Child free wedding - newborn

[Cleo2628]

One of my best childhood friends is getting married next week, my baby will be 3 weeks old.
He is EBF but she has said no children, including him. I’m so sad to miss her wedding, I understand people not wanting children but AIBU to be a bit upset that that includes a 3 week old who is breastfed? I said DH would be on hand to take the baby out of the ceremony if he were to cry etc.
i understand it’s her wedding her choice etc but we’re very close friends and I’m just upset to miss her big day.

Yanbu, every childfree wedding I've been to has made an exception for babes in arms. I like childfree weddings but there's a difference between your friend with a 5 year old being able to let their hair down and your friend with an ebf 3 week old just not being able to come at all. I would be gracious but I would decline and if I'm honest I wouldn't be very impressed with her.

Fucking hell, when DS was 3 weeks old I think I was at the stage where the sleep deprivation kicked in and I was a zombie ... Not a chance in hell I'd be getting dressed up and going to a wedding. I'd have fallen asleep in the ceremonial.

@MrsTerryPratchett Babies in arms count as people for crowd control/fire regulations purposes. So inviting them means kicking someone else out.

Also weddings in the U.K are so expensive, I know MN bangs on about village hall type things but these don't exist anymore. Any place that can hold a sizeable number of people costs at least a grand to hire, you can't get cheap catering the moment you mention it's a wedding even for a 'party' venue.

My culture has big weddings but its sooo cheap in my home country... You can feed people a substantial meal for our currency equivalent of a tenner per head. Rice/flatbread, 4 'courses', dessert not just some sandwiches.

DH is an atheist (as are many people) so that ruled out a church in the U.K.... nothing else was cheap.

I'll bet the local registry office was cheap....

By our currency I mean like 10 of our currency (ish) not £10!

Max capacity for ours was 20. The next nearest , 50.
That still wouldn't have been enough to invite 'a our loves ones.
For context, in my country 400 people is a small wedding and it's still cheaper than the equivalent of a UK wedding.
We can hire school halls too if not religious venues. There are plenty.
I suppose the UK has lots of rules and regulations which isn't bad, but it does make things more 'professional'. Thus , expensive

*all of our loved ones

@J0S yes give up breast feeding not just for this wedding but the countless things to come where the baby has to go as it's breastfed. Then DH or grandparents can have the baby.

I went to a wedding when DC2 was 2 months old and EBF, my parents came along and looked after her during the wedding and I popped out to feed her whenever required. Could your DH or parents do this?

Bloody hell, how self centered can you get. Wouldn't want a baby because it's all about ME but happy to separate someone you supposedly love and care about from their new born causing all kinds of anxiety/inconvenience because how dare anyone interrupt my big day! You can not convince me otherwise that a reasonable human being wouldn't allow you to bring your baby OP. Anyone saying "she's allowed to have the wedding she wants" are clearly also the types of high maintenance people that would make these rules.

Most child free weddings I've been to have allowed babies on the boob to attend.

I'm in awe of anyone having the headspace to contemplate going to a wedding with a newborn. I was living hour to hour at that point, I could barely cope with my mum popping round for a biscuit.

Dressing myself for a wedding and managing the logistics of getting there would have been a wild fantasy.

Another one coming here to say how impressed I am that you are even contemplating being able to attend!!! Both of mine at 3 weeks involved me looking like a zombie that hasn't slept in many weeks, and being topless in bed desperately trying to convince a baby to feed.

I think it's a bit sad she wants to make it adult only but it's her party. If having your mum or DH nearby with baby that you could pop over to feed is an option, that could work but otherwise just decline gracefully

I guess your friend isn't that bothered whether you come. I wouldn't be at all offended about a child free wedding in general, and if it wasn't a close friend you can obviously just decline without any regrets - you will have plenty of other things to distract you at the time. But for a close friend not to allow a newborn it's just a bit mean really. Of course you could manage to go somehow but it would be difficult and stressful.

All these excuses people are coming up with about cost and having to have a blanket rule about not inviting anyone under 18 are clearly rubbish. Your friend is free to make an exception for just you if she wants.

She is clearly more bothered about pointless rules and having things her way than about having you there. I doubt your friendship will survive.

The saving grace is that you probably won't feel like going when the time comes anyway!

YANBU. It sounds like she's been swept away with "the perfect day". One day she might realise that this meant excluding one of her closest friends. To me that wouldn't be the perfect wedding but there you go.
The responses on this thread show me that many others would do the same.

I'm so glad my friends and family are all people who enjoy having children at weddings.

There are some miserable people on this thread. Anyone with any common sense knows there is a big difference between a three week old and a herd of stampeding three year olds. All this, leave her with someone else, pop back for feeds, give her formula etc, is ridiculous. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby a three week old needs to be with their mum.

I went to a wedding when DD1 was six weeks old and our friends very graciously included us. We had to make arrangements to ensure we didn't disturb things, but it was a barn in the country, if DH had been down the road I'd have been literally driving back and forth all day. It wouldn't have been possible (literally as I still couldn't drive post my c section).

Bottom line is if the OPs friend cared about her being there, then she could have invited the baby. OP could have ensured she was courteous, eg leaving if baby cried. I am sure friend will realise she was unreasonable one day if she has kids. I like my friend who we all look back and laugh because she actually catered for, including high chair for my six week old 🤣

I had friends who wanted to see as many people as possible at their wedding and invited children and I also had friends who wanted their wedding to be ‘perfect’ and didn’t. It was entirely predictable who would and wouldn’t have a child free weddings. It does sort the sheep from the goats a bit.

Is she fine with you not going? Or when you declined (I'm assuming you declined the invitation initially, unless the baby was early?) did she get annoyed? If she was annoyed/upset/tried to convince you to switch to formula feeding so you could leave the baby, then she is very unreasonable.

But if you declined and she accepted it, then while I can see that you might be a little hurt as it does sound like she's a close friend, I don't think she's massively unreasonable, although it's not a decision I would make.

YANBU.

If they invite the parent of a newborn that is breastfed, they should assume they are to be there too.
I get that people can do as they please but I really don't get childfree weddings! There's a sudden surge of them this year! I had at least 12 little ones at mine and was so excited to have them all there. Don't remember any disruptions with noise during the ceremony, so if there were any, I didn't notice!

I think she is being a bit mean. I've been to lots of weddings with kids of different ages and newborns have never been any bother for the ceremony, they've either been asleep or feeding. Toddlers on the other hand have sometimes been a bit of a nightmare

You don't have to get them though because it isn't your wedding.

12 children would change the vibe of a wedding, it wouldn't be something I'd want at my wedding at all but then I also see weddings as an adult only occasion.

These threads come up periodically and I'm always surprised at some of the responses.

An EBF newborn is not the same as a toddler running around. Babies this age shouldn't count in no kid rules in my opinion. Anyone who has had an EBF baby will know it is totally impossible to leave them. I wonder if your friend doesn't have kids and so is just a bit clueless about how impractical the ask is. Perhaps she'll realise if she has a baby in future.

I don't think YABU at all.

This 100%

Childfree weddings are soulless

Did I say I have to 'get' them?

First time I've ever heard of someone describe a wedding as adult only. I went to weddings as a child. I had children at my wedding. And soon I will be taking my child to attend his second wedding (where he is Page boy..).

Having 12 children created a wonderful, family vibe to my wedding. So don't try implying anything otherwise.😒

Yes, this.

I probably wouldn't have understood pre-baby. You don't realise that people can't just express, grab a bottle, and leave the baby with someone. My EBF has always been a bottle refuser. I couldn't leave him until he was a year, when he could have cows milk and plenty of solids.