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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child free wedding - newborn

175 replies

Cleo2628 · 25/06/2023 20:37

One of my best childhood friends is getting married next week, my baby will be 3 weeks old.
He is EBF but she has said no children, including him. I’m so sad to miss her wedding, I understand people not wanting children but AIBU to be a bit upset that that includes a 3 week old who is breastfed? I said DH would be on hand to take the baby out of the ceremony if he were to cry etc.
i understand it’s her wedding her choice etc but we’re very close friends and I’m just upset to miss her big day.

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 26/06/2023 10:20

LT2 · 26/06/2023 10:14

Oh how did so many of us survive as kids😆 good job we aren't raising snowflakes that can't ever feel bored. No wonder so many kids lack imagination now - they are never allowed to feel bored. Always need a screen or something going on to entertain them - apparently.

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Feeling bored is fine, it's what toddlers and young children usually do when they feel bored.

Catspyjamas17 · 26/06/2023 10:22

I was able to go to a close friend's child-free wedding when DD2 was very small and I was BF, as it was all in one venue, and my DM very kindly sat with DD2 in our room and I could get away to BF her. She was a few more weeks older though and feeding pattern pretty established, I think this would be harder at 3.5 weeks. My DF and aunty minded DD1 who was a pre-schooler. Very kind of them.

My friend apologised to me for making it so hard for me to attend and enforcing the "no kids" rule after she had kids herself and felt embarrassed. Actually it was fine, and I said so, as it was all in one place, and fairly near to family, but in other circumstances I would not have been able to go. We really enjoyed the wedding and having the child-free time.

Personally I would far rather a close friend attend with a babe in arms than not come at all, and would move heaven and earth for them to be able to come. And I think you are right to feel disappointed at missing out and that your friend is being inflexible and inconsiderate.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/06/2023 10:22

sleepyscientist · 26/06/2023 06:29

@J0S yes give up breast feeding not just for this wedding but the countless things to come where the baby has to go as it's breastfed. Then DH or grandparents can have the baby.

Why should op give up doing the most natural thing in the world and feed the food specifically produced to meet the individual needs of her baby to attend this and potential future events?

What about considering the long list of benefits of breast milk and the way the composition of breast milk changes as the baby grows?

Even if I hadn’t fed my dd, there is no way I would have agreed to separate from her at 3 weeks old!

Iwasafool · 26/06/2023 10:24

Luxell934 · 25/06/2023 20:47

So if she makes the exception for you she will have to make the exception for everyone.

Everyone! Imagine a wedding where every guest has an exclusively breastfed 3 week old baby.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/06/2023 10:26

Luxell934 · Yesterday 20:47
So if she makes the exception for you she will have to make the exception for everyone.”

No, most reasonable people wouldn’t expect anyone to leave their 3 week old.

I think your best friend is BU.

Mariposista · 26/06/2023 10:28

BF is a choice. And if you introduce a bottle on day 1, you won't have a kid who 'won't take it' by week 4 🙄

Iwasafool · 26/06/2023 10:31

Mariposista · 26/06/2023 10:28

BF is a choice. And if you introduce a bottle on day 1, you won't have a kid who 'won't take it' by week 4 🙄

Babies vary, I don't think you can actually say that will work with every baby. I do remember when I had one and thought I knew all about it, by number 4 I was still being taught a few lessons by a new born who had their own ideas.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 26/06/2023 10:32

If the wedding is local you could get someone to have the baby for a few hours so you can attend. You can express, I know it seems like a massive deal when you’re breastfeeding a newborn, but honestly if you can get him taking a bottle then it would be fine.

if you don’t want to do this, which is fine, then you have to politely decline. It’s her choice not to have children at her wedding and really babies are more likely to cause a distraction than older children who also won’t be invited.

TheOrigRights · 26/06/2023 10:33

Mariposista · 26/06/2023 10:28

BF is a choice. And if you introduce a bottle on day 1, you won't have a kid who 'won't take it' by week 4 🙄

There is no way I would have compromised my milk supply as well as add all the faff of bottles for my newborn baby unless I really had to.
Going to a wedding (even of a supposed close friend) in order to accommodate their wishes would not have been a good enough reason.

Hollyppp · 26/06/2023 10:36

Small babies (eg under 6 months) should be exceptional. I can’t believe someone would be silly to not underhand about breastfeeding and 4th trimester etc

Hollyppp · 26/06/2023 10:37

Mariposista · 26/06/2023 10:28

BF is a choice. And if you introduce a bottle on day 1, you won't have a kid who 'won't take it' by week 4 🙄

Wow how narrow minded

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/06/2023 10:39

Iwasafool · 26/06/2023 10:24

Everyone! Imagine a wedding where every guest has an exclusively breastfed 3 week old baby.

Show quote history

She might not be the only one with a small breastfed baby.

Catspyjamas17 · 26/06/2023 10:41

Mariposista · 26/06/2023 10:28

BF is a choice. And if you introduce a bottle on day 1, you won't have a kid who 'won't take it' by week 4 🙄

You'll still have leaking breasts for a few weeks though. It's not a tap you just turn off. And I chose to breastfeed at that age because DDs took to it and it was by far the easiest option for me, I certainly wouldn't be choosing to FF on the basis that there was a social event coming up. Plus babies need to be close to their mothers at that age and not away from them for long, however they are fed.

Catspyjamas17 · 26/06/2023 10:41

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/06/2023 10:39

She might not be the only one with a small breastfed baby.

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She is probably the only one with a small breastfed baby who is also the bride's best mate though.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/06/2023 10:47

Catspyjamas17 · 26/06/2023 10:41

She is probably the only one with a small breastfed baby who is also the bride's best mate though.

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I wouldn't blame her for not wanting to make exceptions. People can be precious about their babies and they could complain and make a whole drama out of it.

Best just to say no children, no exceptions.

LoobyDop · 26/06/2023 10:49

Have a child-free wedding
Make an exception for the newborn because his mum can’t leave him
Make an exception for the newborn’s sister because it’s not fair to treat siblings differently
Make an exception for your sister’s children because they’re close family
Make an exception for your brother’s new girlfriend’s kid because you have to pretend she counts as close family
Make an exception for a friend’s children because otherwise they can’t come

Oh look, your child-free wedding now has nine children and all the other guests who went to a lot of trouble to find childcare and were looking forward to a nice, calm, guiltfree adult occasion are really pissed off with you.

YukoandHiro · 26/06/2023 10:51

You'll have to decline. Would be a push at 3 weeks anyway - you don't know how you'll feel, if you'll be up to it, and baby might be overdue to it might only be a week or 10 days old. But no point having a row over a rule. You're v highly unlikely to feel ready to leave your baby even if you feel up to it physically yourself.

Iwasafool · 26/06/2023 10:55

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/06/2023 10:39

She might not be the only one with a small breastfed baby.

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She might not but saying an exception would have to be made for everyone is pushing it. For a start off none of the men will be breastfeeding a 3 week old.

NotMyDayJob · 26/06/2023 11:22

Mariposista · 26/06/2023 10:28

BF is a choice. And if you introduce a bottle on day 1, you won't have a kid who 'won't take it' by week 4 🙄

Someone's elses wedding is not a good enough reason to compromise your feeding choices.

Eyeroll right back at you.

NotMyDayJob · 26/06/2023 11:25

I don't understand why so many people on this thread think the OP should bend over backwards to accommodate the wedding. Get the baby on a bottle, get DH to sit outside, could your parents come, book a hotel etc etc when the person having the wedding has no such compunction in not accommodating the OP.

I'm not sure I would want to go to anyone else's wedding so much I would have done these things, including my own to be honest. OP is allowed to be a bit sad she can't go.

Nanny0gg · 26/06/2023 11:25

Mariposista · 26/06/2023 10:28

BF is a choice. And if you introduce a bottle on day 1, you won't have a kid who 'won't take it' by week 4 🙄

Rubbish!

My baby had bottles of expressed milk when she was in NICU

Wouldn't touch them later on!

Catspyjamas17 · 26/06/2023 11:28

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/06/2023 10:47

I wouldn't blame her for not wanting to make exceptions. People can be precious about their babies and they could complain and make a whole drama out of it.

Best just to say no children, no exceptions.

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Sounds like a win-win situation to me. You drop drama queen friend/relative you don't care about and stay on good terms with best friend.

HerbsandSpices · 26/06/2023 11:32

Of course you need to choose your baby in this situation. It's a shame but that's how it is.

Itsallsostressful · 26/06/2023 11:34

Merryoldgoat · 25/06/2023 20:51

Culturally I just don’t get child free weddings.

In my opinion they’re a celebration of your relationship with your loved ones.

A bit of noise is irrelevant in my experience - it’s all become about pictures and the ‘perfect day’.

I look back on my wedding glad we put our guests’ comfort before everything else.

I had a child free wedding and it was nothing to do with pictures or the perfect day or as some people seem to think about being Insta perfect....we just didn't want children there !

MirandaWest · 26/06/2023 11:42

I went to a wedding when I was 3 weeks old (and was breastfed). Was my dad’s sister’s wedding and from what I have been told I was very well behaved.

I don’t understand the thing of weddings being all about the bride (and to a lesser extent the groom). If you had no guests at your wedding it would be a bit rubbish. Why can’t the people getting married consider the guests a bit more?