To think that the current vogue for allowing kids to be "bored" is a bit misguided

[Thepeopleversuswork]

Have been thinking about this a lot recently, prompted by posts on here and things in the media. It's become very fashionable for people to talk about how important it is for children to be allowed to "be bored" sometimes.

I totally understand and support the principle of this: which is that overzealous scheduling and helicopter parenting is not great for many kids. I think there is a place for not having your entire life planned out from dawn to dusk and for learning to entertain yourself.

But in reality I think this "leave them to get bored" is often quite unworkable. Once kids get "bored" these days they invariably reach for screens. Now, obviously it's up to us as parents to manage this. But there's a limit to how much you can police this, short of removing all devices. It would be great if "being bored" always meant directing kids out to rough and tumble play in the hayfields or making dens in the living room or finger painting, but that usually isn't what it means. It either means screen time or it means getting into things they shouldn't. Stopping this happening means endless policing of what they do. So, forgive me but given the choice I'd rather my kid was doing an after-school club than playing four hours of Minecraft (sorry Minecraft) or watching TV or being bullied by me to be "creatively bored".

"Constructive" boredom as its preached is one of these lovely ideas (a bit like "free range" parenting) that's much much easier to achieve if you have a huge five-bedroom pile in the home counties than if you live in a cramped two bed flat (from which you also work). It's pretty unworkable for most parents and I'm starting to find it increasingly irritating when people parrot this as if it were a solution to all parenting dilemmas.

I haven't suggested children should play games all the time.

My point is that children will learn to entertain themselves without enforced boredom.

My point is that children will learn to entertain themselves without enforced boredom.

Who 'enforces boredom' ?

I just don't jump in and entertain every time.

Lol at being 12 being a drip feed. Plenty of kids are 12! Especially ones who are pushy about device time.

haven't suggested children should play games all the time.

Do you have much experience of young children and screens?

Of course bored children want screens. The idea is not to allow the screens and after they have passed through a fairly painful moaning phase they eventually find something to do. If you allow the screens and they are used to having them then that's what they will do. Having bored children is harder work for parents too. I admit to letting my children have too much screen time just to make my own life easier!
For a 12 year old who's not home that much you probably need to get rid of screens completely for 2 weeks before she'll start to be able to be comfortable without them.

Given that very young kids sit in pushchairs, cars and trolleys attached to a device and seem to struggle to do anything at all that does not involve a screen or a snack I think society has a big problem coming up.

For me , letting them."be bored" means removing screens. I don't mind TV, but not YouTube etc. They will only watch so much mainstream telly.

Pre school children don't get bored they play unless you've taught them to only play with you rather than give balance.
Older children have been encouraged to use screens from early childhood with many being sat in front of them at every opportunity...eating I'm pushchairs even when in the woods basically as an extension of dummies then as they get older things like no where too busy to get the toys out or too much mess. Over the years I've had many toys given to me because the kids are too old for them... they are brand new toys and the too old kids don't stop playing with them.

You haven't failed as a parent, you've done your best to spend time with your daughter. It's the modern world that's making things difficult. I think you can do 2 things - firstly, enable her to socialise face to face with friends as much as possible. And secondly she is old enough now that you can talk to her about the benefits of non screen activities and decide together what limits you will put on. Maybe an hour before bedtime of screen free time. Help her think of things to do during that time, maybe provide some materials. Maybe you can have an hour screen free too and do something alongside whether reading a book etc. but not actively entertaining her.

You are not making a lot of sense.

No because they didn't exist when my children were young. No-one suggested they needed to be bored then either. I played with my children when preschool age and as they got older they played with their friends, read books, watched TV etc etc. It happens naturally with no boredom required.

I think if you're child can't be 'bored' and needs a device there is something very wrong with them

No because they didn't exist when my children were young. No-one suggested they needed to be bored then either. I played with my children when preschool age and as they got older they played with their friends, read books, watched TV etc etc. It happens naturally with no boredom required.

With respect - if you haven't juggled the impact of screens on children I'm not sure you would really get the idea of boredom having a positive impact.

I think the idea has come as a direct result of the impact of screens and also over scheduling.

Agree and probably also big cause of so many behavioural issues and even issues like ADHD. Kids should be running around to burn off energy and using their brains (playing, using their imagination etc). Instead of being spoon fed everything. It's not natural.
I don't understand why so many kids have to be constantly supervised and entertained, mine can easily entertain themselves with toys or books or anything, and always have done this from birth.

Absolutely. It's disturbing that a child (even a baby!) needs a screen all the time, what wrong with just looking out and observing your surroundings. Definitely the parents fault for even introducing them at such a young age

I’ve a friend who’s an only child, born to parents who were older when they had her (dad was in his 50s.) When she was little, they used to put her in a room on her own and tell her she had to learn to entertain herself. It struck me as so unnecessarily unkind to isolate her and deprive her of company.

it doesn’t have to be full-on devoted attention, but side by side inclusion is important. At 12, ask her to do a few errands - go to the post office, buy birthday cards, return library books - that give her independence. For screen time (negotiable) ask her to research things to do on holidays, or create a Pinterest board for a shopping trip.

I would rather my kids played 4 hours of Minecraft a couple of nights a week and went to clubs a couple of nights a week than went to clubs 4 nights a week.

Left to be bored with screens one of my kids has become a prolific writer, winning competitions and getting published in journals, and created animations for youtube that have earned hundreds of pounds. The other has taught herself Latin, some quantum theory, Python and worked through her school’s maths curriculum so that she’s now 2 years ahead. They’ve both developed a keen interest in musicals.

They’ve also watched a lot of trash TV and have significant online discussions with friends on two continents.

They are self-motivated and able to entertain themselves.

It’s been really positive for us.

They also have plenty of time without screens when they entertain themselves - some along the same lines but on paper, not a screen, some much more IRL like board games, etc. But the screens add a richness and a degree of social interaction they don’t get without them (as no other kids round our way).

I think your children are the exception to the rule tbh, and probably naturally bright. Most teens and young adults I see have very little social skills, are constantly on their phones and have serious anxiety issues. I can only assume it'll get worse as so many jobs are wfh. I think it's the inability to not constantly be scrolling through something that is the underlying issue. Adults are becoming more like this too. Devices are addictive, no doubt about it

My kids are pretty bright, but the other kids they interact with online (many of whom they also know IRL) run the gamut. While most are as “accomplished” in the sense of succeeding academically etc., they are still doing all sorts of things that are beneficial to becoming their own person - learning from each other, exchanging ideas and developing their understanding of the world and how they fit into it. They’re also developing great online communication skills - which are going to be even more important as they get older.

There are issues when kids go down the wrong rabbit holes online, so we do keep an eye on things. And we have lots of discussions about peer pressure that include how to cope with it online and how not to pressure others. But it’s also not as though kids haven’t got into trouble with bad influences in real life groups like sports teams. When I was their age I was dodging the pressure to drink, smoke and have sex at my Church youth group.

At your church group! I think that warrants is own thread 😁

It sounds like a salacious tale, but it was just normal teenage stuff really. It seems like most of the girls I knew who went to church groups smoked, drank and lost their virginity on a church residential but that's just because that was where they socialised. If they'd been into musical theatre they'd have done it there.

Kids who teach themselves latin and get 2 years ahead of their maths curriculum whilst developing a keen interest in musicals have no problem managing their screen time and sound like they can self regulate perfectly.

But Kids who zone out all day on X box or tick-tock. They probably can not.

They need a break. And they will be bored. Until they're not.

It's all a matter of balance. It's not black and white.

I've clearly led a sheltered life! 😅

It is just an idea though and the people with young children don't know that boredom now will gave a long term positive impact and reduce screen use when older. Having had more experience of bringing up children i think boredom has a negative impact generally. And if they are young why offer screens in the first place?