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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that the current vogue for allowing kids to be "bored" is a bit misguided

241 replies

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/06/2023 16:18

Have been thinking about this a lot recently, prompted by posts on here and things in the media. It's become very fashionable for people to talk about how important it is for children to be allowed to "be bored" sometimes.

I totally understand and support the principle of this: which is that overzealous scheduling and helicopter parenting is not great for many kids. I think there is a place for not having your entire life planned out from dawn to dusk and for learning to entertain yourself.

But in reality I think this "leave them to get bored" is often quite unworkable. Once kids get "bored" these days they invariably reach for screens. Now, obviously it's up to us as parents to manage this. But there's a limit to how much you can police this, short of removing all devices. It would be great if "being bored" always meant directing kids out to rough and tumble play in the hayfields or making dens in the living room or finger painting, but that usually isn't what it means. It either means screen time or it means getting into things they shouldn't. Stopping this happening means endless policing of what they do. So, forgive me but given the choice I'd rather my kid was doing an after-school club than playing four hours of Minecraft (sorry Minecraft) or watching TV or being bullied by me to be "creatively bored".

"Constructive" boredom as its preached is one of these lovely ideas (a bit like "free range" parenting) that's much much easier to achieve if you have a huge five-bedroom pile in the home counties than if you live in a cramped two bed flat (from which you also work). It's pretty unworkable for most parents and I'm starting to find it increasingly irritating when people parrot this as if it were a solution to all parenting dilemmas.

OP posts:
TimeToMoveIt · 01/07/2023 17:58

jannier · 01/07/2023 13:38

Unlikely as kids TV wasn't 24 hours then.

Cbeebies and cbbc have been going since 2002 and have always been 12 hours

On demand started in 1995 so yes there was something they could watch 24 hours a day

jannier · 01/07/2023 18:37

TimeToMoveIt · 01/07/2023 17:58

Cbeebies and cbbc have been going since 2002 and have always been 12 hours

On demand started in 1995 so yes there was something they could watch 24 hours a day

Most people didn't have on demand TV though did they? dial up internet was common or none at all and satellite TV just starting . You watched videos then with a few having early dvd players.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 18:53

*Cbeebies and cbbc have been going since 2002 and have always been 12 hours

On demand started in 1995 so yes there was something they could watch 24 hours a day*

Please this is splitting hairs.

And you could have played VIdeo Tapes ( remember them) 24 hrs a day !!!!🤷‍♀️

But it goes without saying unless you live under a rock that the digital landscape is a totally different beast now.

ipads, smart phones, you tube, x box, play station, and everything in between. Your average 12 yr old has access to the an ever change my stream of entertainment on TicTock, Instagram, Snap Chat and the rest. It's a tsunami that doesn't compare to 20 years ago.

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 19:24

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 10:07

Than average? You what? What is average?

More bored? They're not bored though.

Boredom is only a constant state if you don't innate or innovate entertainment.

They have the habit of doing this. They've learnt this habit .

You seem to think advocating a bit of boredom means kids sat round listlessly rather than as the catalyst for other self generated activity. ( the good bit )

People didn't used to actually advocate boredom though (however little) and kids still learned to entertain themselves. This suggests boredom isn't required and may not be a catalyst long term. Before you say that this was "before screens" it is pretty easy not to use them in the case of young children. Why not try that and play with the children so they become able to amuse themselves rather than advocating boredom.

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 19:29

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 18:53

*Cbeebies and cbbc have been going since 2002 and have always been 12 hours

On demand started in 1995 so yes there was something they could watch 24 hours a day*

Please this is splitting hairs.

And you could have played VIdeo Tapes ( remember them) 24 hrs a day !!!!🤷‍♀️

But it goes without saying unless you live under a rock that the digital landscape is a totally different beast now.

ipads, smart phones, you tube, x box, play station, and everything in between. Your average 12 yr old has access to the an ever change my stream of entertainment on TicTock, Instagram, Snap Chat and the rest. It's a tsunami that doesn't compare to 20 years ago.

You don't have to give young children ipads, smart phones etc. I appreciate they generally have them by 12 but you can limit them at that age and they will be able to entertain themselves without screens if they haven't previously had them.

TimeToMoveIt · 01/07/2023 19:29

Dial up? We had broadband through NTL in the early 2000s Facebook and YouTube have been going since about 2004

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 19:38

People didn't used to actually advocate boredom though (however little) and kids still learned to entertain themselves. This suggests boredom isn't required and may not be a catalyst long term. Before you say that this was "before screens" it is pretty easy not to use them in the case of young children. Why not try that and play with the children so they become able to amuse themselves rather than advocating boredom.

Of course I played with my kids when they were little, when did I say I didn't?

As I said before, and what you haven't taken on board at all, is that I'm talking about older kids anyway. More like in the OP.

People might not have advocated boredom but they certainly used to expect kids to get on with it under their own steam, in years gone by - as a poster mentioned on here. "only boring people get bored" Same sort of thing.

I don't actually want my kids to be bored. I want them too learn how to entertain themselves and I think a bit of boredom does that.

The landscape is different now which makes a massive difference, and which you won't acknowledge either.

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 20:19

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 19:38

People didn't used to actually advocate boredom though (however little) and kids still learned to entertain themselves. This suggests boredom isn't required and may not be a catalyst long term. Before you say that this was "before screens" it is pretty easy not to use them in the case of young children. Why not try that and play with the children so they become able to amuse themselves rather than advocating boredom.

Of course I played with my kids when they were little, when did I say I didn't?

As I said before, and what you haven't taken on board at all, is that I'm talking about older kids anyway. More like in the OP.

People might not have advocated boredom but they certainly used to expect kids to get on with it under their own steam, in years gone by - as a poster mentioned on here. "only boring people get bored" Same sort of thing.

I don't actually want my kids to be bored. I want them too learn how to entertain themselves and I think a bit of boredom does that.

The landscape is different now which makes a massive difference, and which you won't acknowledge either.

If your children are older why haven't they already learned how to entertain themselves? Most children can by 12 so if yours can't perhaps boredom isn't working. I am not acknowledging that the landscape was totally different 20 years ago because I don't think it was and as i was a parent then I think I would know.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 20:27

If your children are older why haven't they already learned how to entertain themselves? Most children can by 12 so if yours can't perhaps boredom isn't working. I am not acknowledging that the landscape was totally different 20 years ago because I don't think it was and as i was a parent then I think I would know.

Yep it is different. See TikTok, Instagram, Smart Phones, IPads, Gaming on line etc

Re My kids. They can. And it does work.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 20:31

*Perhaps boredom isn't working

Also @WomblingTree86 I don't really think you understand the concept anyway. It's boredom as a road to their own activity.

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 20:40

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 20:27

If your children are older why haven't they already learned how to entertain themselves? Most children can by 12 so if yours can't perhaps boredom isn't working. I am not acknowledging that the landscape was totally different 20 years ago because I don't think it was and as i was a parent then I think I would know.

Yep it is different. See TikTok, Instagram, Smart Phones, IPads, Gaming on line etc

Re My kids. They can. And it does work.

That doesn't mean it is different as you don't have to let them use tiktok, instragram, smart phones when they are under 12 and it doesn't explain why they can't entertain themselves without screens. After 12 you can limit use.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 21:01

That doesn't mean it is different as you don't have to let them use tiktok, instragram, smart phones when they are under 12 and it doesn't explain why they can't entertain themselves without screens. After 12 you can limit use.

I don't say my kids couldn't entertain themselves. 🙄 You are just not taking anything on board.

I said I didn't step in to entertain them.

And if you don't think it's a different landscape what can anyone say🤦‍♀️ Screens have changed everything.

You should be advising the government on screen use. It's so simple!

WomblingTree86 · 01/07/2023 21:15

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 21:01

That doesn't mean it is different as you don't have to let them use tiktok, instragram, smart phones when they are under 12 and it doesn't explain why they can't entertain themselves without screens. After 12 you can limit use.

I don't say my kids couldn't entertain themselves. 🙄 You are just not taking anything on board.

I said I didn't step in to entertain them.

And if you don't think it's a different landscape what can anyone say🤦‍♀️ Screens have changed everything.

You should be advising the government on screen use. It's so simple!

How have screens changed everything? If you don't let younger children use them your situation is no different now than it was 20 years ago.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 21:33

How have screens changed everything? If you don't let younger children use them your situation is no different now than it was 20 years ago.

I give up.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/07/2023 21:37

Frankly you seem to be in a bubble.

Just limit use. Exactly. Easy. You've got it sorted like I said.

TimeToMoveIt · 01/07/2023 21:46

My 2nd ds is 20, he doesn't remember a time without Internet because it was around before he was born

There was online Minecraft and roblox before he was 5 , xbox and PlayStation online, tablets etc

No Snapchat or ticktok but then my 12 and 10 year olds don't have them . You can say no

Kids have been watching shite on YouTube since he was little as well

No different to know ime

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