she should used the shower before i come back

[RobynsMama]

lighthearted, mostly 😂

i’m on holiday with some friends from work, first time we’ve ever been away together but we have done nights away.

I’m sharing a room with one person who doesn’t really like sunbathing or being by the pool. Fair enough we’re all quite chill and have been doing our own thing and then meeting up in the evening for dinner/drinks.

She goes back up to the room usually about 1pm to read and chill out whereas I’ll stay by the pool til it gets too chilly probably about half 6/7. We always make a plan for dinner in the group chat and the. I always put a message saying what time I expect to be back at the room because obviously will have to shower and get ready. Every day this week she’s been in the room for 6/7 hours alone and only gone in the shower when i’ve come back from the pool (it’s like she waits for me to get back then runs in there) and she takes forever meaning I have to then rush. I got fed up of this and asked when she was leaving after lunch if i could use the shower at 6 yesterday and she agreed, but when i got back to the room (at 6) she was in the shower! and took a good 45 minutes for i had to rush again.

aibu to think it’s a bit selfish if you’re in the room all day to wait to use the shower until the person you’re sharing with gets back from the pool, making them rush to get ready?

Yeah. Very strange behaviour. Have u told her she uses up all the hot water if she showers just before dinner? Does she realise she leaves you no time?
I would be so tempted to find out what time the bathroom gets cleaned assuming it's every day amd have a shower straight after!
Or as pp's say have a few short showers e.g first thing so that the bathroom is good and wet for the rest of the day.
Tempted...probably wouldn't though.

Fair enough if she needs first shower but why wait until the moment you need it and take so long

Maybe own rooms next year

What an actual knobhead. Does she give any reason for wanting to shower first? If it’s “just preference” then boo hoo you’re sharing a room you don’t get to fixate stuff like that. I’m petty but I’d be telling her she needs to have her own room if she wants dibs on the “first shower”. She sounds childish and like a Princess. I’m actually so annoyed for you, I can’t stand people like that.

My first thought is she’s struggling if she needs to be by herself all the time. Maybe anxiety. Might be worth checking in on her.

@babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo a couple of hours before dinner is MILES away from 'hours before'.
OP has been in the pool all day. She can't go back in once she's showered.
The friend OTOH has been indoors all day.
That being said if you wanna shower exactly when you fancy in a very narrow time slot...say it, or get your own room. There's no excuse for being passive aggressive.

What??? No!!
She’s clearly just a selfish madam who waits for op to put key in door before leaping into bathroom and hogging it for a 45 min shower, making Op late and leaving her with a sopping wet sauna bathroom.
Anyone with anxiety/ocd would be showering earlier, then cleaning and airing the bathroom for the next occupant. It would be unthinkable to anyone with these conditions to leave a grim, wet bathroom and have someone outside waiting for it if there was an alternative.

Oh dear, bless her it does sound as though she may have an OCD here. A clean bathroom is a fairly common one. I know a fair bit about these sorts of patterns of behaviour.
This however doesn’t help you OP and you can not be expected to know, understand or work around it if she has not talked to you about it. I hope the last day or two are okay and you have fun. You have been very patient. Just continue to be be kind, if I’m right she can’t help it, but she should have talked to you.

Well surely she could mention that if so and not ruin ops holiday by being moody about a bloody shower. She is an adult.

The bathroom is clean all fucking day, not just at the exact moment OP walks in the door.

This isn’t OCD. People with this wouldn’t choose to shower with someone waiting to use the bathroom and certainly wouldn’t be leaving someone else with the sopping wet sauna that they themselves wouldn’t have been happy with.
This woman is merely an arsehole.

It’s not really the shower in a way is it, is the awkwardness. If she made a joke of it or said hey sorry I like to use the shower first as I have anxiety or whatever then it would be a nicer atmosphere but she sounds a bit odd and rude about it.

Next time you go up do a massive poo or something.

I think the only way to get round this is to go up to the room an hour before you want to shower so that the room mate can jump in for her overly lengthy shower first.

TBH, if she does have OCD I don't understand why she didn't just get a single room to herself.

Good point

@Sparklfairy you are missing the point. She obviously likes to leave it as late as she possibly can. ODD is so complicated.
Read my post: I am in full support of OP it is difficult living with people with OCD and/or anxiety. She should have talked to her - but maybe she can’t. There is always another side to the picture.

To add a different perspective ... I can put myself in this situation and understand that you're put out but, I can more easily put myself in your colleague/friends position.

I'm not a sun worshipper but I'd want to enjoy a holiday with my friends. So I'd be happy relaxing on the balcony too.

I have ADHD, didn't realise until well into my 40's but it certainly explains a lot that I wish I'd known earlier.

In your situation, I'd be totally lost in my book and ... as soon as I heard the door beep, I'd be thinking 'shit, shit, shit! OP is back from the pool! That means I should be getting ready for dinner!' ...

Then I'd be in the shower ... with no concept of time - Time Blindness is a huge part of ADHD for many.

Secondly, ADHD brings with it sensory issues and I cannot stand stepping onto a cold wet soggy bathmat after it's already been used! So, I too like to have 'first shower' (though admittedly, I am the fasted showerer in my family 😆).

If your roommate isn't someone who you genuinely think is being intentionly a C* to upset you on purpose then, this is likely a similar situation. Just people who don't know the ins & outs of eachother & not being able to communicate openly.

I know it's MN & what it's like here but I'm still always surprised in this kind of thread at the immediate judgment and no critical thinking or empathy or desire to find out 'why' something rather than just writing everyone off as a CF.

No, there isn't ALWAYS another side. Some people are just CF's.
As a neurodiverse person I'm sooo tired of people using disabilities/conditions/whatever as an excuse for everything.
And someone having a disability doesn't preclude them being an entitled arsehole. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I’d be popping back early again then returning to the pool. I’d be ‘forgetting things’ and popping back. I’d be showering during the day. I’d be doing anything I can to put the shits up her and have her make an idiot of herself by rushing into the shower when she hears your return.

Me too. I'd be angry enough and petty enough by this stage to be planning all sorts of ways to make this CF's nonsense rebound on her hugely.

Absolutely agree. Lot of of neurodiversity in our family but that's no excuse for behaving like a selfish, entitled arsehole.

God. Sharing a room on holiday… why do people become so selfish? Many years ago I went on a solo holiday and offered to share a room. The selfish xxx snored the whole time to such an extent I had to move out and fund a b and b down the road. She will have known she was a snorer. Just why do people do this?

@Elfblossom Same here. This is only the second time I have posted on MN and that is because I have genuine experience of living with a family member (DSD) with similar issues and thought I could offer a different perspective.
Still supporting OP. Trying to help.
I don’t think I will post again, MN is too full of judgement for me. Have a lovely day!

I'd be having a refreshing morning shower like @Emotionalsupportviper said, then another after popping in and out all day being a forgetful clutz

@Elfblossom Well I also have ADHD, also diagnosed as an adult. But I'm not selfish. I also didn't need an official diagnosis to realise that I tend to lose track of time, and do things like erm setting an alarm.

In fact , even when I did lose track of time occasionally I was aware of the impact of other people and wouldn't just jump straight in to fulfil my desires while informing them.

I'm not denying that people have different degrees of self-awareness, but it's not other people's job to psychoanalyse.

I have had probably more than my 'fair share' of ND exes, some were genuinely unaware of certain things, some were CF's but the outcome is the same. I dumped them because I'm not their emotional support human. Not my job to put up with their issues if they wouldn't put up with mine. Of course, I did try and communicate with them first.

An NT wouldn't be able to get away with saying this, but I can :)

Did OP ever fake coming back to the room early??? Desperate to know the outcome!!

She did. Read all her updates

Am assuming the 'bless her' is a Southern "bless her heart" which would more appropriate for the CF!