Child free wedding - newborn

[Cleo2628]

One of my best childhood friends is getting married next week, my baby will be 3 weeks old.
He is EBF but she has said no children, including him. I’m so sad to miss her wedding, I understand people not wanting children but AIBU to be a bit upset that that includes a 3 week old who is breastfed? I said DH would be on hand to take the baby out of the ceremony if he were to cry etc.
i understand it’s her wedding her choice etc but we’re very close friends and I’m just upset to miss her big day.

Which is great that you got the vibe you wanted at your wedding.

Others are just doing the same.

I can’t imagine not allowing a very close friend to bring their newborn baby to my wedding, I might suggest they stand near the door ready to make an exit if baby cries, but it is her choice. Has she had children herself? I was very self centred before I had children, and not very understanding of parental requirements.
Nothing you can do except politely decline, explaining your reasons.

12 children would change the vibe of a wedding, it wouldn't be something I'd want at my wedding at all but then I also see weddings as an adult only occasion.

Can you explain why you see them as adult only events?

Child free wedding, luckily not soulless though!

To quote myself 'I get that people can do as they please'

So from me saying that is clear that I understand that. Not sure why you're singling me out to reply to as if I'm not accepting of that😵‍💫

I'm fairly surprised - most 'childfree' weddings I have been to have made an exception for babes in arms as it is pretty bleeding obvious that by having that restriction to mothers with tiny newborns then the vast majority of the mothers won't be able to attend.

Ultimately, her choice, her wedding, but I do think it is a bit off.

No, but she loses out on having a good friend there. What if lots of her close friends have babies around that time? Would she still stick to her rule and miss out on all of the attending?

I went to a wedding three weeks after having dd by csection. I felt fine and and was delighted to be able to go (and lots of family friends got to meet dd for the first time). There were another 3 people with tiny babies there and there was minimal disruption- they all just slept. I was delighted to be able to see one of my oldest friends get married.

I'd like to know this too. When with many wedding traditions, children play roles during the ceremony (flower girl, page boys, were bridesmaids originally mainly children too?🤔)

At 3 weeks postpartum, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere except home with my feet up.

Completely understandable if you feel sad about missing out, but she’s confirmed what she wants, there’s not much you can do am afraid.

Congratulations on the new baby!

I wonder how many people she knows who have a baby a few weeks old.

Sure.

Tbh I wouldn't want a baby there either. It's likely to cry during speeches , vows etc I understand

Most people I know who've had "child free weddings" have had newborns there (up to 6 months old, maybe 1yo). Maybe worth asking?

Only if you have ignorant, selfish friends. Most people take unsettled newborns out of the room/church.

They are long, it involves a lot of sitting still, listening to speeches etc, children often look bored out of their minds and parents stressed unless there is some kind of entertainment for them and if I go to a wedding which involves toddlers, I can guarantee at least one will get knocked flying on the dance floor.

^^This

I'm sorry, but I don't think you're as close as you think you are (were) @Cleo2628

I did it with a very slightly older one.

I was able to feed and when she wasn't feeding she slept on her (future) godmother's lap. She was no bother and was fine in the church (though we sat at the back, just in case)

There is this too. Babies and toddlers are noisy and unpredictable.

Even if they are taken out, they've already disturbed the wedding, potentially at a pivotal moment.

It's a child free wedding. Babies are children. I can understand why you're sad to miss it but ultimately if someone doesn't want children there, I can absolutely see why that extends to babies. YABU to think it shouldn't apply to you.

To be fair, most adults are either bored or cringing at the speeches...

DH and I were invited to the son of a work colleague's meeting with our 18 month old twins. I sat outside the ceremony with the twins while DH went in. Could you still attend the ceremony but have your DH sit outside with your baby?

Adults tend to deal with boredom better than toddlers.

They clearly don't want to include children at the wedding, which is entirely their choice and not up to others to ask them to make 'exceptions'. I am sure they will understand however if you just cannot go along, because your newborn needs you. Welcome to the reality of how having kids changes our lives in so many ways! TBH, while we had children at our wedding I wouldn't really have been keen on having a newborn there.

She's no close friend, OP. There's no way I'd have excluded a friend with a newborn especially one whose DH would be on hand to whip baby out in case of noise.

I think the relationship barometer just indicated a cooling, sorry.

Oh how did so many of us survive as kids😆 good job we aren't raising snowflakes that can't ever feel bored. No wonder so many kids lack imagination now - they are never allowed to feel bored. Always need a screen or something going on to entertain them - apparently.