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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How long after having baby did you and DP have sex?

105 replies

Soundbathfan · 30/06/2023 23:08

Just wondering! My sex drive isn't great at the best of times but hoping it won't disappear entirely after having our first baby!

OP posts:
Leafytrees · 30/06/2023 23:14

It will vary person to person, and often depends on how delivery goes. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be back to normal straight away. Having a baby and then looking after one 24/7 is exhausting. Sex will likely be the last thing on your mind once the baby arrives. You'll need to focus on your own physical and mental health, plus getting to know your baby.

WineIsMyMainVice · 30/06/2023 23:16

It massively varies (from what I know talking to friends over the years)!
You just need to do what is right for you at the time….

Mangogogogo · 30/06/2023 23:21

It varies even with one person! I had my son with my ex and we didn’t sleep together for a long time. I had a stressful pregnancy and then my hips fell out of place, I was a new mum as a teenager and sex was just the last thing on my mind, I was recovering from everything! (And also I just didn’t really like my ex😬)
my second I had a fast, straightforward birth, no stitches no grazes, bled for 2 weeks and cracked on as normal.
neither is wrong or right, it’s just the way it is. You might have a straightforward birth and a baby that sleeps like a dream and have lots of free time and sleep, or you could have an awful birth and a baby that doesn’t sleep for love nor money and spend your free time just trying not to slip into a coma. And unfortunately there’s no way to tell.

either way I really really hope your partner isn’t putting any kind of pressure on you. Even mentioning it to you at this stage in your pregnancy is inappropriate

NameChange245 · 30/06/2023 23:22

11 years and counting ....

Ponoka7 · 30/06/2023 23:29

The advice is to wait until after your six week check. It's better for your body if you give it time to heal and don't risk another pregnancy so soon. I think I waited around eight weeks. Although if course you don't have to have full sex, but it should be on your terms for the following months after birth.

lemongirl1985 · 30/06/2023 23:30

1st - 8 weeks after labour with no stitches
2nd - 8 weeks after labour with no stitches
3rd - 9 months after very easy labour with no stitches!! I just felt so emotional and fragile for so long I really didn't want anything sexual. My husband knew somehow and didn't push for it at all just waited patiently.

StormInaDcup99 · 30/06/2023 23:30

My libido after my first baby went through the roof....absolutely crazy . Never been so horny in my life, which I think is a bit unusual

Tried sex at 6 weeks but was too sore due to a bad internal tear. Tried again at 8 weeks and was fine.

Baby 2.... no stitches.....sex at 2 weeks after delivery

justanothermanicmonday1 · 30/06/2023 23:31

6 weeks I think!

Sex life got back to normal about 7months PP!

GG1986 · 30/06/2023 23:32

1st baby - 4 months
2nd baby - nearly 6 months and we haven't yet, I'm exhausted and feel fat and gross.

Whydoievenbother · 30/06/2023 23:32

I think about 3 months. Too tired anyway now!!

PurpleButterflyWings · 30/06/2023 23:34

5-6 weeks.

MaxwellCat · 30/06/2023 23:40

2 weeks

Being honest I never really understand the whole “we haven’t had sex in 3 years” after birth thing!

TalkingSchist · 30/06/2023 23:45

Around 5 weeks both times. Both c sections. Got back to normal by three months pp both times.

We definitely don’t have as much sex as we did pre kids, but I think that’s a mix of getting older, being together longer, and being a lot busier. Not necessarily just because we had kids!

theDudesmummy · 30/06/2023 23:47

Maybe 4 weeks? After a c section.

Kona84 · 30/06/2023 23:48

Gosh my libido crashed through the floor.
it wasn’t until 18 months after birth. Technically 23 months as I didn’t have sex beyond 4 months pregnant.
man’s I’ve only done it once she is 21 months now. I’m still breastfeeding so putting it down to this

Mumtothreegirlies · 30/06/2023 23:48

1st baby 1 week (natural birth no stitches)
2nd babe 1 week (episiotomy)
3rd baby 2 weeks (natural baby no stitches)

i had my babies at 18,22,25 but not sure I’d managed to Have sex this soon now I’m 36!!

Jellifulfruit · 30/06/2023 23:49

10 days for us. Mega horny 😂 for some reason. But there were no stitches/PPH or anything like that, so physical recovery didn’t come into it, however I know lots of people who waited longer for various reasons. As long as both are happy, there’s no right or wrong

LondonPete · 30/06/2023 23:55

2 weeks after first baby
2 days after second baby, probably nearer a day and half as he was born in the night
15 years later now and we do it twice a year

mrsfollowill · 30/06/2023 23:58

5 weeks- had a EMCS though so no 'damage' below. No pressure from either side at the time it just sort of spontaneously happened. Take it slow when you are feeling it is the right time.,

Missgemini · 01/07/2023 00:02

As you will find, different people heal at different speeds with different levels of libido etc.
If this question is regarding yourself, please know there is no pressure. Whenever you feel ready is the right time.

1st baby: 3 months. Was painful, so stopped and didn’t again for a few weeks
2nd baby - felt like I was healed at 2 weeks, but didn’t have sex until 5 weeks.

MammaTo · 01/07/2023 00:11

My mind is blown by people waiting 2 weeks. I know each to their own but Jesus horny or not give yourself time to heal surely.

I had an episiotomy and PPH and waited 3 months and it was sore-ish. 6 months on and the baby’s never slept through the night yet so very infrequent but can still be sore.

Mumtothreegirlies · 01/07/2023 00:18

MammaTo · 01/07/2023 00:11

My mind is blown by people waiting 2 weeks. I know each to their own but Jesus horny or not give yourself time to heal surely.

I had an episiotomy and PPH and waited 3 months and it was sore-ish. 6 months on and the baby’s never slept through the night yet so very infrequent but can still be sore.

My episiotomy took 1 week to feel normal, I was lucky. I was doing the school run and food shop less then 24 hours after my 3rd. All women are different.

Bromptotoo · 01/07/2023 00:20

25 years and counting... :-P

TheSnailAndTheWaaaail · 01/07/2023 00:21

Tried at 7 weeks after a 3rd degree tear but was still too sore. Managed at 10 weeks but wasn't totally pain free til almost a year post partum.

Second time I had a c section, easy recovery and I think we had sex at about 5 weeks and it was fine.

User12453315 · 01/07/2023 00:24

My mind is blown by people waiting 2 weeks. I know each to their own but Jesus horny or not give yourself time to heal surely.

Whenever I hear those stories I always have a sneaking suspicion that, in the majority of cases, the man has a lot to do with it. Cannot imagine a post partum mum with all the stitches, sleep deprivation, baby blues and round the clock breastfeeding genuinely wanting to do the horizontal conga. Many men cheat during the long months of pregnancy and post-partum so resuming sex asap might be the only method some women have in an attempt to prevent further infidelity.

Ours was about 6 weeks, after the first checkup to make there were no complications from the CS & stitches.