like me, like my work, like working together.
I may nag & nag send polite reminders... still to be ignored.

I can't worked up over informal comms being ignored.
Just find a channel they can't ignore.
I hugely envy people who are so privileged that they are astonished & outraged to be ignored.

She's just not that into you? I'd take the hint and back off, sorry that's not what you might want to hear

God I'm awful for replying to messages. I hate it, literally can rarely be bothered to.

You know, when you have work and family and children much as you enjoy spending time with them they are bottom of the obligation pile. Surely friends are friends partly because they aren't demanding of your time in the way that other people are. A friend is someone who still is happy to see you even if they've not heard from you for ages. Couldn't be doing with a friend who acts like a jealous lover becagse you don't reply to a whatsapp message. Does it really make any difference to your plans if your friend forgets to reply to your message about going to a regular baby class? If not then just enjoy the time you see her and don't worry if she doesn't respond for a few days. Maybe she's overwhelmed with children and parents and work and trusts in your friendship to survive these minor slights.

It's not the same thing though is it 😂 People don't randomly turn up to my house to ask me what I'm planning next week, and if they did i would be pretty stressed about it to be honest. That's what expecting quick replies feels like to me.

How is it the same thing?

@cinnamonfrenchtoast
How is it the same thing?

Because they have made the effort to contact you. Just my opinion.

Also, not saying I always answer immediately, but I do reply as soon as I'm able.

I guess we're all different, but I would feel very pressured if someone expected me to reply to messages as "soon as I was able".

I cannot abide social media/messaging small talk. I have a friend who messages me to say ‘did you have a nice night/walk/bath/dinner’ or whatever I’ve done pretty much every day and it drives me stir crazy. It’s such a waste of my time to reply - the answer is only ‘yes’ or ‘no’. And it’s so entitled to think you deserve her response within a time frame that suits you.

THIS IS WHATSAPP IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE - all that tracking of ticks and "being left on read"

Ffs. Turn off the function or use text!

Yes, I tend to agree. Just because it’s possible to message me at any time about anything doesn’t create an obligation for me to reply or engage, and it’s unreasonable to think you can create that obligation IMO. And you certainly don’t have the right to criticise me for posting elsewhere ahead of responding to an unsolicited WhatsApp.

Sure, I’d usually reply to direct question, when it suited me - but if I didn’t it’d generally mean that the question was either unnecessary (in the case of a regular class that we both attended but didn’t go to together…) and/or inappropriate in the context of our friendship.

I’m also terrible for this. I will be in the middle of something, see a WhatsApp, scan it (but don’t open it) and think oh I’ll reply when the baby is asleep/I’ve finished mopping/this meeting finishes etc and before you know it it’s 11 o’clock at night/the next day/days later etc.

If someone messages me to make plans or ask me an important question that can’t wait I will reply as quick as I can otherwise I don’t have time to be doing the constant back and forth whatsapping, I’d rather have an eg weekly video call with whoever it.

She's a busy mum who is forgetful, just double text if you're sure you're actually good friends. I'd want someone to double text me if I forgot to reply.

Also, maybe she has a lot of friends and gets lots of WhatsApp's so your message isn't near the top

@Tisfortired

That's happened to me before. And I understand the 'dread' feeling of not wanting to commit to a back and forth conversation. Especially one that may be classed as small talk.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum

I know shes definitely busy. As am i. We both have babies to care for and juggle everything else.

However, do I think she has just simply forgotten that I text? If it happened once or twice? Sure. But it happens all the time. Unless she has an undiagnosed issue which affects her memory.....

As for just texting her again, yes I have done this before & I don't mind doing this, but I'm only human and after a while I get to the point where I feel 'why should I bother...'

I don’t reply to my messages straight away. Sometimes it takes me days. It doesn’t mean I don’t like my friends. Fortunately, virtually all my friends are the same, so they don’t get offended. Expecting instant responses seems very demanding to me.