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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How long after having baby did you and DP have sex?

105 replies

Soundbathfan · 30/06/2023 23:08

Just wondering! My sex drive isn't great at the best of times but hoping it won't disappear entirely after having our first baby!

OP posts:
CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 01/07/2023 00:26

About 4-5 weeks both times, after caesareans.

my sex drive wasn’t very high and it was a tad uncomfortable the first couple of times so it was very gentle and slow. Even though I wasn’t very horny, I craved the closeness and connection that sex can bring.

notacooldad · 01/07/2023 00:29

We were about 6 weeks but super gentle and led by me. DH was a bit apprehensive though.

SylvanianFrenemies · 01/07/2023 00:29

Dc1, difficult labour with episiotomy- 6w
DC2, easier labour with slight tearing and a few stitches - 4w

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/07/2023 00:34

2 weeks.

and no, I didn’t feel pressured by my husband 🙄 I was very ready. Everyone is different.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 01/07/2023 00:34

We waited until the placenta had come out

ClaraBourne · 01/07/2023 00:35

NameChange245 · 30/06/2023 23:22

11 years and counting ....

Same.....

RJnomore1 · 01/07/2023 00:38

21 days with my first. A week with my second but that was a section and everything felt normal after.

Definitely me and no coercion, I was in the chemist buying condoms on my way home after the second.

However that’s not life goals, my body recovered fast and everyone needs to go with how they feel. But quick or longer it’s not wrong if it’s what you want.

RJnomore1 · 01/07/2023 00:39

I do not agree many men cheat on pregnant partners either. Some do but they’re arseholes.

steff13 · 01/07/2023 00:40

1st time 5 weeks, 2nd and 3rd times 3 weeks. We waited until I felt up to it. All vaginal births.

IHateLegDay · 01/07/2023 00:47

Within a week after both births.
Looking back I realise it was idiotic to do it that soon and I'm just thankful that I didn't get an infection or do any damage!

MaydinEssex · 01/07/2023 00:49

2 weeks after baby was born.

Nat6999 · 01/07/2023 00:49

6 months after an emcs & severe pnd, it wouldn't have bothered me if I never had sex again. I was still hating myself & my body for not being able to give birth naturally.

Sunisshiningweatherissweet1 · 01/07/2023 00:51

2 weeks for me after c section. I really wanted to!

DramaAlpaca · 01/07/2023 00:58

After DC1 it was just before six weeks, so if there were difficulties I could mention it at the six week check. All was well.

I can't remember how long it took after DC2 and DC3, probably ages due to tiredness.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 01/07/2023 01:00

2 and a half months for us, it didn't get back to its previous frequency until a good year in though.

CharlotteSometimes1 · 01/07/2023 01:01

6 weeks and got pregnant, there’s 11 months between them.

Ilikethewayyoumove90 · 01/07/2023 01:09

It's all relative isn't it.
I had three straight forward labour's without hardly any blood.

1st - 3 weeks.
2nd - 10 days.
3rd - 2 weeks.

bonfirebash · 01/07/2023 01:23

Make sure you have contraception sorted!
My friend had IVF and got pregnant with triplets. Post birth she was "I can't get pregnant anyway" (they had been trying for 10 years previously) and had sex 8 weeks after birth
The positive pregnancy test was a bit of a shock....

Amortentia · 01/07/2023 01:28

I’m guessing it’s just me that has a morbid fear of air embolism. TBF, i did have a ruptured placenta and haemorrhaged after my last birth. 😂

Greenflamesburn · 01/07/2023 02:02

One of the main reasons I left my eldest dad as he was trying to pressure me in to sex 9 days after a EMCS. I was ill recovering from the C section, the joy of theatre, oh and resuscitate with 12 units of blood include due to bleeding out. He didnt/couldn't understand why I didn't want to (we had been like rabbits before)
To be fair I was just 19 and scared to death of having another and leaving 2 kids without a mum. I'd also experience some shit I never wanted to again. Plus after reading the hospital notes that he left when I was dying, I lost all feeling for him. I nearly gave my life for a man that didn't give a shit to wait to see if I woke up, after giving him a son. Needless to say I gave him my last name and the dad hasn't bothered since 2008.
I now have 3 and my second partner waited for me to initiate with him with was at 10 weeks second baby and 5 months + after 3rd. I was just so tired it was the last thing in my mind.
I was also scared my insides would fall out.!.
You do you when you are ready you will know 😎

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 01/07/2023 02:05

Currently 7wks postpartum. Not breastfeeding. For me it won't be the libido that stops us (I feel normal in that sense). Our LO has medical needs and we aren't getting a lot of sleep and almost 0 time in the same bed. I imagine both of us will prioritize sleep for some time.

As for you, OP, it'll depend on the birth you gave, whether you breast feed, your physical recovery, if your kid is a sleeper or not etc etc etc...

Babyboomtastic · 01/07/2023 07:35

1st: 11 days after ELCS. It would have been sooner but we wanted to get it approved by the midwife first 😂. I felt 'ready' after 5 days.

2nd: 2.5w ish. Slightly longer because now we had two children that didn't sleep and i i was more knackered from breastfeeding.

No pressure and all initiated by me. With my first as we were formula feeding, my husband took half of the nights (more in the early days), so I had plenty of rest, much more so than in late pregnancy.

LT2 · 01/07/2023 07:52

It was about 4 months. We had tried it earlier but it was very, very painful. I had a really easy and quick birth too, so I was very surprised that it was like that!

BamBamBambi · 01/07/2023 07:54

2 weeks after with my first
about 4 weeks with my second.

muddlingthrou · 01/07/2023 07:55

I gritted my teeth and went for it 5 months postpartum. It felt great so my libido slowly came back. Don't put pressure on yourself - you'll start feeling more like your pre-pregnancy self gradually.