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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be outraged that DH has spent the cost of a luxury car on guitars?

112 replies

LuthierVandross · 28/06/2023 09:05

DH is incredibly hardworking and supportive. Pretty much everything he earns goes on investments or into family coffers, aside from the odd (and I mean odd!) Warhammer figure, pair of trainers or bit of guitar kit. We have a really good standard of living and none of us wants for anything. He drives a six year old Focus and is happy with that.

When DFIL was dying he asked each of his boys to spend at least some of their inheritance on something special to them. Not the family (there was money for that too, just them). DH and I thought this was a lovely last wish. DH has spent about 10% of his inheritance (still a large sum) on commissioning a beautiful handmade electric guitar from a famous luthier. He has also bought a covetable vintage guitar and is flying out to the States to collect it (CA, but via the pop museum in Seattle, with DS13).

I thought that this was a rather splendid thing to do, but an old, close friend has heard about it (via her DH and his pub discussions with DH) and is outraged on my behalf. Cue a long, horrified WhatsApp message this morning out of the blue. Apparently it is extremely selfish for DH to spend so much money in this way, he could have bought a Tesla for us all to enjoy ( I have a Fiesta, it’s fine, friend has a Tesla and loves it) and I should be asking for an equivalent sum of money to spend on myself. There’s an undertone of a suggestion that I’m somehow being financially abused.

Am I missing something? Am I being the mug she seems to think I am?

OP posts:
Rewis · 28/06/2023 11:09

Maybe the friend got the impression that husband used all the inheritance on the guitar? I mean it's obviously none of their business and Tesla would be a shit thing to buy. Just tell her that you encouraged him to get the guitar and your finances are none of their business.

Comefromaway · 28/06/2023 11:11

I think its a great use of the money.

If my dh had 50k to spend on himself and we were secure in our family finances no way would he be buying a Tesla. Our digital piano would be being swopped for a Yamaha concert grand!

britnay · 28/06/2023 11:12

A decent guitar is a pretty good investment and a joy to play :)

Avondale89 · 28/06/2023 11:15

What’s the point of this thread? I struggle to believe you actually care what this person thinks. Clearly your DH can afford to treat himself, you state you have a really good standard of living. Excellent. Crack on and I hope he enjoys the guitars. What’s the angst about? Or is it just boasting?

MooMooSharoo · 28/06/2023 11:21

When I inherited (a small!) amount of money, I made sure to split it so some went to the family pot to make some home improvements, but to also buy something sentimental to remember my relative by. I think it's a perfect way of honouring the person leaving the bequest.

Ultimately your DH has done exactly what his father wished - where's the wrong in that?!

It sounds to me that your friend's husband wouldn't be allowed to get away with similar, so perhaps your friend would be guilty herself of financial abuse if the tables were turned!

I'm minded to say that a vintage guitar and a custom made one will hold their value a hell of a lot better than a Tesla!

InconvenientPeg · 28/06/2023 11:28

It sounds like an amazing use of an inheritance. My mum bought a fairly chunky diamond ring when she inherited some money, they didn't need the money for anything day to day, she wears it all the time and gets pleasure from it, which is exactly what the person leaving the money would have wanted.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 28/06/2023 11:51

It's his inheritance... not yours so no he's not wrong

rwalker · 28/06/2023 11:56

He’ll still have the guitars and no doubt some value long after the Tesla is in the scrapyard

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 28/06/2023 11:59

None of your business 'old close friend' jog on with your opinions.

user1469908585 · 28/06/2023 12:00

I’d imagine an expensive guitar keeps its value as well as anything, and probably far better than a car will! I’d just ignore her…but wouldn’t forget her interfering/nosiness!

Gateappreciation · 28/06/2023 12:01

“Sounds like your DH has honoured his DFs wishes perfectly. “

This, providing you can afford all your regular bills, etc

Brbreeze · 28/06/2023 12:03

None of her business.
My husband also has a large collection of expensive guitars. I'd rather waste my money on horses, but his hobby is definitely a better in investment! All of his guitars are worth a fair bit more now than when he bought them between 5-20years ago.

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/06/2023 12:03

Your friend is rude and nosey. His money, he can spend it on beer and sweets if he wants to.
You were perfectly happy before she stuck her beak in. Ignore.

GiveOverRover · 28/06/2023 12:05

The only unreasonable thing is the long horrified message from the friend.
What she would choose to spend her inheritance on is her business, if she chose to buy a Tesla, it would be no business of yours and vice versa.
She judges you because of your choice in vehicles, and thinks you should drive a better car.

Alsobeyondshit · 28/06/2023 12:07

Threads like this absolutely baffle me. You KNOW you're not being unreasonable. So why are you asking?

DisforDarkChocolate · 28/06/2023 12:08

I think it sounds like a lovely way to honour is Dad's wishes. I also think they will hold their value better than a Tesla and he gets time with his son on the trip.

Ignore and enjoy.

BCCoach · 28/06/2023 12:14

YANBU. Point out to your friend that cars only depreciate, whereas vintage guitars are appreciating assets and very good investments. The custom built guitar may appreciate, but even if it doesn't is unlikely to lose much value unlike a car which is basically worthless after 10 years. Anything 'vintage' in the music world is like catnip to collectors: check out vintage amplifiers, synthesisers, even guitar effects pedals on Reverb and compare to the original sale price.

NotSorry · 28/06/2023 12:16

My husband inherited nowhere near as much as your husband from his mum and he spent the whole lot on a watch - I was happy that he bought something to remember her by - it's none of your friend's business

whumpthereitis · 28/06/2023 12:18

You’ll always find people very happy to spend your money for you, who get mad when you spend it on something they don’t approve of.

MiddleParking · 28/06/2023 12:22

I used to be completely indifferent to cars until we got a Tesla. I hate that fucking thing with a passion.

Sceptre86 · 28/06/2023 12:23

You can talk about finances without bragging. Some people have more money, others have less that's just how it is. The op's husband was talking to his friend about guitars which clearly he loves. I don't see the issue. It was his inheritance, from his dad who asked him to spend it on something he loves He is honouring his dad. Not everyone wants a bloody tesla. Your friend is annoying and you need to nip her 'concern' in the bud. She can run her family however she wants but when it comes to yours and finances she should butt out.

gogomoto · 28/06/2023 12:23

Sounds really good to be, obviously many people don't have such options but if you have the money, I'm this case a directed inheritance, just occasionally it's great to not be ultra sensible (not that I would buy a Tesla ever!)

Taking your ds with him is a lovely thing to do too, the pop museum is good and tell him to go to see jimi hendrix's grave if they have time, a must for guitar fans. The science museum is my the pop museum, and lunch up the top of the space needle is overpriced but great views!

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 28/06/2023 12:26

Lidlpopdrinker · 28/06/2023 09:25

and I bet the handmade guitar is a PJE.

all the bangingist guitars in the world mean shit unless you can rock them though, and he’ll be scared to gig them because they are too nice. I have a 90 LP classic, which go for a few quid, but more like a luxury push bike price rather than a luxury car, but I gig the hell out of it because it’s already banged up to shit, and it sounds and looks great, but more importantly, I can rock the hell out of it.

That's nice, dear.

Shade17 · 28/06/2023 12:35

Good on your DH! Your friend’s a twat who needs to be told to keep their beak out.

Ghosttofu99 · 28/06/2023 12:37

Your friend sounds like a bore. People who think expensive cars impress anyone (other than teens and men having midlife crises maybe) are not living in the real world.

It’s lovely that your husband did something for himself as per his late fathers wishes.