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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be outraged that DH has spent the cost of a luxury car on guitars?

112 replies

LuthierVandross · 28/06/2023 09:05

DH is incredibly hardworking and supportive. Pretty much everything he earns goes on investments or into family coffers, aside from the odd (and I mean odd!) Warhammer figure, pair of trainers or bit of guitar kit. We have a really good standard of living and none of us wants for anything. He drives a six year old Focus and is happy with that.

When DFIL was dying he asked each of his boys to spend at least some of their inheritance on something special to them. Not the family (there was money for that too, just them). DH and I thought this was a lovely last wish. DH has spent about 10% of his inheritance (still a large sum) on commissioning a beautiful handmade electric guitar from a famous luthier. He has also bought a covetable vintage guitar and is flying out to the States to collect it (CA, but via the pop museum in Seattle, with DS13).

I thought that this was a rather splendid thing to do, but an old, close friend has heard about it (via her DH and his pub discussions with DH) and is outraged on my behalf. Cue a long, horrified WhatsApp message this morning out of the blue. Apparently it is extremely selfish for DH to spend so much money in this way, he could have bought a Tesla for us all to enjoy ( I have a Fiesta, it’s fine, friend has a Tesla and loves it) and I should be asking for an equivalent sum of money to spend on myself. There’s an undertone of a suggestion that I’m somehow being financially abused.

Am I missing something? Am I being the mug she seems to think I am?

OP posts:
BiscuitsandPuffin · 28/06/2023 09:08

Is this a stealth brag? If you're happy and DH is happy why should you care what anyone else thinks? And why are you and your DH telling other people your financial business for them to judge the amounts of money you're spending? Maybe she is worried for you given there's a CoL crisis and many people are struggling? Seems a bit tone deaf to go around bragging about it tbh.

OrlandointheWilderness · 28/06/2023 09:09

No, it's a lovely way for him to spend his money from his father. The whole point was to do that! And why the fuck would you want a Tesla!?! 😂

Hugasauras · 28/06/2023 09:10

What's it got to do with her in the first place?

It sounds like he's doing what his dad wanted and there will be plenty of money left for the future. It's a really nice idea - my mum has stage 4 cancer so has been talking to me lately about her will and wishes and one of the things she suggested we do with the money was have a lovely family holiday somewhere, so we will be doing that.

I think she's fallen into the trap of thinking everyone wants what she wants. I'm happy with my 6-year-old Citroen, I don't want or need a Tesla and wouldn't spend the money on one if I had it!

OrlandointheWilderness · 28/06/2023 09:11

BiscuitsandPuffin · 28/06/2023 09:08

Is this a stealth brag? If you're happy and DH is happy why should you care what anyone else thinks? And why are you and your DH telling other people your financial business for them to judge the amounts of money you're spending? Maybe she is worried for you given there's a CoL crisis and many people are struggling? Seems a bit tone deaf to go around bragging about it tbh.

The OP didn't go around bragging about it! Her DH happened to be discussing it, which is what people do!

PizzaPastaWine · 28/06/2023 09:11

Sounds like your DH has honoured his DFs wishes perfectly.

I'd tell your friend it is none of her business and proceed with caution moving forward.

Kaibashira · 28/06/2023 09:12

He did what his dad asked. That guitar can be handed down to your DS.
Your friend needs to wind her neck in.
And I hardly think talking about honouring your late father's wish is "bragging" or "tone deaf".

Zanatdy · 28/06/2023 09:12

None of the friends business whatsoever

Lidlpopdrinker · 28/06/2023 09:13

Yes, how wonderful that your husband can spend shit loads of money on guitars. I would too if I had it. That was a fabulous brag there, and you know you don’t give a shit what this other person thinks.

PizzaPastaWine · 28/06/2023 09:13

BiscuitsandPuffin · 28/06/2023 09:08

Is this a stealth brag? If you're happy and DH is happy why should you care what anyone else thinks? And why are you and your DH telling other people your financial business for them to judge the amounts of money you're spending? Maybe she is worried for you given there's a CoL crisis and many people are struggling? Seems a bit tone deaf to go around bragging about it tbh.

So only posts from people on the breadline are acceptable?

ssd · 28/06/2023 09:14

Jolly super old thing

AutumnCrow · 28/06/2023 09:15

I know it's just me, but any use of language in the mode of 'luxury car', 'luxury watches', 'luxury holidays' etc just screams 'Daily Mail reporting, deadline 18.00 hours'.

Ultravox · 28/06/2023 09:16

I can’t understand your friend’s viewpoint at all. Cars depreciate in value and won’t “mean” anything to your husband. The guitars sound so special and personal. They’ll be family heirlooms! Just ignore her.

RoseBucket · 28/06/2023 09:16

I think it’s a Tesla thing, I only know two people with Teslas and they bang on about them all the time, do they receive a referral commission ?! I couldn’t tell you what others people cars are, no one else I know seems to be so vocal about their cars.

Bring on the Tesla offended…

GasPanic · 28/06/2023 09:17

Some people don't get the idea that other people might actually value something different to what they do. It's called lack of empathy.

I think everyone has their "ludicrous object" that they would like to buy if money was no object. I've been looking at a Ado Chale coffee tables recently. They are stunning and highly expensive, and would look completely out of place in my bog standard semi. But I love them.

As for your husbands guitars, they are probably a far better investment than a Tesla.

It's great that he has something to remember his father.

Shortpoet · 28/06/2023 09:17

You can’t play Stairway to Heaven on a Tesla though.

RoseBucket · 28/06/2023 09:17

Shortpoet · 28/06/2023 09:17

You can’t play Stairway to Heaven on a Tesla though.

😂👏

AlyssumandHelianthus · 28/06/2023 09:17

She doesn't have the full picture. I'd ignore.

Littlethingsmeanalot · 28/06/2023 09:18

Your “friend” is being weird

Sundaefraise · 28/06/2023 09:19

Lidlpopdrinker · 28/06/2023 09:13

Yes, how wonderful that your husband can spend shit loads of money on guitars. I would too if I had it. That was a fabulous brag there, and you know you don’t give a shit what this other person thinks.

This. You’ve got a great standard of living and you don’t care that he has spent loads of money on guitars. I’m not sure what you need us to say?

BitOutOfPractice · 28/06/2023 09:19

I’d text back: I mean this with love, but do mind your own fucking business.

whatatime · 28/06/2023 09:20

BiscuitsandPuffin · 28/06/2023 09:08

Is this a stealth brag? If you're happy and DH is happy why should you care what anyone else thinks? And why are you and your DH telling other people your financial business for them to judge the amounts of money you're spending? Maybe she is worried for you given there's a CoL crisis and many people are struggling? Seems a bit tone deaf to go around bragging about it tbh.

Telling your friend about something to do with your hobby that you are excited about is a fairly standard thing! Of course given the nature it would probably lead to a discussion about how he was affording it but again that's a pretty normal conversation in my eyes.

Jarstastic · 28/06/2023 09:21

Does friend know about the other 90%?

ThoseClementineShoes · 28/06/2023 09:21

How do you know if someone drives a Tesla?

They’ll tell you.

EllaRaines · 28/06/2023 09:23

That is no friend. She's a shit stirrer and everything she said makes her sound deranged, jealous and over invested in the lives of others.

She has messaged you with the angle that your husband is being unfair to you not because she thinks that is true but so that she plants the seed of doubt in your mind and you and your husband have a row.

That's what she wants, as her own marriage is lacking so she wants others to suffer.

Nasty, jealous and spiteful woman who you need to cut off before she gets more involved and causes trouble.

Peony654 · 28/06/2023 09:23

Just text back 'none of your business'. Why does a showy car trump a meaningful musical instrument