Being consistently left on read for days on WhatsApp

[Mummy2022FT]

Some people are notorious for doing this.

They will just unapologetically ignore your message while posting selfies on social media knowing full well you can see.

I have my moments sometimes, as does everyone I think, although I'm certainly not a repeat offender.

Let me give an example, (reason for the thread);

My friend and I got pregnant together (unplanned) we attend the same mother and baby class. I will text her "Hi, are you going to class tomorrow?" Something like that. Or, on the rare occasion she'll text me something similar. I'll reply within reasonable time and then.. .. you guessed it...

No reply. For days.

Sometimes not at all and then I'll see her at the next baby group and she'll be grinning like a Cheshire Cat like nothings happened BUT the whole time she's out and about, posting selfies on social media etc.

It really offends me and kind of irritates me too. (I would never be irritated or offended by this if it were a one off but it happens consistently with this person)

Maybe I should just stop texting her. Even though she's sweet in person. Which Is why I'm confused.

Lastly, not to sound controversial, I understand something a lot of people say to this is "they're busy" or "you don't know what's going on in their head". It's a tricky one. Because I get that. But come on......

@Mummy2022FT Can you stop quoting everything twice. Maybe that's the reason they're just not responding to you.

I am one of those people who doesn't reply sometimes for a few days. I am unapologetic (most of the time)

Sometimes I'm genuinely really busy, other times I'm not busy but overwhelmed and can't think straight, and other times it's because I'm being lazy and can't be bothered to sit there for ages replying to a whole load of messages in my down time.

I absolutely hate having a phone and the expectation that I should be a slave to it and reply the moment someone else decides they want to message me.

I agree with you, OP. And for all those who can’t be bothered to reply to messages, I hope they never need help from anyone. I think it is respectful to reply. It really doesn’t take long.

I have two good friends who do this except she takes WEEKS or even MONTHS to reply. I’ve taken to doing the same when she messages me. One of them hasn’t messaged me for about a year now since my last message and I might not ever hear from her again - it’s clear I was the one keeping the communication/friendship going. It’s very annoying but I just match their energy when that happens, if the friendship fizzles out then so be it.

I would adjust the friendship down a notch to something more casual. Don't message about going to baby group, just turn up (or meet someone else for the coffee beforehand). If she's there, chat and maybe go on somewhere afterwards. If it's difficult to arrange things with her, stop doing so.

Don’t let her rudeness (because it is rude to continually ignore nice people when she quite clearly has time & energy to post other stuff online) upset you.

Rather than continuing with a situation where you are messaging her and feeling upset that you’re waiting around for a reply and being ignored, reframe it so that you’re ‘in control’, so to speak. Think of it more along the lines of: you are trying to communicate with her in a way that just doesn’t work well. Stop using that method to chat to her. If she can only be arsed to be communicative in person, that’s how you’ll communicate. If she misses out on info / you asking after her / wishing her happy birthday etc, that’s just tough.

If she ever raises it, tell her you were tired of messaging and getting no reply so texting now seems pointless.

Sometimes people need to learn manners and consideration and perhaps that will only happen when their texts / friends seem to dry up…

Another vote for turn blue ticks off.
I used to care if people had seen but not replied. Since turning it off not only do I no longer know (or care), I have also realised that I don’t have to respond to every message as soon as it’s sent. Frequently leave messages unanswered if I don’t have anything pressing to respond with, unless they are time critical like discussing plans or responding to a friend needing help etc.
liberating tbh

(I do reply to people in time though, just no longer feel pressure to reply speedily unless the message warrants it)

@FurryPelmet 1) rudeness and manners are fairly subjective things 2) mobile phones and instant messaging haven't been around for long enough to have anything near a definitive etiquette surround what is right wrong 3) the world is changing a bit and it is becoming more and more accepted that you don't have to run yourself into the ground in the name of manners and it is ok to set your own boundaries

So as you said, OP is more than within her rights to stop messaging this friend if it is something that makes her feel bad, but we don't need to frame it as being because the friend is a catagorically rude and bad mannered she-devil who doesn't deserve to have friends.

But why are you texting her? What do you want from her?

is it about logistics, do you need to know if she goes to a class so you can liftshare (for example)?

or do you just want to start a conversation /be in touch?

it seems so random/needy to ask otherwise 😁

I get hundreds of WhatsApp messages a day. Sometimes I avoid opening because I know it will need the mindset to focus. Other times I’ll open the message and need to check something before replying or get distracted by a child, cat, work etc and just forget.

Monitoring whether someone has read your messages or not and tracking their response times is the kind of thing a stalker does not a friend.

@Catpuss66
Really can't be bothered debating with you but do feel compelled to defend myself from being described as an "entitled knob trying to be interesting" or whatever fucking nonsense you spout.
If you are the kind of person who can reply immediately to a message, you will never understand the utter panic and pressure the feeling of a message gives me. If I found it easy to reply, I'd just fucking reply. However, thankfully, my friends are lovely and get me. People like you, who are not lovely, do not matter to me. And no, I do not do this to try to get attention, or be different or to piss people off, but like I say, you will never understand.

I think it’s weird too. Most of my friends reply quickly to messages, within half a day. I have one good/old friend who is rubbish at messaging - not just with me. A shame as I feel not as close any more although when we do meet it’s still good.
if someone asked me if I was going to be somewhere I’d say yes/no/not sure yet!

Just phone her if you know she doesn't respond to WhatsApps, and you need a reply about something?

Stop texting her and ignore her WhatsApp ( if she ever sends you one) for few days as she does.

A frendship of convenience isn't really a friendship at all.7

She's indirectly telling you what she thinks about you, listen.

Don't message her. Ever.

You don't have to reply to someone quoting their message then also copy and paste their message. It makes threads hard to read for no reason.

My phone is generally for me to get in touch with people not for people to get in touch with me. I leave most people on read for days if I’m too tired, CBA, busy with work, kids did not go down until late etc. Most of my friends would be the same and we’re all accepting of the situation because we’re in the same boat at this time in our lives. There are a few who are ‘better’ at keeping on top of that type of thing and there’s a couple of ‘needy’ ones and that’s fine, horses for courses. If she’s your friend, love her as she is and enjoy your time with her when you see her and let her come back to you in her own time. If you drift apart then that happens and that’s fine too, doesn’t mean she’s a bad person or she’s rude but sometimes no reply is a reply in itself.

I can't believe PP said that about you. They must get ignored an awful lot...

But I get that feeling of 'oh no' when I have to reply, even when it's someone I love talking to in real life. Something about texting fills me with dread.

I think it's rude expecting replies actually. People can do what they want in their free time. They don't have to reply straightaway.

I love the idea of the friend “missing out” on being asked how they are or wished a happy birthday - as though these are great, life affirming events rather than just meaningless chatter. I guess people really do value different things in friends!

I don’t really get all the snobby “Im not obliged to respond” answers - of course you aren’t and no one is suggesting you must reply immediately at all. But, some of us actually like our friends and enjoy talking to them (when it’s convenient of course) hence we don’t wait ages to reply. That’s kinda why they’re, you know, “friends” and we have chosen them to be in our lives.

Of course, if their texts irritate you so much then don’t bother replying and maybe consider dropping them if the thought of a text from them fills you with so much irritation and dread. Frankly I don’t understand why people bother to keep people in their lives at all when they’re clearly so irritated by them 🤷🏻‍♀️ life is too short for that kind of negative crap. Focus on the people you do want to hear from!

Sometimes I just forget 🤷🏼‍♀️ or need more time to think about it, then it gets buried under newer msgs.