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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with "friend"?

170 replies

kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 17:15

I recently went out with a couple of friends. 1 is one of my closest friends and the other is someone we both know from a mother and baby club.
We went a did a bit of shopping and then went for lunch. While we were having lunch the friend I'm closest too said that now she is on maternity leave she feels a bit lonely sometimes so I told her about MN. The other friend rolled her eyes but said nothing.

Then ds did a dirty nappy so I went to change him. When I got back the friend who isn't really a friend said "I don't see why you changed him, I only change dd in the morning and in the evening no matter how many poos she does." I smiled and said that I'd rather change a pooy nappy straight away and she said "Well you do work instead of stay at home and you talk to wierdos on the internet." I didn't say anything to that.

Surely when I change my ds's nappy has nothing to do with me not being a SAHM or talking on MN. Also I don't think we're wierdos.

OP posts:
Original poster
kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 17:55

She is a very unhappy baby. I'd always wondered why she didnt really like playing much and cried a lot until we went out for lunch and she told me this. Now I understand perfectly.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 23/02/2008 17:57

TBH, I'd have to say something to someone, it isn't on.

OracleInaCoracle · 23/02/2008 17:58

its cruel and disgusting. noone enjoys changing nappies ffs, but motherhood isnt a fecking pick n mix.

BabiesEverywhere · 23/02/2008 18:02

I would say something to the mother, i.e. Normal nappy changes are X times a day and definately after every poo at the very least.

I wonder if she is depressed or needing support at home ? Either way she needs helping in some way, so that poor child doesn't suffer any longer

Original poster
kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 18:03

All she says to anyone is it'll upset dd's routine (HV's round here are really big on a strict routine, ds doesn't have one)
She says that at weekends when her H is at home and he changes their dd she doesn't sleep as her routine is in a mess. Also her mother doesn't think its a problem.

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 23/02/2008 18:04

But her DD's rountine needs to cover her basic care and that means keeping her child clean and dry

Original poster
kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 18:04

Not her mother her mother in law. Its all really confusing. Her MI doesn't see it as a problem but her husbund and her mother do.

I couldn't do it to my ds. He had nappy rash a while ago when he was teething and it was really hurting him.

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 23/02/2008 18:08

I'm sorry if she can not see that leaving a child in pain in a dirty nappy all day is not the right thing to do, what can be done Poor baby.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 23/02/2008 18:09

this has made me so and

At one point I had 3 children in washable nappies so had a lot of washing to do. It is hardly hard work - you sort it out, put it in and turn the machine on. Or does she hand wash each nappy?

I knew someone who only changed twice a day and she used disposables on her child. I thought that was shocking enough. This is awful and tbh she needs telling. Now. And so she will listen.

bellavita · 23/02/2008 18:10

The poor baby. I could never have done that. It is like child neglect.

Original poster
kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 18:11

I'm going to try and say something on Monday when we are at M&B club. I dont know what to say really. I know she is at the doctors before the club so I'm hoping they'll say she has to change her more or it'll get worse.

I'm sure no amount of nappy cream is going to make her better without regular nappy changes.

OP posts:
yurt1 · 23/02/2008 18:12

weird friend- was she saying it to be argumentative? My 3 would have been red raw left in a poo for that long.

JodieG1 · 23/02/2008 18:18

I'd have to say something and if she wouldn't change then I'd speak to the hv and see what she said. That poor baby I know worse things go on but it doesn't make this ok.

luminarphrases · 23/02/2008 18:22

that is horrible. any adult or older child would feel humiliated at going around dirty, but just because she's a baby means she doesn't deserve being clean and dry. and what's going to happen when that child starts potty training?

blueshoes · 23/02/2008 18:22

kayz, your friend said "Well you do work instead of stay at home and you talk to wierdos on the internet."

What?? She equated working with talking to wierdos on the internet? >

ScruffyTeddy · 23/02/2008 18:35

I think she's the wierdo.

Its not rocket science, shitty nappy=change it. Poor kid.

staryeyed · 23/02/2008 18:41

I think you should do/say something. Its neglectful to leave your kids in dirty nappies- its unhygeinic and its causing pain. Where has she come up with this idea of 2 changes a day? It is mad.

AS for how rude she was to you I would give her a wide birth she sounds liek and absolute nutter. Who know what other weird things she does.

Wallace · 23/02/2008 19:17

Poor baby

Do let us know how she gets on at the doctor, and what she says at M&B.

mollymawk · 23/02/2008 19:24

This woman sounds a bit strange TBH. I hope she gets good advice from the doctor (and actually takes it).

cupsoftea · 23/02/2008 19:27

how would it be possible to only do 2 changes a day? My kids hace always done so much poo at once it would explode out of the nappy!

nospringchicken · 23/02/2008 19:28

I've heard of some freaky behaviour here on MN but that takes the biscuit. Poor little child. It must really hurt. Not to mention the smell. Apart from the rash issue which is serious enough, her dd's self esteem will be eroded. She may be only a baby but subliminally she must be thinking or at least feeling she's not worth much if her mother can't or won't keep her comforatable. It's the most basic loving thing to do, surely ? Keep them loved, fed, and comfortable, which includes basic taking over the care of their bodily functions until they are old enough to manage for themselves. Routine ?? How long does it take fgs to change a nappy, or at least the liner of a reusable if you are out and about.

BecauseImWorthIt · 23/02/2008 19:29

She's obviously been on MN though, if she knows we're all weirdos.

Original poster
kayzisbroody · 23/02/2008 19:39

My close friend and I have decided we will talk to her on Monday depending on what she says the doctor says. If she comes and says that she has to change dd more often and she does it we'll leave it but if she chooses to ignore it then we'll say something to her.

OP posts:
lennygrrl · 23/02/2008 19:43

Message withdrawn

glucose · 23/02/2008 19:50

absolutly agree lenny about the reusables
Didn't spend all day washing when dd was in cloth nappies but did expect that I would need to be doing a bit more than i had been.
Kayzi good luck, if what she is telling you is correct I think she is neglecting her baby possibly not intentionally, she maybe misinformed about nappies in general, or it may run deeper.