To not be outraged that DH has spent the cost of a luxury car on guitars?

[LuthierVandross]

DH is incredibly hardworking and supportive. Pretty much everything he earns goes on investments or into family coffers, aside from the odd (and I mean odd!) Warhammer figure, pair of trainers or bit of guitar kit. We have a really good standard of living and none of us wants for anything. He drives a six year old Focus and is happy with that.

When DFIL was dying he asked each of his boys to spend at least some of their inheritance on something special to them. Not the family (there was money for that too, just them). DH and I thought this was a lovely last wish. DH has spent about 10% of his inheritance (still a large sum) on commissioning a beautiful handmade electric guitar from a famous luthier. He has also bought a covetable vintage guitar and is flying out to the States to collect it (CA, but via the pop museum in Seattle, with DS13).

I thought that this was a rather splendid thing to do, but an old, close friend has heard about it (via her DH and his pub discussions with DH) and is outraged on my behalf. Cue a long, horrified WhatsApp message this morning out of the blue. Apparently it is extremely selfish for DH to spend so much money in this way, he could have bought a Tesla for us all to enjoy ( I have a Fiesta, it’s fine, friend has a Tesla and loves it) and I should be asking for an equivalent sum of money to spend on myself. There’s an undertone of a suggestion that I’m somehow being financially abused.

Am I missing something? Am I being the mug she seems to think I am?

Oh and Tesla cars are shit!

My husband is big on his guitars, this sounds like a dream come true to him.

what the heck is it about Tesla’s?? If it was a vintage Aston Martin db9 in green, that would be a different story!

and I bet the handmade guitar is a PJE.

all the bangingist guitars in the world mean shit unless you can rock them though, and he’ll be scared to gig them because they are too nice. I have a 90 LP classic, which go for a few quid, but more like a luxury push bike price rather than a luxury car, but I gig the hell out of it because it’s already banged up to shit, and it sounds and looks great, but more importantly, I can rock the hell out of it.

Is your friend sleeping with your husband? Why does she care. If not - ignore her. If so - you have bigger problems. Can he play like Slash? Imagine the guitar solos!

I was friends with a couple who had to buy equivalent luxury goods. If one purchased a brand new something for a couple of hundred quid, the other one had to too. It was a weird way to do things but it made sense to them.

My personal opinion is his inheritance, his choice. Your inheritance, your choice.

Thanks for giving the the perfect reply to her message!

He wasn’t bragging. Bragging isn’t really in his social repertoire. He was banging onto a (also financially comfortable) mate about guitars. It’s what he does.

Bit much! The WhatsApp message that is

You could have so much fun with replying to that message.

DH inherited some money - much less than yours - and spent about 10% of it on his dream guitar. Not seeing the problem at all.

Also not getting why you would need an equivalent sum of money. In our case DH bought me my dream fountain pen, but that happened to cost a lot less than his guitar. I don't need the same amount of money (or any at all really) for it to feel fair, though I obviously appreciated the gesture very much.

Yes they are, plagued by safety issues yet for some reason some seem to covet them as amazing!

OP for someone who is into music and passionate about playing the guitar this is a dream come true and he was not selfish to buy something he will enjoy for the rest of his life (and probably pass down to the children) with a percentage of his inheritance. It's rare opportunities come up to do so, fair enough he took it. Far more important is whether he contributes fairly all of the time which you have said he does.

The friend needs to butt out!

Username checks out.

Bit off topic but I thought Teslas were prone to catching fire randomly? I’d not be wanting one even if I had the money, give me a Saab any day

Not at all financially abusive for your DH to spend his inheritance the way his DF requested. Sounds like your DS gets to enjoy the trip at the same time so there’s that bonus too.

I think someone got trapped inside one that caught fire

I quite like mine
However, I don’t get the fuss about them. I get told regularly in car parks that I have a nice car by other drivers, it’s ok but it’s hardly a bloody Porsche

Anyway OP, I think it’s lovely that your DH is doing that with the money and it’s none of your friends business.

Taking all of the emotion out of this, in terms of financial sense, the guitars are investments. They will almost certainly hold their purchase value, and in all likelihood will increase in value over time.

As a spouse, those investments are yours too.

Tesla's are not a future investment - if anything they're a liability with increasing cost and decreasing value (my company won't allow anyone to have one as a company car because of the reliability and customer service issues).

Taking pure logic out of it. Your husband is doing as his dad asked and using the money for something perfect for him. That's a wonderful thing and I bet your son will have amazing memories of their trip to the States to collect the guitar too. Every time they think of the trip or look at the guitar they'll be reminded of your FIL and his loving last message - that's priceless.

YANBU to think this is a wonderful idea - the 'friend' has skewed priorities and I'd bet that behind closed doors there's acrimony about money and possibly more in their relationship no matter the image they project outside.

Why does your friend feel she can meddle in your affairs like this?
Unless she sees that you neglect your own needs and DH neglects your needs too.
If it's not a problem for you then tell her that.

The guitar pilgrimage sounds amazing.

Do not buy a Tesla. Shit cars that won’t stand the test of time.

Actually, they are they safest car (highest safety rating) available, unless you count the Lucid. They aren't fancy though - they are the new Toyota Camry! Every man and his dog has one.

I think your husband's decision is lovely. If you don't NEED the money, it's a lovely gift for him, and something he wouldn't likely to ever be able to have otherwise.

The whole thing sounds amazing, the FIL encouraging his children to buy something for them (presumably as they’ve raised lovely people who wouldn’t otherwise put themselves first), what DH has chosen to buy, and the pilgrimage with DS to collect it! Exactly the kind of happiness you want an inheritance to bring.

Ignore your impossible rude friend. Tesla’s are pony anyway. It will be worthless in a few years.

How odd. I couldn't imagine caring what a friend does with their inheritance (unless it was a close friend and they were blowing the lot on black jacks and hookers and generally going off the rails). Losing a parent is incredibly shit and I couldn't imagine being cheeky enough to message their wife to offer my opinion on how they should spend their money, massively insensitive!

I think spending 10% of an inheritance on something to remember a loved one is a great and perfectly sensible way to honour their memory.

It’s just something about Tesla drivers OP.

I also have had someone explain to me about how I could have one myself if I just changed certain things. They just don’t understand that I actively don’t want one!

About 10% that is the cost of a Tesla - he's spent £50k on a guitar and travel plans? And that's only 10%?!

<misses point>

How the other half live. Sorry for the loss that has allowed this. Your friend should mind her business.

Tesla people are as irritating as Apple people, when it comes to brand obsession despite the fact that their products are badly made overpriced pieces of shit.

I test drove a Tesla, the build quality and overall driving experience of them is fucking awful.