Hello and thanks for reading.
Im going to sound awful for this post I know but I need to vent it and get impartial advice. I’m prepared for vipers.
Background: I have 5 half siblings. I grew up in the same house with 4 of them. We are all adults now with our own families and get on well but not close.
The fifth sibling was my dads son who is 15 years older than me and I did not grow up with and did not know or meet until after my dad died.
Met this sibling when I was 19 and they were 34. They have no other siblings.
He’s a nice man but due to the age gap and not being raised together we have 0 in common.
However due to him having no siblings he has tried really hard over the years to force a relationship.
He’s gone out of his way to make this happen. Travelling across the country to things like my graduation and the birth of my child. Sending presents and cards on birthdays and at Christmas. Always trying to ring me and arrange meet ups.
He has a wife and kids and they are also super enthusiastic to have a relationship.
Now this is where I feel an awful person. I do not reciprocate the feelings at all and find it smothering and a bit weird if I’m honest.
We have nothing in common other than sharing a dad neither of us really knew.
He makes more effort than me and my siblings do for eachother and is really over familiar. When he and his family come they insist on staying in my house when my own siblings get a hotel. I have a house with spare rooms so can’t really say no but it’s awkward.
They try and arrange joint family holidays which I make excuses not to do and send me drawings their kids have done in the post.
Because we weren’t raised together and there is a huge age gap it’s essentially a stranger trying to exert themselves into your life at every opportunity.
My other siblings I have little in common with but we have a shared history and familiarity so have our own banter and jokes and understand each others quirks and ways so I can spend a weekend with them and tell them to go away or whatever. When they’re being annoying. My nieces and nephews feel like ‘mine’ and it feels like family and not a weird chore i’m doing.
Since having my child my brother and his family have stepped it up a notch and constantly want to meet and be in contact as he’s an ‘uncle’ now.
Their kids ranging from 2 - 19 year old (massive age gaps) call me auntie and my DP uncle and it feels awkward as they are literal strangers.
My DB and his wife will try and give parenting tips on visits which comes across as rude as critical because there is no foundation of a relationship like our own siblings so it feels like a stranger/acquaintance saying it.
I have tried to distance myself over the years but they don’t get the hint. I don’t respond to calls and take days to reply to texts but they still persist. They will go through their calendar for that year until they find a date we are free for a visit even if it’s 6 months away. They send expensive and thoughtful presents for all our birthdays which makes me feel indebted to them to continue the relationship.
They've even tried to ‘book on’ to our family holidays when we’ve told them we’re going somewhere (saying they might come too and looking up tickets on their phone there and then, I’m not joking!).
They keep pestering to spend Christmas together which I’ve managed to bat off! We have loads of other very close family and now our own kids to be contending with, we don’t want to host strangers on top on Christmas Day and it’s weird they even want to spend such a day together.
I know it sounds selfish but I have loads of siblings already as does DP. Infact DP has 4 full siblings who also have families so between us we have loads of siblings, nieces and nephews which is difficult enough to keep up with. However my DB and his family demand more attention than all our siblings put together! Because they only have me as ‘family’ they put all their attention onto us.
I personally would be happy with just sending an annual Christmas card and seeing their updates via social media at most. I don’t have the time or interest.
But I don’t want to hurt them either. They are nice people. I understand they want extended family as they don’t have it, but I can’t provide it.
What do I do?
I’ve tried every kind of ‘drifting away’ method possible. I feel like the only way out is to have some kind of huge fall out and go no contact because they will go to such great lengths to maintain this relationship that there is no other way. Even if I up and moved to Australia I have 0 doubt they’d use their annual leave to visit annually. That’s how full on they are.