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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with "friend"?

170 replies

kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 17:15

I recently went out with a couple of friends. 1 is one of my closest friends and the other is someone we both know from a mother and baby club.
We went a did a bit of shopping and then went for lunch. While we were having lunch the friend I'm closest too said that now she is on maternity leave she feels a bit lonely sometimes so I told her about MN. The other friend rolled her eyes but said nothing.

Then ds did a dirty nappy so I went to change him. When I got back the friend who isn't really a friend said "I don't see why you changed him, I only change dd in the morning and in the evening no matter how many poos she does." I smiled and said that I'd rather change a pooy nappy straight away and she said "Well you do work instead of stay at home and you talk to wierdos on the internet." I didn't say anything to that.

Surely when I change my ds's nappy has nothing to do with me not being a SAHM or talking on MN. Also I don't think we're wierdos.

OP posts:
appledumpling · 23/02/2008 19:54

Yuck! And .

My DS is in reusables and I change him immediately if he has done a poo. Otherwise I change him at least every 4 hours a) because his nappy is wet, b) because it smells and c) for his comfort and to prevent nappy rash. He has a disposable at night.

It isn't as if washing them is particularly onerous or time-consuming.

TotalChaos · 23/02/2008 19:56

possibly she is mentally quite unwell - being so obsessed with routine, taking such a strange stance on nappy changing. or maybe she's just got some very odd and uncaring beliefs. either way - what a sad situation.

/waves to Dior. all still similar (sigh).

msappropriate · 23/02/2008 20:05

surely if you were really into routine nappy changing would be part of it? ie after milk/food or a nap? How could she put up with the smell. I am a bit neglectful with wet nappies as my baby makes such a blooming fuss but hes never had nappy rash.

Original poster
kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 20:11

See I dont like the smell as I'm sure many of you dont. My ds 9 times out of 10 does a pooey nappy as we're going out the door. As soon as we get home or get where we are going I change him. Mainly because he smells so bad.

I dont know how she can cope with it.

OP posts:
Bouncingturtle · 23/02/2008 20:13

Absolutely shocking, I use reusables and I always change them every 3-4 hours and immediately after a poo, before we go out anywhere and before we return home if we've been out a couple of hours.
Her poor, poor baby!
Good luck talking to her, hope you or her GP can talk some bleeding sense into her. If her DH changes the baby more frequently why doesn't he say something to her? Or do you think he doesn't know?

Original poster
kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 20:18

I'm not sure if he knows. He works from 10 until 7 and she is in bed by the time he gets in and he is like my dh as he isn't at home much during the week he likes to do everything at the weekend. But she moans he upsets the routine by changing her so I think he might do.

OP posts:
pooka · 23/02/2008 20:27

Changing infrequently could actually be dangerous. INfected nappy rash can lead to blood poisoning. Dirty nappies should be changed asap IMO, particularly if the baby has nappy rash.

I change ds when he gets up, before lunch, after his nap and ready for bed and as soon as he poos. So at least 4 times a day, but sometimes more. Never less. He's 2.5. When he was younger would change him more often, but now it's quite a performance getting him in one place...

meglet · 23/02/2008 20:37

yanbu. Your friend needs some help and a strict talking to!

My baby was in a routine and part of that was regular nappy changes. I wouldn't leave him in a poo-y nappy for a moment.

mumofdjandp · 23/02/2008 20:42

This mum needs a giant nappy made for her and to only get it changed twice a day regardless!

That is so mean and plain neglectful really and I feel heart sorry for the wee one with nappy rash......

UniversallyChallenged · 23/02/2008 20:45

yabu to be annoyed at "friend" who's only stating her opinions - however stupid we may think them
yanbu if you are annoyed at yourself for not stating your own

themildmanneredjanitor · 23/02/2008 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minouminou · 23/02/2008 20:53

DS is doing some non-smelly poos at the mo, for some reason, so he doesn't get changes as soon as he does them, IYGWIM
his bum is red and it's really uncomfortable, and that's just from a few extra minutes sitting in it
god knows how this poor girl must feel
this woman is quite barking, and this needs some kind of professional intervention - beyond an HV
this has made me feel really sad

Original poster
kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 20:55

It is really sad as her dd is a very sad baby. She hardly ever laughs or smiles.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 23/02/2008 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

macdoodle · 23/02/2008 21:04

Actaully I like changing DD2 nappies (8 weeks) because she seems so happy and smiley to have a nice clean dry bum she always smiles and cooes when she realises I am going to change her.....the only time I don't is if she is feeding half asleep at night and I don't want to wake her completely always feel terribly guilty though when next nappy is soaking...poor poor poor baby

mumofdjandp · 23/02/2008 21:08

This is making me cross

the mum must have some attachment disorder or something?? as most oif us want to clear up nappy rash/want our kids to be clean and happy!

justnotsure · 23/02/2008 21:09

That poor child. Imagine the discomfort.

LyraSilvertongue · 23/02/2008 21:17

When my mum was young she worked in a nursery. There was one family who would take their child home in a dirty nappy (if they 'went' just before pick-up) and bring them back in the morning in the same dirty nappy.

mumofdjandp · 23/02/2008 21:19

I think socail services should be called for all these cases and the parents given a stern talking to and regular visits! sorry but I do! Its plain neglect!

where is the love in that??

LyraSilvertongue · 23/02/2008 21:23

I don't get why this woman is announcing her neglect to all and sundry. You'd think she'd be ashamed. What does she hope to achieve by leaving poo on her dd's skin all day?

Original poster
kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 21:31

See i get really worried that people will think i'm a bad mum because ds likes to poo while we're out so he smells. So i don't understand why she thinks i'm the wierd one for changing ds when he does a pooey nappy

OP posts:
LyraSilvertongue · 23/02/2008 21:39

It sounds like she's got a bee in her bonnet about it, like she's making too bit an issue of it because she's got something to prove. Why are you friends with her?
I feel very for her poor DD. the sonner she's potty trained the better.

glucose · 23/02/2008 21:46

kayzis - you are not the weird one, it's pretty normal to go around thinking you are a bad mum, when in reality you are a great mum.It's going to take a lot to understand this person.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2008 21:52

to OP and to Lyra's story

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2008 21:53

Although I have to say I normally manage to change DS's nappy before a poo, yes, usually just doing th poppers back up on his vest as he fills his nappy
I used to love changing his nappy when he was small and didn't wriggle as much, he used to love the attention and smile and laugh