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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that the current vogue for allowing kids to be "bored" is a bit misguided

241 replies

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/06/2023 16:18

Have been thinking about this a lot recently, prompted by posts on here and things in the media. It's become very fashionable for people to talk about how important it is for children to be allowed to "be bored" sometimes.

I totally understand and support the principle of this: which is that overzealous scheduling and helicopter parenting is not great for many kids. I think there is a place for not having your entire life planned out from dawn to dusk and for learning to entertain yourself.

But in reality I think this "leave them to get bored" is often quite unworkable. Once kids get "bored" these days they invariably reach for screens. Now, obviously it's up to us as parents to manage this. But there's a limit to how much you can police this, short of removing all devices. It would be great if "being bored" always meant directing kids out to rough and tumble play in the hayfields or making dens in the living room or finger painting, but that usually isn't what it means. It either means screen time or it means getting into things they shouldn't. Stopping this happening means endless policing of what they do. So, forgive me but given the choice I'd rather my kid was doing an after-school club than playing four hours of Minecraft (sorry Minecraft) or watching TV or being bullied by me to be "creatively bored".

"Constructive" boredom as its preached is one of these lovely ideas (a bit like "free range" parenting) that's much much easier to achieve if you have a huge five-bedroom pile in the home counties than if you live in a cramped two bed flat (from which you also work). It's pretty unworkable for most parents and I'm starting to find it increasingly irritating when people parrot this as if it were a solution to all parenting dilemmas.

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 09:26

It is just an idea though and the people with young children don't know that boredom now will gave a long term positive impact and reduce screen use when older. Having had more experience of bringing up children i think boredom has a negative impact generally. And if they are young why offer screens in the first place?

I don't advocate hours of 'boredom.'

And it's something I came to naturally and under my own steam where I didn't always jump in and entertain my kids, but let them generate their own ideas. Which they do according to their interests.

Why offer screens in the first place? Indeed.
But take a look around.

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 09:38

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 09:26

It is just an idea though and the people with young children don't know that boredom now will gave a long term positive impact and reduce screen use when older. Having had more experience of bringing up children i think boredom has a negative impact generally. And if they are young why offer screens in the first place?

I don't advocate hours of 'boredom.'

And it's something I came to naturally and under my own steam where I didn't always jump in and entertain my kids, but let them generate their own ideas. Which they do according to their interests.

Why offer screens in the first place? Indeed.
But take a look around.

The fact that your children have their own ideas doesn't mean lack of parental input or boredom has had a positive impact though. I think it would have happened anyway as it did years ago when people didn't think boredom was a good thing.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 09:47

I think it would have happened anyway as it did years ago when people didn't think boredom was a good thing.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 09:49

I think it would have happened anyway as it did years ago when people didn't think boredom was a good thing.

People years ago didn't contend with screens.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 09:50

Also my kids don't have 'a lack of parental input' .

It's not black or white. It's about balance.

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 09:57

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 09:50

Also my kids don't have 'a lack of parental input' .

It's not black or white. It's about balance.

Presumably they are more bored and have less parental input than average though.

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 10:02

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 09:49

I think it would have happened anyway as it did years ago when people didn't think boredom was a good thing.

People years ago didn't contend with screens.

Parents don't have to contend with screens now if children are young. Just don't give them access.

NumberTheory · 01/07/2023 10:06

I think it would have happened anyway as it did years ago when people didn't think boredom was a good thing.

People didn’t talk about boredom as a good thing the way it’s sometimes talked about now, but they didn’t see it as something that needed parental involvement to avoid. I remember “Only boring people get bored” being the standard response to any complaint about boredom way back in the 70s. The idea being you should go off and entertain yourself.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 10:07

Than average? You what? What is average?

More bored? They're not bored though.

Boredom is only a constant state if you don't innate or innovate entertainment.

They have the habit of doing this. They've learnt this habit .

You seem to think advocating a bit of boredom means kids sat round listlessly rather than as the catalyst for other self generated activity. ( the good bit )

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 10:09

Parents don't have to contend with screens now if children are young. Just don't give them access.

I'm not talking about tiny children.

P1ckledonionz · 01/07/2023 10:10

Blingb · 28/06/2023 16:30

Obviously it means off screens!

This!

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 10:17

People didn’t talk about boredom as a good thing the way it’s sometimes talked about now, but they didn’t see it as something that needed parental involvement to avoid. I remember “Only boring people get bored” being the standard response to any complaint about boredom way back in the 70s. The idea being you should go off and entertain yourself.

Exactly.

They didn't see it as a good thing because they didn't contend with screens.

NumberTheory · 01/07/2023 10:38

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 10:17

People didn’t talk about boredom as a good thing the way it’s sometimes talked about now, but they didn’t see it as something that needed parental involvement to avoid. I remember “Only boring people get bored” being the standard response to any complaint about boredom way back in the 70s. The idea being you should go off and entertain yourself.

Exactly.

They didn't see it as a good thing because they didn't contend with screens.

But we did have screens. All the talk about the dire state of children because of TV foreshadowed the current concern over Internet screens.

We had the TV program Why Don’t You…? urging us to stop watching and go and do something more interesting instead. There was worry about spending too much time in front of the TV ruining your eyesight. And lots of horror at the sorts things we might learn if we watched the wrong program (or anything at all on ITV if you came from a posh family).

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 10:42

Yep there were screens. TV was invented.

But literally no comparison to now.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 10:43

I remember sitting waiting ( test card ) for jackanory to start.

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 10:44

NumberTheory · 01/07/2023 10:06

I think it would have happened anyway as it did years ago when people didn't think boredom was a good thing.

People didn’t talk about boredom as a good thing the way it’s sometimes talked about now, but they didn’t see it as something that needed parental involvement to avoid. I remember “Only boring people get bored” being the standard response to any complaint about boredom way back in the 70s. The idea being you should go off and entertain yourself.

I was only going back 20 years ago when my own children were young. No-one argued that boredom was a good thing or that less parental involvement was good. Quite the opposite.

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 10:48

NumberTheory · 01/07/2023 10:38

But we did have screens. All the talk about the dire state of children because of TV foreshadowed the current concern over Internet screens.

We had the TV program Why Don’t You…? urging us to stop watching and go and do something more interesting instead. There was worry about spending too much time in front of the TV ruining your eyesight. And lots of horror at the sorts things we might learn if we watched the wrong program (or anything at all on ITV if you came from a posh family).

Yes, there were tvs and people certainly were concerned about children watching too much. They didn't argue that reducing parental involvement or scheduled activities would be a good way of reducing TV as suggested by some posters here. That seems a bizarre and contradictory argument to me.

JassyRadlett · 01/07/2023 11:05

Yes, there were tvs and people certainly were concerned about children watching too much. They didn't argue that reducing parental involvement or scheduled activities would be a good way of reducing TV as suggested by some posters here. That seems a bizarre and contradictory argument to me.

No one has argued that. Or an analogous argument when it comes to screens. Stop making shit up.

People have argued that when you reduce TV/screens, completely filling that gap with organised, adult-led and adult-coordinated activities isn't necessarily beneficial either.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 11:07

Yes, there were tvs and people certainly were concerned about children watching too much. They didn't argue that reducing parental involvement or scheduled activities would be a good way of reducing TV as suggested by some posters here. That seems a bizarre and contradictory argument to

TV or screens 20 years ago was a totally different beast to now. You constantly ignore that.

You also seem intent on ignoring the use of 'boredom' as a catalyst for self generated play/activity.

I've seen the positive effects in my own kids lives. Generated by our own experience. In response to an onslaught of screens. It's not about "less parental involvement ". It can actually be more involved.

TimeToMoveIt · 01/07/2023 11:58

20 years ago kids could watch TV all day if allowed to, possible less online gaming . Although I think the PlayStation went online in 2006 .

jannier · 01/07/2023 13:37

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 09:38

The fact that your children have their own ideas doesn't mean lack of parental input or boredom has had a positive impact though. I think it would have happened anyway as it did years ago when people didn't think boredom was a good thing.

It wouldn't happen if they do nothing but play screen games all day when you take a group of 8 to 13 year olds give them loads of craft stuff and they can't think of anything to do with it, you ask about their interests it's gaming, you ask what they read...they don't....it's scary

jannier · 01/07/2023 13:38

TimeToMoveIt · 01/07/2023 11:58

20 years ago kids could watch TV all day if allowed to, possible less online gaming . Although I think the PlayStation went online in 2006 .

Unlikely as kids TV wasn't 24 hours then.

Dragonfly909 · 01/07/2023 13:47

I tried to take my nearly 3 year old to the park yesterday morning, but she kept procrastinating, finding toys to play with and things to do rather than get ready to leave. In the end I said 'do you want to stay at home and play instead?' And she said yes. I thought maybe that was one of those moments where I was overscheduling her and actually she wanted to just potter around for a while. So maybe it's about giving them the chance to entertain themselves now and then. She does watch a lot of TV, in case this sounds a bit too ideal and like we don't rely on screens, we very much do!

BogRollBOGOF · 01/07/2023 14:25

20 years ago was the early days of digital, multi-channel TV. Media was still professional and edited. It wasn't as easy to go on a screen and be auto-filled with content as it is now.

In my 90s childhood, children's TV was in limited windows, and you'd get to a point where something like Songs of Praise or The Antiques Road show would make you conceed that going off to read a book, draw or copy the top 10 onto cassette was probably a better idea

Screens have their benefits, but screen free time to do something else is also important for mental and physical wellbeing.

Being bored is a state of not having much to do in that moment. It lets the brain wonder and process. It allows the chance to self-motivate and find something else engaging to do. Until recent years, that state occured naturally a lot, in the same way that people didn't have to think about exercise when they walked and did everything manually.

NumberTheory · 01/07/2023 14:28

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 10:48

Yes, there were tvs and people certainly were concerned about children watching too much. They didn't argue that reducing parental involvement or scheduled activities would be a good way of reducing TV as suggested by some posters here. That seems a bizarre and contradictory argument to me.

They didn’t reduce parental involvement because there was virtually no parental involvement. If they didn’t want them watching TV they just banned TV or kicked them outside for the day. They didn’t schedule activities to fill the gap, they let kids fill the gap for themselves.

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