To not stop DS disturbing DH when he is wfh?

[Mintelderflower]

DH wfh for three days - Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. He is supposed to be at the office Tuesdays and Fridays but often decides to switch days around last minute.

DS attends nursery for three days a week and I have changed these days to accommodate the days Dh is supposed to be in the office because DS is a bit of a nightmare and keeps wanting to play in the room DH is working from and climbing on DH lap, wanting to go out on the bikes (this is also where the bikes are kept.) When he is taken away he throws massive tantrums (he is 2) and also keeps gravitating back. It’s really tricky. Normally DS days in nursery have to be my work days but currently on maternity leave.

I think I need to say very honestly to DH that I’m not going to keep intervening. If he makes the choice not to go to the office on that day then he isn’t going to get much work done. I don’t want to be an arse about this but I sort of feel I’ve done everything I reasonably can to avoid this issue and now it’s on DH.

@AP5Diva to be honest I think you are just trying to goad. I’m not commenting on you personally here but one thing I do bear in mind is that frequently people come on MN who are not here to be supportive. Your barbed little comment about it being my ‘job’ to deal with it as the ‘SAHP’ was the giveaway. Nice try.

Read the opening post AGAIN.

She’s not a SAHP. It could be made a lot easier by her DH doing what he said he would do, and communicating clearly when he decides not to do that.

You only read the title didn't you?

The thing is at the moment there doesn't seem to be clear boundaries on this.

If he's regularly going in the room and/or the garden room that your DH is working in and is climbing on his lap, that doesn't sound like there's a plan in place.

It sounds like they're able to freely go and interrupt the WFH parent and then when they're removed by you they have a tantrum and are very upset about it. It's then hard work for your OP because you're pregnant, you're having to be reactive to the situation (by removing your DC from the place they shouldn't have been), it places stress on you and your DH too.

Whereas some proactive rules and boundaries (eg. "daddy is working in ... Let's do... And daddy will come and see us when he takes a break" and your DH has to schedule in a mid morning break to come and see DC etc then you prevent DC from getting into the room the rest of the time) is likely to help in the long run.

Medium to longer term DC needs to accept that they can't have access to wherever they want and whoever they want.

For example once the baby is here, if DC wants you and you're nursing/feeding the baby in another room and need quiet, are you going to want them having free access to interrupt you whenever they want and your DH to say "not my problem, they know you're in there, won't take no for an answer and I don't want to deal with the tears"?

She isn’t a SAHP. She’s on maternity leave.

That’s clearly DH’s attitude though and that’s the issue. He is choosing to make it more difficult at home because he thinks oh well, OP can just deal with it. He could just go to the office when he’s supposed to be there.

I think I’m going to go into early onset labour if I see the word boundary again 😂

I am sort of kidding but honestly, can we give it a rest?

I presume OP is looking after a baby as she is on maternity leave

Are you kidding me? You just close the door to that room and say no. The two year old isnt in charge.

Move his bike out of that room in the morning so that he can play on it if he wants without disturbing your DH.

OP, I admire your patience on this thread – sadly looks like someone left the gate open at the cunt farm today

I agree with this.

OP just let your toddler in to see Daddy, if Daddy chooses to change his set days....tough let him deal with it.

Sounds so stressful for you and ignore all the ridiculous comments about boundaries 😊

OP also works and is obviously looking after a baby and toddler while on maternity leave. But why respect women when we can kow-tow to men

🙄🙄🙄

This

Totally ignoring your DH, from one stay at home parent to another, YABU. You need to get a grip of this toddler. They need to learn boundaries and preferably before your new baby comes.

If your toddler is at nursery 3 days, I’m assuming there are a maximum of two days per week where this is an issue for your husband. You need to take the bull by the horns- Take steps to avoid tantrums then deal with them effectively when they arise.

1. Move the bikes
2. Have flexible activities (library, park etc) for working days. 3)Put up a stair gate- DC can’t get to garden unless they behave- Good behaviour gets rewarded. Bad behaviour means they are removed and cannot go out.
3. Ask DC to help with “lunch”. This is when Daddy come out to spend time with them. Daddy then thanks DC profusely and praises their efforts and looks forward to seeing what surprise they have at “dinner”. At dinner, DC produces whatever they have achieved in the day - book from library, painting, play dough model, stick collection, photo of them at park etc.

It is all about praising the good and ignoring the bad. If you do not sort it now then you will be back in a few months time with a toddler that keeps waking a baby instead of bothering DH. Sort yourself a flexible schedule for your own benefit. You are Top Cat, DC is Benny not the other way round!

OP, why aren't you answering any of the important questions about how much of this is due to your husband's behaviour?

I think I’m going to go into early onset labour if I see the word boundary again 😂

I am sort of kidding but honestly, can we give it a rest?
But it's medium to long term a blessing for you too!

What new mum wouldn't want to have an agreement that their children can't demand a certain parent at any time?

If you're needing rest and you're lying down with a newborn in your bedroom, either napping or scrolling your phone mindlessly or eating all the snacks having some peace whilst the baby naps, it's going to be brilliant to say to your DH "I'm in here with baby and I don't expect to be disturbed. If toddler is upset by this, you need to console them because they can't demand to be where I am at all times".

You might not like the word boundary after this thread but it's something that can work to your advantage too.

Not DS bike; my bike, and DHs bike.

So at nine months pregnant I have to do this every morning and evening

No. besides, it’s his dad he is after more than the bikes.

I am so grateful for the support. I think what some don’t seem to be able to distinguish between is a boundary which we need to be safe or reasonably considerate and some common sense things which avoid situations that are likely to be difficult and result in a distressed child.

It clearly states in the OP that she's on maternity leave.

Why are people saying OP is a SAHP?

DH is being extremely UR to switch round his days in the office and expect to work uninterrupted.

Does he expect you to stay out of the house?

Because that’s what you are while on maternity leave. You’re not one of those who calls it a “babymoon holiday” are you?

ap5diva
I take it yours haven’t reached the teenage years yet, trust me 2,3,4 is not the hardest age.
Ive two teenagers two primary, I get what you mean but for reasoning in this case they are the hardest years (bribes of screens and junk food at least help with teenage years😅)

I wouldn't call someone on ML a SAHP. ML is not just to be a parent, it's to recover from pregnancy and childbirth.

No.

Funnily enough, I call it maternity leave.

I wasn't a SAHP. I was on leave from work because I was either about to have a baby or just had a baby.

Fair enough, to me maternity leave wasn’t any sort of leave because you’re working (SAHP work) during it while recovering.